Penetrating Eyes It's an ordinary day, like any other. If anyone asks, you are doing 'fine'. You are self sufficient and no one bothers you. You have friends and acquaintances. You go to parties sometimes. Sometimes you stay home alone an watch T.V. But there are things you don't tell anyone, after all, this is almost the nineties. You survived the Seventies. You struggled through the Eighties. You can say 'confidently' you are your own person. If anyone asks, you are in charge of your life and all is going well for you. Yet something is missing. You are not quite sure what or how you know, but the truth is there, just below the surface. You don't pursue the feeling, however. You have tried before to understand, no one else seems to and you don't feel you can alone. So you 'gave up' on this long ago. Suddenly, you realize you have been having a melancholy day dream. But what broke you out of it? You look around quickly, slightly afraid and embarassed. At first, you see nothing. Just an ordinary day, with ordinary people. No one saw ...no one ever does. But wait, there, over in the corner! Someone IS watching you. The fear rises again, you want to turn away, pretend nothing is going on. But you can't. He is staring at you with piercing blue eyes. You are frozen! What has he seen? It must be just coincidence, he just stares... he can't know! Can he? Then why is he slowly getting up, still staring at you? You want to escape! yet, yet, you don't move! You feel the hair standing up on the back of your neck. What is going on? You manage to tear your eyes away and look quickly around. No, nobody else is looking at you. It's almost as if you are invisible to the world. What is going on here? Your head snaps back to look at the stranger again. He is MUCH closer now, walking slowly, confidently, still staring straight at you. You feel your breath quicken, what DOES he know? Something stirs inside you, something dark that you have hidden all your life, even from yourself. The fear rises as you slowly stand, your intention is to just walk away. You stand up, but he is too close now and you can't seem to move, it's those EYES. They know! But how could they? You don't even know, yourself. Then a voice from inside assures you that you do indeed know. And you just stand there and stare, trembling slightly as he raises his hand slowly and puts it behind your head. He draws your lips close to his. All you have learned tells you to fight this feeling. You put your hands to his chest and try to push him away. Quietly, almost a whisper, you say 'no'. But he doesn't listen. He doesn't believe the 'no' is real. You want to believe that it is. His hand grabs your hair behind your head, forcing your lips together at last. You start to push harder, but then something inside of you rises up, takes over and silences you. That part of you that has always been in control has evaporated! Where is your will? You feel enshrouded in a fog of confusion. You realize that it is those EYES, the way he is kissing you, so hard and so deep, that is causing this fog. Your mind starts to wake up, starts to fight this feeling. No, no, this can't be happening! You must get away! You try to struggle, but your strength is gone again as he lowers you down to the bed. Very small now, you tell him 'no, please don't do this'. Secretly, you know you're lying! But no one must know that you do! How can you give in, when all that you know tells you to fight? But the answer is simple. You are given no choice. You feel a velvety cord around first one wrist and then the other. You can't move! The fog distracts you just long enough so you don't think of kicking before they too are bound. You start to struggle valiantly (it's okay, now that you know you can't escape). For the first time, that voice from deep inside comforts you, tells you that you CAN have what you know you want! No one will know how much you want this, after all, you have no choice, do you? What is he doing now? Why is he going so slow? Then he starts to undo your blouse, lingering on every button so long before going to the next. At last, they are all undone and he draws it slowly from your breasts. And then he sees what kind of brassiere you are wearing and you know he knows! Looking into those EYES, you see him smile ever so slightly. No no no no no YES! He then slowly reaches down and draws your skirt up slowly. Against your will, and as difficult as it is, you find yourself raising up so that it is just a rumple around your waist. He takes out a knife and you are suddenly very afraid! Your eyes follow it, riveted to it. What have I done, you think as it slowly descends towards your cleavage. But no, he merely slices the center of your brassiere. By how hard it snaps away, you realize that you have been holding your breath. You let it out and start breathing ever so slowly, watching him watching your breasts slowly rise and fall. Why doesn't he touch them, why does he just stare? You don't know why, but you find youself pleading 'help me'. He looks back into your eyes, raises his hand to your cheek and caresses it. For the first time he speaks, he says simply and in a calm voice 'patience'. Then he slowly turns and cuts first one side of your bikini panties then the other. He pulls them away ever so slowly and lays them aside. So there you are. Totally exposed. Bound so you can't move. Completely at the mercy of a stranger with a knife. Yet, you are no longer afraid. That part of you is gone now. All you feel is anticipation for what is yet to come. He sets the knife down. He looks straight into your eyes, yet you see nothing there. Or is it everything... Eyes locked, unable to move, you feel his hand on your ankle and slowly sliding up your side, past your knee, pausing at your thigh for a moment. Then continuing up past your waist, alongside your heaving breast. Then on up to your neck. So lightly, but for the first time you realize how strong he is! You start to whimper 'please'. He slaps you just hard enough on the thigh to take your breath away. He can have anything he wants, but he takes his time. Now his hand is caressing your belly, somtimes sliding between your trembling breasts, sometimes cupping them lightly underneath. That voice inside of you, by now in complete charge of your being, says 'take me'. His hand raises up and slaps first one breast, then the other. You moan loudly with each and start to go under. You are having trouble thinking as he, for the first time, starts to grab your breasts, roughly, one with each hand. He squeezes them and pinches them! It hurts, and yet... and yet... you want more... He finally gives you more. He bites the tender skin of your left breast, over and over and over again. You have lost your mind to passion by now and moan uncontrollably. His tounge flicks across your nipple. Again. You want him so much, you feel your juices start to slide from inside and down your ass. You beg for more! He says simply 'tell me what you want'. You say 'I need you inside me!'. His hands are off you suddenly... then they are back, but down there in that most private of places. His finger knows just what to do with your clitoris. Your mind is gone, but your voice is not... You start to spasm as you've never done before and find yourself yelling with ecstasy, more hearing it from afar than realizing that it's coming from you. You lose control completely, but he will not stop. You try to escape, you must try to escape, but you can't! What seems like an eternity late of places. Hhat brokepr now, walking slowly, confidently, still staring straight at you. You feel your breath quicken, what DOES he know? Something stirs inside you, something dark that you have hidden all your life, even from yourself. The