1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask... 2 ************************* INSTALLED: 29 JAN 86 ********************* 3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System) Mike Day System operator 4 ************************************************************ 5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION 6 PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM. 7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privately owned 8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public. 9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is 10 privately owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which 11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be 12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved) 13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the 14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the 15 message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to replace 16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up. 17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system. 18 ************************************************************ 19 20 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp mourning pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp 21 01/28/86.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.005 22 01/28/86.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.005 23 24 Instructed to sit at the back of the wagon, Miranda watched the 25 fields of the Italian countryside go by. In these late spring weeks, 26 the winter's brown and gray had given way to the bright greens of 27 leaves, multicolored flowers, and fresh, new air. She saw cows grazing 28 here and there and heard the gentle lowing ebb across the meadows; the 29 swinging tails reached almost like hands shooing at the flies. Miranda 30 had been outside the city into the countryside a few times before, but 31 never in the early spring. The colors, the air, the sounds, they were 32 all so different than autumn or summer, so much more alive than when her 33 father would take the household on an excursion. 34 Had the old hag not been staring at her the whole time, Miranda 35 would have enjoyed the trip. She was getting away from Milan and going 36 in the general direction that she wanted to go. When she left her home 37 she had expected to walk the distance to Venice if she had to, but had 38 hoped to catch a ride with some farmer in the back of a hay wagon. From 39 Venice, she planned to find a merchantship going east, at least to 40 Constantinople. The old city of Ephesus was on the way, and that's 41 where she was headed. 42 Ephesus was where she hoped to find Ii Orpyak, her father's old 43 tutor. Both rumor and legend said that it was a magical, and dangerous, 44 city, and writings in several of her father's books mentioned people of 45 Ephesus being 'of power'. Also, Miranda once over heard Gonzalo, an old 46 council to Prospero, try to tell him not to go there again, as he 47 thought it was too dangerous for the Duke. The Duke went anyway. 48 49 Now, though, Miranda was under the constant surveillance of the 50 old matriarchal gypsy. The constant stare made Miranda very 51 uncomfortable; as beautiful as the countryside was, she couldn't enjoy 52 it under those eyes. 53 "What does she want?" Miranda asked herself. The stare seemed 54 to hold her in place on the wagon; Miranda could hardly shift her 55 posture, and the bumpy road through the solid wagon didn't help matters 56 where sitting was concerned. 57 When the gypsies stopped for lunch, Miranda was finally able to 58 get up and stretch. Most of the morning she had spent sleeping, partly 59 to escape the stare, but mostly to rebuild more of the strength she 60 spent the night before. The meal was a modest affair, consisting of 61 bread, cheese and wine under a small oak. The hag remained on her 62 horse, and all too soon lunch was finished. With the family back on the 63 wagon, the ox lurched back into her steady plod. 64 65 As the sun was setting on the day, the gypsies stopped for the 66 night. A campfire was built and a warm rabbit stew was served up on 67 cracked wooden plates. Miranda listened as the family spoke in it's 68 native language, with dancing gutterals and sharp consonants. Still the 69 hag watched, but seemed to have softened her glare. 70 The meal was finished, and the utensils were put away. The 71 little boy, who had been practicing his scratchy violin skills most of 72 the afternoon, presented the violin to his father with great reverence, 73 and entreated a song. The father grinned to his son, then to his wife, 74 and began a czardas, to which the mother began to dance. 75 Miranda was so enthralled by the twists and turns in the music 76 and dance that she didn't see the hag come to her. So little attention 77 had been paid to her besides the stare that she jumped when the hag 78 tapped her shoulder. "Follow me!" 79 With a torch in hand, the hag led Miranda to the other side of 80 the wagon, further from the road. They sat with the torch just to the 81 side, casting bizarre shadows across the hag's face. 82 "You have magic!" Miranda nodded. "Show me an illusion," the 83 hag demanded. 84 .