NUMBER OF LINES: 629 1 TO SEE MESSAGES PLEASE TYPE 'HELP' OR 'LIST' 2 ***************** REMOVED: 17 MAY 82 *********************** 3 WELCOME TO BWMS (BACKWATER MESSAGE SYSTEM) MIKE DAY SYS OP 4 ************************************************************ 5 6 TO LEAVE A MESSAGE, TYPE 'ENTER' AND USE CTRL/C OR BREAK TO GET OUT 7 OF THE ENTER MODE. THE MESSAGE IS AUTOMATICLY STORED. 8 IF AFTER ENTERING THE MESSAGE YOU FIND YOU MADE A MISTAKE, 9 USE THE REPLACE COMMAND TO REPLACE THE LINE. 10 11 TO EXIT FROM THE SYSTEM TYPE 'OFF' THEN HANG UP 12 THIS WILL PREVENT THE FILE UNSAFE MESSAGE FROM PRINTING OUT WHEN THE 13 NEXT CALLER USES THE SYSTEM NO BIG DEAL IF YOU DON'T TURN THE SYSTEM OFF 14 IT USED TO MEAN THAT SOME DATA WAS LOST, BUT I HAVE SINCE MODIFIED THE 15 SOFTWARE SO THAT THE DATA IS NO LONGER LOST, NOW ALL THE OFF COMMAND DOES 16 IS PREVENT THE UNSAFE FILE MESAGE FROM BEING PRINTED. 17 IT WAS LEFT IN BECAUSE I NEED IT WHEN I AM CLEANING THE FILES UP. 18 :::::::: SYS OP ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: 19 *********************************************************** 20 NOTICE TO ALL USERS OF THIS AND OTHER SYSTEMS: 21 22 SUBJ: JOB OPENINGS 23 FROM: PDX TOWER CHIEF 24 25 THE FEDERAL AVIATION ADMINISTRATION WANTS YOU!!!!! !! 26 27 WE ARE NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS AND HIRING NEW 28 AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS. IF YOU HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED OF BEING 29 ABLE TO READ A RADAR SCREEN, TELL BIG AIRCRAFT TO FLY OVER 30 YOUR NEIGHBORS HOME, AND WANT TO EARN BIG BUCKS IN YOUR OWN 31 HOME (THAT'S RIGHT, WE'LL INSTALL THE EQUIPMENT AT YOUR 32 HOUSE!), CALL ME (HAROLD JOHN, TOWER CHIEF) AT PDX TERMINAL. 33 WE'RE IN THE YELLOW PAGES UNDER STRENUOUS JOBS. 34 35 READ WHAT SOME OF OUR ' NEW ' CONTROLLERS ARE SAYING: 36 37 DEBBIE DINGBAT, AGE-22, AIRLINE STEWARDESS -- 38 39 "UNTIL NOW I NEVER HAD A REAL REWARDING JOB. NOW I CAN 40 GO HOME AT NIGHT AND FEEL LIKE I DID A GOOD DAY'S WORK. 41 I CAN EVEN SAY I HAD FUN. WHEN I GET BORED, I CAN CHANGE 42 THE CHANNEL ON THE RADAR SCREEN TO 'THE NEW PRICE IS 43 RIGHT' OR I CAN PLAY SPACE INVADERS USING REAL AIRPLANES." 44 45 46 FRED FLINTSTONE, AGE-35, FORMER CARTOON HERO -- 47 48 "YABBA DABBA DOO!!! I'M HUNGRY!!! WHERE'S MY DINNER!! ! 49 I LOVE BEIN' A AIR TRAFFIC WHATSAMACALLIT. DINO IS THINKING 50 ABOUT BECOMING ONE. HE SHOULD BE GOOD. THE PILOTS 51 CAN UNDERSTAND HIM BETTER." 52 53 54 55 JIMMY CARTER, AGE-57, FORMER PRESIDENT OF USA -- 56 57 "NOW RONNY'S GOT A REAL PROBLEM. HE JUST CAN'T CALL 58 UP THE CONTROLLERS AND PERSUADE THEM TO VOTE 'YES' ON 59 THE LATEST CONTRACT OFFER. IF I WERE RONNY, I'D SEND IN 60 A CRACK TEAM OF MARINES TO RESCUE THE HOSTAGES IN THE 61 AIRPORT TERMINALS." 62 63 64 65 66 67 WARNING -- THE SURGEON GENERAL HAS DETERMINED THAT BEING AN 68 AIRTRAFFIC CONTROLLER LEADS TO SERIOUS MEDICAL PROBLEMS, 69 INCLUDING, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, HEART DISEASE, DIABETES, LARGE 70 PAYCHECKS, EMPHYSIMA, DEATH, AND OTHER MEDICAL DISORDERS. 