ONLY THE BEST FOR UNCLE SAM

There has been entirely too much nattering about excessive prices paid by our
government for things like hammers, toilet seats and coffee makers.

That's not to excuse such boondoggles It's just that we have all paid too much
for something now and again -- why expect the government to be different?

Sure, the Defense Department itself probably has five million procurement
specialists.  But it's still a tough job to spend $300 billion or more just to
keep our rockets pointed in the right direction and our military clothed, fed
and shuttled around from post to post.

Lookit.  You, over there in the back.  Yes, you.  You're complaining that a
really good hammer costs about $20 at the neighborhood hardware store, right?
But what about last Valentine's Day (which you had forgotten even though it's
your wedding anniversary also)?  Remember?  You went out and paid $75 for a
dozen red roses!  Ha!

And YOU!  You bought a perfectly fine new car last fall when the '85s came out
for $17,500.  Right.  Now that same model is advertised for $12,498.  Ha!

And what about your wife who ordered that nightie from Frederick's of Hollywood
for $89 only to find the same thing on sale at Wal-Mart two weeks later for
$6.99?	Ha!

Let's get back to those 5 million procurement specialists for a sec'.  Even if
there were actually that many (and there aren't), each would have to personally
spend about $6 million of the Defense budget in a year's time just to keep up.
When was the last time YOU managed to spend $6 million?  Most of us will have a
hard time going through $500,000 in a lifetime.  Half-a-million bucks A
pittance.

I'll bet if you had to procure as much stuff with as much red tape as those
civil and military people do, you'd have a boondoggle or two in your attic, too.

What about the time your whole family got together and decided to jointly buy
that condo in Nicaragua?  How long has it been since the Sandinista took it over
for a command post?  What is it they're paying you to rent it?  Nothing??  Ha!

Turn the tables for a moment.  Let's say you have to go out and buy a Star Wars
-- er, Strategic Defense Initiative.  They're not sold off the shelf like
Cabbage Patch Kids, you know; they're custom made.  Do you think the sheet metal
fabricator who works in the back of that motorcycle shop down the road could
come up with one any cheaper than what our government is going to pay?	Heck,
even George Lucas had to spend upwards of $10 million for all that clay and
plastic stuff in his movies, and it's all fake.

Now, here's the most telling point of all:  What was your tax bill last year?
Three, four thousand?  Ten grand?  Did you get what you paid for?  Will you
EVER?  That's gotta be the biggest boondoggle of them all.  Ha!