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Emu 85 ^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"~^"~"~"^"^"^"^"^" 86 HA I THERE PEOPLE,, IN ACASE ANYONE HAS MISSED ME, THIS IIS THE OL' 87 DIGITALIAN HERE... I'M HOPING TO GET BACK INTO MODEMING HERE FROM 88 THE SCHOOL COMPUTER . ANY OLD FRIENDS OUT THERE? I REALLY NEED 89 DSOMEBODY TO FILL ME IN ON WHAT I'VE BEEN MISSING! 90 TTYL>...... 91 ^"^ ^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"~"^"^" 92 DIGITALIAN 93 ^"^"^"~"^"^"~"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^" 94 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? 95 another day of school.....1/29/86...........10:37am....morrissey 96 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? 97 98 S:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS 99 HELLO, AND GOODBYE. 100 LADY S. 101 S:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS:KS 102 103 ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: 104 PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP 105 106 "Fellows, we don't know too much about Delta V except what we have read 107 in the intelligence files. Be on your toes." 108 "Right. Sometimes I wonder if Ian's intelligence gathering section has 109 ever been out on the field themselves. Some of the stuff they give us is 110 absolute crap!" 111 Agents Parity and Fellows opened the door to the large hanger and 112 carefully stepped inside. To their immediate left, another door stood partially 113 open, and light from beyond cast bizarre shadows on the walls in the huge 114 building. Parity motioned Fellows to move behind the door, and he took a 115 position to the right of the door. Two-man-entrance, NET operations handbook 116 page R-33. Both agents had practiced and utilized the procedure many times. 117 Scant seconds later, they had entered the room, covered all the people inside 118 the room with their weapons, and sealed off the door they had come through. 119 "No need for such theatrics Parity. And Fellows, put down the cannon. I 120 think spilling our own blood is the last thing on anyone's mind here." The 121 strange greeting came from a man standing in the corner. Parity recognized the 122 camera the man was wearing on his shoulder, and the half-empty bottle of Bud 123 he was holding in his hand. 124 "Why Delphi, or should I say Delta V, what a surprise meeting you here. 125 That coded message was really quite a trick. I won't ask you how you managed 126 to tap in to our comm-link system." 127 "It was nothing. Now if you'll both lower your weapons we have some intro- 128 ductions to make." 129 Parity and Fellows holstered their guns. One glance between them and they 130 knew the situation was safe, at least for the moment. Delta V was not exactly 131 a close ally, but he was far from a mortal enemy. The two agents took seats 132 at the card table with the other men who were in the room with Delta V. 133 "Parity, Fellows, meet George Kellerman and Louis Smithers." The men all 134 shook hands. "Parity and Fellows work for a company that specializes in 135 ridding the world of men like Leroy McKane and his followers. We have worked 136 together even though they don't really know it." 137 Fellows chuckled. "We didn't know it? You might be surprised to find out 138 what we do actually know. In fact on our way here Parity and I were talking 139 about how good our information is on this whole case, with McKane and the 140 rest." 141 "Oh you were? That's interesting. Perhaps you would like to fill me in on 142 what you know?" Delta V had a half-smile on his face, and his eyes twinkled 143 with interest. 144 "How about we trade, at the same time." Parity interjected, before Fellows 145 could reply. "I assume that George and Louis are cleared, if you brought them 146 here, Delta..." 147 "Yes, they are clear. Now then, let's get down to business. We all have 148 information that needs to be pooled. We best get started before it gets..." 149 Delta V's words were cut off by a deafening explosion. Lou was the first 150 one up from his chair. "The dock!" was all he said before running out the 151 door. The other men quickly followed. 152 The sight that met their eyes was not pleasant. The big Albatross 153 Amphibian was now a pile of sinking debris. Pieces of hot metal and burning 154 rubber dotted the runway between the hanger and the dock. Spots of fire 155 criss-crossed the wooden dock, and smoke rose at least 100 feet in the air. The men's ears were assa 156 ulted by a sick hissing sound as the remains of the plane sank into the 157 shallow water near the edge of what remained of the dock. Lou could be seen 158 running towards the airport's crew-house. 159 "Parity, someone doesn't like us." Fellows said, still looking at the 160 spectacle. 161 "I was beginning to think the same thing. Well Delta V, I think we better 162 speed up our plans, don't you agree?" 163 164 PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PARITY PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP 165 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++lust jurking++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 166 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\THE DESTROYER\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\38 167 James was running along the empty streets back the way they came like a madman. Every few seconds he would stop and 168 look around,as if searching for something. Tariya struggled to keep up but it was a loosing battle. He had a lot of 169 energy for someone so ill. Finally, winded almost to the point of collapse, she leaned against a wall and gasped, 170 "Stop! Please! What... what are you doing?" 