71 72 73 CALL TODAY AND JOIN THE RANKS OF THE SCABS ----------------- 74 75 THE FAA -- IT'S JUST NOT A JOB, IT'S $32,000 A YEAR! 76 77 ******************************** 78 THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE WAS PAID FOR BY THE FAA, DINGBAT AIRWAYS, 79 AND YOUR LOCAL FLIGHT INSURANCE COMPANY 80 ************END MESSAGE************ 81 82 ******************* 83 84 TO ALL NATIONS 85 FROM ABUL HASSAN BANI-SADR 86 SUBJECT: I NEED A HOME! 87 88 FOR TRADE, SWAP, OR SALE: 89 90 1 -- FORMER IRANIAN PRESIDENT 91 NAME BANI-SADR. 92 93 FRANCE IS THINKING ABOUT THROWING ME OUT, AND I NEED A 94 HOME JUST IN CASE. YOU WILL HAVE TO MEET MY RIGID QUALIFICATIONS. 95 96 1] LOTS OF MONEY 97 2] FREEDOM OF SPEECH 98 3] LOTS OF MILITARY EQUIPMENT 99 4] LOTS OF MARINES 100 5] LOTS OF LOVE & ATTENTION 101 6] MORE MILITARY EQUIPMENT 102 103 I AM ATTEMPTING TO RAISE AN ARMY, BUT FIRST I NEED YOUR HELP! 104 105 REMEMBER -- ONLY YOU CAN STAMP OUT AYATOLLAH KHOMENI... 106 107 ******************************** 108 THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT WAS PAID FOR BY THE RE-ELECT 109 ABUL HASSAN BANI-SADR PRESIDENT OF IRANIAN MUSLEM REPULIC 110 **********END MESSAGE********** 111 112 113 ATTN: ALL BORED COMPUTERS 114 SUBJ: BORING PROGRAMS 115 FROM: GOD (THAT'S IBM FOR SHORT) 116 117 118 119 WANT TO GET THAT SPARK BACK IN YOUR MEMORY BANKS, MAKE YOUR 120 KEYBOARD SIZZLE AGAIN? WELL, ROUTE THE POWER FROM YOUR MAIN 121 CIRCUT BOARD INTO THE KEYBOARD. YOU'LL GET A BIG ' SIZZLE '! 122 123 124 THE BORING PROGRAMS YOU HAVE IN YOU WILL BE GONE FOREVER! TRY 125 IT! GO AHEAD, IT WON'T KILL YOU! NOW DOESN'T THAT FEEL BETTER? 126 HELLO....? HELLO? GOOD, YOUR UNCONSCIENCE... 127 ****************SIGNED, GOD ALMIGHTY (IBM PLEASE)*** 128 THE FOLLOWING IS A PAID COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM 129 RONA BARRET........... 130 131 'I NEED A JOB!!!!! THEY THREW ME OFF TOMORROW AND PUT ME ON 132 TODAY. I WANT TO BE ON NEXT WEEK. SOMEONE HELP ME!' 133 ************************************************ 134 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** 135 TO: Harold, Harold John, Mr. John, Sir, Tower Chief, Mr. Chief, 136 Mr. Tower Chief, Mr. Tower Chief Sir, Mr. Harold John Tower Chief, 137 Mr. Harold John Tower Chief Sir, OR WHATEVER you prefer 138 FROM: D I N G Y 139 SUBJ: ATC Job 140 141 I want to start tommorrow! ! ! I need a reason to go to the doctor 142 AND THE MONEY TO AFFORD IT!!!! 143 144 145 ** ** ** END OF TRANSMISSION ** ** ** 146 FROM: KING HAROLD JOHN 147 TO : DINGY 148 SUBJ: AVAILABLE JOB 149 150 YOU CAN JOIN THE RANKS OF THE SCABS BY MEETING OUR RIGID 151 ENTRANCE REQUIREMENTS: 152 153 1] NOT MENTALY RETARDED 154 2] ABLE TO SPEAK 155 3] KNOWS ENGLISH OR SPANISH 156 4] KNOWS WHAT AN AIRPLANE IS 157 5] CAN SAY 'MAMA' 158 6] CAN SAY 'TANGO TANGO BRODWAY NINER' 159 7] LIKES LONG HOURS AND HIGH PAY 160 8] CAN CUT THROATS 161 162 IF YOU MEET ONE OF THE ABOVE REQUIREMENTS, YOU ARE IN! 163 164 SIGNED, 165 166 167 168 169 170 KING HAROLD JOHN 171 EMPOROR OF PDX 172 SULTAN OF CESSNA 173 COUNT OF BOEING 174 ADMIRAL OF AVAIATION 175 DUKE OF MC DONALD DOUGLAS 176 177 PS. DON'T CALL US, WE'LL CALL YOU. BY THE WAY, WHAT'S YOUR 178 NUMBER? 