171 He did stop for a second, right in front of a parked aircar. "You said that Shaikhur and your mother's palace are 172 four hundred kilometers from here. I, for one, do not intend to walk that distance. We need transportation." He 173 slapped the car on the hood. "And this is what I was looking for. A Skymaster 431. I thought we passed one earlier. I 174 happen to know how to hotwire one of these babies. We'll ride there in style." 175 "You... you mean steal it? But that's wrong! And what about the poor person who owns that car? Is there nothing you 176 will stoop to to achieve your own ends?" 177 "Nope." 178 He was bent over the doorlock, working at it. If the door on a Skymaster was bumped just right, the lock would 179 usually spring open. He was trying to remember how that went. His train of thought was interrupted by a gasp and 180 Tariya suddenly calling in a very anxious voice, "James! Don't move!" At the same time he felt something cold press 181 against the back of his neck. 182 Letting discretion be the better part of valor (for once) he turned around very slowly. Standing there was a 183 balding, overweight gentleman wearing simple clothes and holding an automatic rifle with an incredibly large bore that 184 was now pointed at his sternum. In a rough, angry voice, he spoke. "And just what in the hell do you think you are 185 doing with my car?" 186 His car? Oh, boy. James said, "Hello sir. I am with the DEQ and was in the neighborhood checking exhaust emissions. 187 Did you know this vehicle is emitting twelve times the allowable level of carbon monixide?" The man with the rifle 188 stared at him like he was an idiot. James didn't blame him one bit. 189 Again he demanded, "What are you doing with my car?!" To punctuate his statement he threw the bolt on the rifle. 190 James groaned when he realized the gun had been uncocked 'til now. 191 Time to try something really stupid. "Okay, okay. You see, me and my companion-" He pointed to Tariya, who was 192 safely out of the potential line of fire. The man, apparently not too bright, actually turned to look at her. As soon 193 as he did, James grabbed the barrel of he gun, moving it away from his innards. Startled, the man pulled the trigger. 194 The gun roared three times, blowing impressive holes in the wall behind him. Tariya screamed and ran towards them. 195 James brought a boot up into the man's groin. He sank to the ground, losing all interest in the gun, which was now in 196 James' control. He placed the muzzle in the center of the man's bald spot and growled, "Looks like the shoe's on the 197 other hand now." 198 And then there was a second of unearthly silence, which was broken by a sound that chilled James to the bone. It 199 was the distictive sound of a rifle bolt being cocked, repeated not once, but three dozen times, and coming from every 200 direction. Looking around warily, he saw that every window on the block was now occupied by mean looking men, women, 201 and even children, all holding even meaner looking guns. Tariya finally reached him and he threw a protective arm 202 around her. "You know," he remarked, "I've heard of neighborhood watch programs, but this is ridiculous." 203 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\THE DESTROYER\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 204 well done, creator. 205 206 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 207 JUGGLER: My apologies. I won't offer any excuses; my batting average for 208 keeping details straight runs about .002 or so. 209 ++++++++++hold while I think of something to write++++ Milchar, 7:29pm 29 Jan 86 210 ______________________________JD 2446460.6606____________________________ 211 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::===== 212 The fujmes from the hearth may have annoyed otherws, but they litmerally were 213 batterinog my sense of smell. ThThis was the kind of scent I hated most of all. 214 The kind that stayed in your nostrils for days after the slightest sniff. 215 However, despite the smell, my attention was focused on where the Innkeeper had 216 dissappeared to..... 217 :::::====::::: 218 Juggler: On your "person count" of the I~nn, you seemed to have middssed }me. Oh 219 Well.... 220 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==Zephyr::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::===== 221 (Blame rerrors on line noise.) 222 :::::=====::::: 223 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 224 .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. 225 A Plus To Yesterday's Tragic Accident: 226 Maybe Mr. Reagan will think twice about the technology that he 227 would put into space for his SDI. When we can't predict and control 228 *everything* we design and use and lose seven precious lives to a simple 229 ('scuse me, read "simple" with quotes for expressive purposes) space 230 mission, how can we entrust the lives of possible the whole planet to 231 the proposed missile defence system? Who will be around to read the 232 core dump after an "accident"? Would there be any core dump to read? 233 thoughtfully, 234 .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Emu 235 The same stout young man who had helped close the door for the dottering old man strode to the bar and drew a 236 flagon of ale. He approached the table where sat the old man, and tendered the refreshment. He spoke to the newcomer. 237 "And who migh' be ye, stranger" He stood, towering over the decrepit figure, who took up the book from the table. 238 He pushed back the hood oof his coat, revealing his features to the onlookers, silently observing... 239 The old man raised the book for all to see in the smoky darkness. He spoke. "The Phoenix Egg, friends" "That which 240 some search for. I bring news of things past, and of things to be, for those who would hear..." 241 *=* *=* *=* *=* *=* *=* *=* *=* Lysias *=* *=* *=* *=* *=* *=* *=* *=* *=* 242 (((*)))(((*)))(((*))) 243 Juggler : yep I'm here. I should have something ready by morning. 244 (((*)))((( Ripple ))) 245 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 246 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp 247 Head count time! Who's here at the inn? Who's going to try to rescue the 248 vanished inkeeper? 249 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppp 250 The piper finished coughing -- deep anguished coughs as his body sought 251 to rid itself of the noxious fumes that he had inadvertently inhaled. 252 Through a blur of tears he looked around at the blurred figures that 253 surrounded the hearth, looking for the absent innkeeper. He spoke with a 254 deep sigh. 255 "We'd better hope that that's not the atmosphere where the inkeeper went! 256 If it is, he's beyond hope now. Who saw just what activated the gate that 257 he went through?" 258 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp 259 [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] 260 Ah, a-hem. I guess I'm here, if it's a head count your looking for. Sounds 261 like the beginnings of an adventure. Lets figure out who, what and where 262 before we go flying off pell-mell. :-) 263 [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] THE TIN MAN [/] [/] [/] 264 ^"^"N^"N^"^"^"^"^"\^"^"~"^ " 265 DDIIGIT@LALIAL 266 OOPS LOOKS LIKE I'M RUNNIING ON THE W_ORST TERM ON EARTH... 267 THIS CSCHOOL TERMINAL REALLY SUCKS.......I NEED SO 268 SOME NEW BBS #S, SO IF SOMEONE NWOULDD BE SO GKIND..>.. 269 ~"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"N"^" 270 THE BLA D@IGITALIAN 271 N"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^" 272 Emu: You have the situation exactly *backwards*. Under the current system we 273 are in great danger of an 'oops' (like those chip failures in the NORAD 274 computers) triggering a war. 275 The SDI system could only make two types of mistakes: 276 1. fail to stop incoming missiles (in which case we are no worse off than 277 we are now, we'd still get blown to hell). 278 2. attack a 'normal' space launch. This could cause a lot of problems, maybe 279 even a war. And it could kill people if it was a manned shot. 280 Please note that *NONE* of the proposed SDI weapons can attack anything on 281 the ground. Some of them *might* be able to attack high altitude aircraft. 282 Right now we are depending on Mutual Assured Destruction. Which boils 283 down to "if you attack us we'll kill everybody". Under SDI, if it works we 284 will have a lot of damage (nobody *seriously* suggests that it will stop 285 100% of incoming missiles). If it doesn't work, we'll get clobbered and 286 the attacker may not get hurt much. At least *somebody* will be around! 287 ______________________Leonard_JD 2446461.2783______________________________ 288 And that someone will be the Ruskies, right? M.A.D. has one good point in its 289 favor, it matches the psychological profiles the leaders of the two superpowers 290 have when it comes to discussions on the future of the human race. 291 _____________________________JD *unknown*__________________________________ 292 293 PsIpSiPsi... 294 Piper, you can count me in. Perhaps my skills can be of some help. Besides, 295 there is someone I need to talk to in this group, unfortunately I haven't 296 figured out who that is yet, the signals are still too cloudy, and this smoke 297 seems to be as much as a mental block as it is a visual one. 298 CRAGMORE 299 PsIpSiPsiPsIpSi... 300 Ps: I agree with Tim Man. Let's not run off pell-mell or we may end up waking 301 up that big bully 'Goth' again. :-) 302 PsIpSiPsIpSiPsI... 303 304 ............................................................................. 305 I don't want to promote paranoia or hysteria. I don't want to give the Soviets 306 undue credit which they might not deserve. But the authorities should also look 307 into the direction of Cuba for the cause of the downing of the Challenger. 308 On one of the demo of the capabilities of SDI conducted by the U.S., a metal 309 cylinder pressurized was disintegrated by shooting a laser beam into it. The 310 metal cylinder was pressurized using inert gas. I just thought that should 311 they've used hydrogen in the metal cylinder, the effect would be similar to 312 what happened to the shuttle lunch. Shooting laser or any charged-particle 313 beam from the direction of Cuba would probably destroy a shuttle launch. 314 just a thought from Carlos Murphy, CIA, KGB, RGB, DOS 315 TNT,CBS,NBC,ETC 316 ............................................................................... 