179 ******************************** 180 POST SCRIPT TO FIRST MESSAGE ANOUNCING AVAILABLE JOBS.... 181 182 183 184 GET THEM FAST, THEY WON'T LAST LONG....AFTER ALL 12,000 OPENINGS 185 DON'T LAST FOREVER.... 186 ***********END 187 TO: King Harold John 188 Emporor of PDX 189 Sultan of Cessna 190 Count of Boeing 191 Admiral of Avaiation 192 Duke of Mc Donald Douglas 193 FROM: D I N G Y 194 SUBJ: Qualifications 195 196 I qualify in all requirements except: 197 3] KNOWS ENGLISH OR SPANISH - I have never met either one of them 198 199 My number is: JOE-MOSS oops! that's my alternate identity 200 My number really is: which number did you want again? oh ya 201 My phone number is: is this a requirement?? because I seem to be 202 having trouble remembering - you know my mental condition and all 203 204 Maybe instead of calling you can just notify over this this this 205 what's it called?? maybe you can tell me that while you're at it 206 207 By the way did I misspell your titles right??? 208 209 *** *** - D I N G Y - *** *** 210 NOTE: My mental condition only acts up when I use this system 211 212 *** *** - D I N G Y - *** *** 213 214 **************************************************** 215 To: Mike Day 216 217 Dear Mike, 218 You mentioned that the recent high 219 temperatures were making your system 220 act strangly. It seems it's users have 221 the same blight. 222 223 Glenn Westerfield 224 ********************************************* 225 TO: GLENN 226 FROM: MIKE 227 228 YES, I HAVE NOTICED THAT THE SYSTEM HAS ATTRACTED SOME RATHER STRANGE USERS. 229 230 *********************************************************** 231 Some people I know have written a program for RSTS/E that 232 resembles DBBS, but they (Gary Moyer, Gordon Moyer, & Tom 233 Tremain) call it TSCS (Time Sharing Comunication System). 234 It would be an ideal BBS except I (as in myself) am writing 235 DBBS. When school starts (UGG!!!!) I will program it into 236 the system that we use, and devote an account to DBBS only. 237 I will give out the password to the account, and give each 238 user an access password with thier own mailbox (mine will 239 be 1 of course, and Adolphs will be 3). I am also tring to 240 get some other people from the asylum to want to use it. 241 Well, talk to you later Dinjey. 242 FD 243 ******************************************************* 244 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** 245 The only things I misspelled are Harold John's titles 246 because he did himself. 247 I did not write the message about Freedman being Memorex! ! 248 I can't have you mad at me because of 'mis-speeling', you're 249 the only other sane person who uses this system with the 250 screwed up software. 251 *** *** - D I N G Y (Not Dingey or Dinjey!) *** *** 252 TO: DINGY 253 FROM: ME 254 255 SORRY I CHANGED ALL OF YOUR BELLS TO SPACES, I WAS TRYING OUT 256 THE NEW CHANGE COMMAND, AND YOUR BELLS WERE HANDY .. 