317 :::::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::==marker::=====:::::=====:::::=====:::::===== 318 Could you possibly think of any thing that is more stupid than the above? They 319 would only do an act like that to provoke the US into something they couldn't 320 handle. Denying it wouldn't work, the beam would be traced to where it came 321 from and then we would illiminate it. No more of the Mr Nice guy stuff, bomb 322 the stuffin out of it 323 ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????/ 324 i know there's a lot involved in this politic "stuff" and it's not 325 really possible; but wouldn't it be nice if everyone could just get 326 along...sigh... 327 i'm TRYING to get to the inn i just haven't figured out how.... 328 morrissey 329 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? 330 331 """"""""""""""""""Well, this time I didn't miss one. Soli... 332 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 333 "Head count? Well, I'll try, but thiese fumes aren't helping... Boy, will 334 the DEQ be mad. Ok, if I squint hard, I can make out myself, Piper, Ripple, 335 JUGGLER, Zephyr(, Cragmore, and someone else sitting at a back table." 336 "Is that everyone?" someone asked. 337 "I can't be sure. Someone else may have walked in...and the list I rattled off 338 may be fifty percent hallucination. Good thing this gas is dissipating. What 339 I can be REALLY sure of is that I'm here. I think." 340 Someone grumbled about "that's not a lot of help" but Milchar swed no sign of 341 hearing it. 342 Instead, he thought about what he had seen. A transportal of some sort, 343 triggered by something the Innkeeper had done...what was it? Milchar strained 344 to remember in exact detail what had happened . He had reached up... 345 At that moment Milchar's "train of thought was suddenly derailed by an 346 announcement from the rear table. 347 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Milchar +++++++ 8:41pm, 30 Jan 86 +++ 348 .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. 349 Leonard: But if SDI were to act up and falsely detect a missile, who 350 knows what hot-shot boot camp grad would follow computer orders 351 and return fire? (Irealize that this is far-fetched, but so was 352 Tuesday's accident...) 353 .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Emu 354 People seem to think that an all out nuclear exchange would wipe out everyone in the U.S. Not so. We know how many 355 warheads they have, and it amounts to (avereged out) one point something for every county of the 48 states. Given that 356 some will be shot down, some will never even get off the ground, some will malfunction in flight, and not reach the 357 target, and given that there are a number of targets that will have a number of warheads aimed at them(Boulder City 358 Co., Omaha, New York, D.C., SAC bases, Naval bases, ships at sea, etc, there wont be enough for a "saturation" bombing. 359 There will be areas that are untouched. Most of the radioactivity will fall to earth within the first 48 hours. 90 360 % within two weeks (or so says the Office of Emergency management). Life will go on. Perhaps Dr. Sagans theory of 361 a "nuclear winter" is correct. In which case, we will all die. Perhaps not. I for one, want to be around to see. [*=*] 362 DELTA FIVE [*=*] 363 Morrissey: Try walking in and ordering an ale. 364 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 365 #$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$ 366 WHAT IF BOB AND DOUG MCKENZIE HOSTED A RADIO SHOW? 367 (Well, you might hear something like this on your radio...) 368 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 369 Bob: "Good day. And welcome to radio station KHSR, station 1750 on your AM dial. I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my 370 brother Doug-" 371 Doug: "How's it goin', eh?" 372 Bob: "-and welcome to our show. Before we start, we would like to about our contest again-" 373 Doug: "It was his idea." 374 Bob: "Take off! It was the station manager's idea!" 375 Doug: "Nice goin', hosehead! You're gonna get us fired if you keep sayin' that." 376 Bob: "Okay, okay. It was, like, Doug's idea-" 377 Doug: "Take off! Was not!" 378 Bob: "-that we were gonna give away free a complete collection of our albums-" 379 Doug: "One album. Some collection." 380 Bob: "-to the 1750th caller. Lesse, we started this contest-" 381 Doug: "Seven weeks ago Thursday." 382 Bob: "Right. And so far we've had-" 383 Doug: "Thirty-nine calls." 384 Bob: "-and we're beginnin' to think you guys ain't tryin'. But we would like to thank Mr. Andrew Reznik for callin' 385 in twenty-four times." 386 Doug: "That's right. You can, like, call in as many times as you want." 387 Bob: "So pick up your phone and dial 55-HOSER right now. Remember, 1750th caller gets the album." 388 Doug: "I think we'll be waitin' awhile, eh?" 389 Bob: "And now for our first record of the day-" 390 Doug: "Buuurrrppp!" 391 Bob: "Jeez, Doug! We're on radio here! Aw, cripes, I think you got some on me!" 392 Doug: "Pretty powerful stuff, eh?" 393 Bob: "I'll say. Whew! Smells like the Elsinore brewery in here now. Oh, Jeez, look at this. All the labels just 394 peeled off the records. I don't know what's what now." 395 Doug: "Well, you better put somethin' on, quick. I think I see the manager comin' and he looks pissed!" 396 Bob: "Okay, okay, I'll put this one on. Turn the knob-" 397 Sound: "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" 398 Doug: "Holy smokes!! What are you tryin' to do, kill my ears?" 399 Bob: "I'm sorry! All the labels fell off the control panel, too!" 400 Doug: "Well, when the manager comes in here I'm gonna tell him you screwed up and you'll get fired and I'll get a 401 raise!" 402 Bob: "Take off! You will not! It's YOUR fault!" 403 Doug: "He's gonna fire us both if you don't do somethin." 404 Bob: "All right. I'll try this switch-" 405 Sound: "*click*" 406 Doug: "Well? Is it workin'?" 407 Bob: "The record's turnin'. But I don't hear anything." 408 Doug: "Jeez, you're so stupid! You're not supposed to hear anything on this end." 409 Bob: "But-" 410 Doug: "But nothin'. They're listenin' to music right now. Don't mess with it." 411 Bob: "All right. Hey, you know, this is an LP." 412 Doug: "So?" 413 Bob: "So that gives us about thirty minutes with nothin' to do. We still got a half case in the van, don't we?" 414 Doug: "Sure do. You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" 415 Bob: "Let's go!" 416 Doug: "Last one there's a-" 417 Sound: "Slam." 418 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 419 Just, like, thought this place could use a few laughs. 420 Maybe I was wrong, eh? 421 #$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$# J.D. HOSER #$#$#$#$#$#$#:) 422 -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- 423 Milchar: No offense intended. And I know what you mean about averages.... 424 But heck! Remember when Reagan was running for office back in 1980? 425 What kind of an average did he have then? 426 "My fellow Americans... I wasn't wrong, simply misinformed." Right. :-) 427 -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- m.a. -1- -+- -+- -+- -+- 428 -+- -JUGGLER- -+- 429 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp 430 The piper looked at the stunned faces around him. Could this be the intrepid 431 adventurers that had braved the horrors of the unknown? The brave souls that 432 had adventured into the Ruby Valley, braved the black plane between bands of 433 reality, traveled up the Kulumbia? 434 "Milchar -- what if the inkeeper needs our help NOW? We don't know that he's 435 in trouble -- but we don't know that he doesn't, either. Can we spend the time 436 waiting and discussing it?" 437 The piper strode to a dust-covered table near the back of the room and picked 438 up his pipes. Swinging them to his shoulder as he moved back to the hearth, 439 he puffed air into the limp bag. 440 Bagpipes are a strange mixture of simplicity and complexity. Three drones, 441 simple jointed tubes with a reed at the bottom end are tied into an air 442 resevoir, another tube with finger holes and a double reed forms the chanter. 443 The piper blew into the bag, the moisture in his breath condensing and causing 444 the reeds to swell and soften -- changing with temperature and moisture. 445 Whenever pipes have not been played for a while they change. Whenever they 446 are played they change. The piper is always trying to manage these changes 447 in such a manner that the four horns play in unison and in tune. Almost 448 never will a stand of pipes that has been inactive for a time sound anything 449 like they should -- they skirl, squawk, squeak, and in general make a most 450 unnerving racket. 451 The piper ignored the pained looks on the faces of the assembled patrons 452 of the inn as he vainly attempted to balance the pipes. One drone was 453 completely quiet, the other two beating fiercely as he reached the hearth. 454 Holding the chanter in his left hand, he moved the blowpipe to a more 455 comfortable position in his mouth and reached for the carved lion's head 456 that supported the mantle. It moved easily under his hand, with a silky 457 oiled smoothness that belied the grit of dust under his fingers. As it 458 swung toward the horizontal, he released it and his fingers danced over the 459 chanter. The assembled patrons could recognize only the first few bars of 460 "Scotland the Brave" that quickly dopplered into the distance as the piper 461 disappeared into a recurrance of the stinging green gas. For a long moment, 462 the tortured sound of the out-of-tune pipes rang accompniment to the 463 coughs of the unbeleiving patrons. 464 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp 465 ? 466 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 467 Delta Five: Apparently you've never seen a map of the fallout patterns for 468 major strike on the US. 90% of the country is in the danger zones of one 469 or more fallout plumes. Plus, without SDI there will be *no* missiles shot 470 down by our side. We never built the ABM site we were allowed by the treaty 471 The USSR built theirs to protect a missile site (as required by the treaty) 472 of course the missile site is just outside Moscow.... 473 As for someone 'following computer orders' to launch an attack, that will 474 be no more likely than it currently is. The SDI suystem 475 (oops) system is not 'connected' with the missiles & bombers & subs. Heck, 476 even now a Trident or Polaris commander could launch on his own authority 477 and there wouldn't be any way to stop him... (we could always court martial 478 him if we were around to do so....) 479 ______________________Leonard_JD 2446462.5698____________________________ 480 But then we all know how accurate those maps of fallout zones are. There is 481 no way to actually test the data that compiled the maps. Every nuclear 482 explosion is different, even on similar models of bombs. Fallout pattern 483 maps are for post-nuclear living planners. Let them believe in it. Let them 484 move to the 10% that isn't in one of your so called danger zones. They 485 won't be around long enough to worry about the mistakes they made in their 486 figures. 487 ______________________________JD unknown_________________________________ 488 Leonard: The area of the U.S. is about 3.6 E6 sq. miles. 10% of that is Texas + Utah. That's a lot of real estate. 489 Generally speaking, the western U.S. has less targets than the east and midwest. So the west will be less saturated 490 than the other parts of the country. The prevailing winds (if I remember right) blow west to east. One more reason 491 why there are areas that will not be directly affected. (Perhaps this is one reason that hard core survivalists have 492 holed up in Oregon. They may be crazy, but not stupid.) Unless "the Russians" bomb the Pacific Ocean, there won't 493 be much fallout blowing in from Astoria. There will be survivors, and unless Dr. Sagan is right, and unless the axis 494 of the Earth is shifted enough for it's nutation to increase enough to throw this planet out of it's orbit, then life 495 will go on. I think 'they' know that, which is why they have chosen non-military targets such as New York City (nancial 496 records; the United Nations HQ), Portland (the Port of Portland), and etc. [*=*] DELTA FIVE [*=*] 497 (((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))((( Ripple ))) 498 I finally get to this place, The Inn, that I have heard so much about 499 and people are slowly dissapearing in a cloud of green smoke. I have had 500 problems with a similar type of smoke and really would not like to engage 501 in those problems again. All around me are faces in a state of confusion. 502 I looked up at my friend The Juggler, "What is to happen now?". He just 503 shook his head as he tried to hold back a chuckle as he watched me trying 504 to climb into a chair close to the fire. I looked back at him with a small 505 smile when I finally succeded mounting my perch. I know I should be concerned 506 with the problem at hand but right now the first thing on my mind is the 507 warmth of the fire and trying to figure out how to obtain a glass of ale. 508 Now where did I put 'my' mug? Juggler looked over at me asking " What are 509 you doing? You look a bit confused." "Oh I'm just trying to find my mug" 510 "Mine can hold just as much as one of those tankards you use but the out side 511 is much smaller, besides I am afraid that if I try ti use one of those large 512 ones I may just fall in. Ahhhh here it is... I set a small pixie sized 513 mug on the table and instantly a strange look came over the Juggler's face. 514 With a bit of disbelief and a chuckle he said "You mean to say you are going 515 to pour all of this into there?". "Sure" I said. "No problem well one problem, 516 would you be so kind as to help me pour it in?" 517 (((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))((( Ripple ))) 518 519 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 520 Ripple, do you mean to say you have a TARDIS mug? :-) 521 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 522 Milchar listened to the fading 'music' of Piper's bagpipes and was hesitant. 523 After a few moments of indecision, he fumbled in his robes for his packet of 524 3x5 cards. He hoped that they were still in order. After some searching, a 525 worn card, yellow with age, caught his eye. Milchar quickly recited the runes 526 on it as he stepped toward the fireplace. It was now enveloped in the noxious 527 yellow gas; the head supporting the mantel was almost completely concealed. 528 Milchar gave it a twist as he had seen the Innkeeper and Piper do, and at 529 once was sucked into the portal. Milchar hardly had time to wonder about the 530 environment on the other side, and if his spell would hold out long against it. 531 ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Milchar, 12:00pm, 1 Feb 86 ++++++cough, wheeze, sniff 532 :*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:* 533 Nick Danger was here!! 534 :*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:* 535 JD *unknown*: After looking at the ash deposition patterns for Mt. Saint 536 Helens, I'm pretty sure that those maps are accurate enough. 537 As for Texas & Utah being equal to 10% of the country, that's fine. But 538 those 'safe' areas aren't going to be in one big chunk. 539 More to 'JD': Are you now trying to say that we *don't* have to worry about 540 a major nuclear strike? If so, don't bother replying to any of my msgs in 541 the future. There's no point talking with someone who is *that* far out of 542 touch with reality. 543 ______________________Leonard_JD 2446463.5000____________________________ 544 545 TO: L'homme etal 546 RE: Message 547 548 Received. Plan 2-6-86 19:00hrs PST. Here..amongst the horses. 549 Advise usual operatives. Will contact you by 2-4-86 at 3031 or 0296 550 to confirm T&D&V. If yunable to advise. I will check here for N.L. 04 551 552 553 tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt 554 durinng the early sixties... at one point... the soviets were resting 555 on either their laurals or something obscene... we... the americans found 556 that we could annhilatee the soviets... for a loss of only ten million... 557 or so... american citizens... 558 there was no war... sanity reigned over the joint chiefs and the chief 559 executive... in short... no one is insane enough... not even the generals 560 and admirals left over from the era of ike... to detonate a nuclear war... 561 or even a final skirmish... 562 which is why i simply dont worry.... waiting for my acceptance into the 563 foreign service... since there are more pressing matters than the position 564 of the american trident defense system... or the sdi... 565 tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt 566 567 Dear Ann Landers, 568 I am writing to see if you can offer some glimmer of hope into my rather unfortunate life. 569 It all started a year ago, when the lumberyard burned down. It seems that my partmer didn't like me. 570 He renewed the insurance in his name, and then hired an arsonist. You wouldn't believe how it burned. 571 Well, now he's lying on a beach somewhere watching the native girls, and sipping something exotic from 572 a hollowed out Pineapple, and I'm here, in this place. By the way, please excuse the crayon. 573 They don't allow us to have anything sharp here. Well, that wasn't so bad, but I had just left the doctors office. 574 I learned that I have cancer of the brain, spleen, and Achilles tendon. Also, the heartbreak of Psoriasis. 575 On the way home, I was involved in a three car accident. Well, the other two cars were Poice vehicles. 576 I had to put up my house for bail. When I finally did get home, I discovered that my wife had run away. 577 With a Bulgarian dentist from South El Monte, of all people. They took the kids, too. Not only that, but my 578 Mother in law had moved in, and immediately started to bad mouth me, accusing me of mistreating her daughter. 579 Well, I just couldn't take any more. I got out my Walther, pointed it at my head, said a short prayer, and fired. 580 Oh, Ann, wouldn't you know it. I missed. And hit-you guessed it- my mother in law. The Police said I did it on purpose. 581 Well, the jury believed me, and set me free. I was so happy! I thought I could live out the few months 582 the Doctor said I had left, in peace and quiet, but when I got home, more police were waiting for me. 583 Ann, it's against the law to try to committ suicide here. The judge was very stern, and not very nice to me. 584 He said I was a menace to society, and sent me here, the Snickering Sycamores Rest Home. 585 There's this battle axe nurse that makes me weave baskets all day, and tomorrow the doctor is going to 586 give me something called a lobotomy. I don't know what that is, but it scares me terribly. 587 Is there anything you can say that might cheer me up, Ann? 588 Yours Truly, Mixed up Michael. 589 (And you thought you had problems) [*=*] 590 Leonard: It was I who mentioned Texas and Utah, andall that. I am *not* saying we have nothing to fear from a nuclear 591 xchange, and I am *not* out of touch with reality. What I am saying is that a nuclear war would not kill everyone 592 in the U.S. A 25MT device, exploded at optimum altitude would cause total destruction of about 300 sq. miles. 593 To totally destroy the U.S. would take about 12,000 25 Megaton devices, all detonated at the right altitude, and all 594 detonated in a pattern of one per every 300 sq. miles. The 'Russians' don't have that many bombs, and many of the 595 ones they do are not that big. (25MT is a *big* bomb). Some of these are aimed at Western Europe, and other places. 596 We are not the *only* target, you know. (Or do you?). Even if 99% got launched, didn't explode on the launching pad 597 and hit their targets exactly right, that still leaves a lot af area. Agreed, there will not be any winners, but there 598 will be people left alive. [*=*] DELTA FIVE [*=*] 599 """"""""""""""""""Soli... 600 (((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))((( Ripple ))) 601 Well it's not quite that big inside 602 (((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))((( Ripple ))) 603 -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- 604 Nope, just a mug-of-holding... eh? 605 -+- -+- -+- -+- -JUGGLER- -+- -+- -+- 606 (((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))((( Ripple ))) 607 Yep something like that. 608 (((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))(((*)))((( Ripple ))) 609 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 610 Really ? 611 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!nochioP!!! 612 *********************** 613 elcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System) Mike Day System operator 614 ***********************************************.********** 615 NERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION 616 PLACED ON THIS sYSTEM. 617 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privately owned 618 d operated system which is currently open for use by the general public. 619 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is TOTAL NUMBER OF LINES = 619