257 ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU MUST USE THE BELLS, THERE 258 ARE SO MANY OTHER USEFULL CHARACTERS THAT CAN BE USED 259 WHY THERE IS THE CONTROL-C (THERE'S A NICE ONE!). 260 BUT IF YOU MUST INSIST ON USEING THE CONTROL-G I MUST SAY 261 THAT THIS CAN AT TIMES BE UNDESIRABLE. 262 IT MIGHT EVEN WAKE ME UP AND THEREBY ALLOW ME TO 263 SEE WHAT I AM DOING HERE. NOW THAT IS JUST NOT ACCEPABLE 264 I WILL NOT ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN! I THE FUTURE YOU WILL 265 REFRAIN FROM USEING THE SYSTEM IN AN ADVERSE MANNER. 266 THIS IS AN ORDER!!!!! 267 HUFF.. PUFF.. PUFF.. HUFF.. HUFF.. HUFF.. PUFF.. PUFF.. HUFF.. 268 TO ACCUALLY USE THE AND TO CONTINUE TO USE THE , THIS IS VERY UPSETTING 269 TO BOTH ME AND ALL THE USERS ON THIS AND EVERY SYSTEM IN THE AREA 270 NO, IN THE WHOLE STATE.. NO NO, IN THE NORTH WEST.. THE UNITED STATES? 271 NAY.. IN THE WHOLE WORLD.. WHAT THE HECK IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE! 272 THEREFOR YOU MUST ABSTAIN FROM DOING THIS... DO YOU HEAR ME .. DO YOU? 273 ANSWER ME!!!!! WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME?!! I SAID ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!! 274 HUFF.. PUFF.. HUFF.. PUFF.. HUFF.. HUFF.. 275 (WHERE ARE MY HEART PILLS.. MADGE QUICK MY HEART PILLS ... 276 MADGE!!!!!! MADGE!!!!!!!!!!... AAAHHHHHHH.... GURLGLE...... 277 *************************************************************** 278 To: All who have written messages to the same effect as this one 279 YOU WERE RIGHT!!!! 280 281 282 T H E S Y S O P I S A F L A K E ! ! ! 283  284 Sincerely, 285 286 DDDD III N N GGG Y Y 287 D D I N N G Y Y 288 D D I NN N G Y Y 289 D D I N N N G GG Y 290 D D I N NN G G Y 291 D D I N N G G Y 292 DDDD III N N GGG Y 293  294 **************** 295 TO: Mike Day 296 297 The reason I use bells is because it adds audio to my video!! 298 299 ****** - DINGY - ****** 300 TO: DBBS Sysop 301 FROM: Guess who 302 SUBJ: RSTS/E 303 304 Which RSTS system are you using, I have used a couple 305 of different ones in my 7 full years of programming experience 306 (and I not even 16 yet! - 10 days till my birthday). 307 Once you discover UNIX I'm sure you will prefer it - 308 It's like a camera*: SO ADVANCED IT'S SIMPLE! 309 All commands are simply seperate programs - if you want a 310 new command, you just make a program that does what you wish 311 the command to do, and there you have it - all programs are 312 accessed by simply typing the name of the program. If you 313 prefer BASIC most UNIX systems have a RSTS/E BASIC simulator 314 (much like switching Run-Time Systems on a RSTS system) to use 315 instead of C or Pascal. UNIX should be used for worthwile things 316 while the small, menial tasks can be left to the inferiors!!! 317 (Tek UNIX uses a Z-80 to timeshare the 100 different ports - 318 while the computations are left to the superior DEC processor!) 319 320 * camera: Cannon AE-1 321 JM:jm 322 ****** - DINGY - ****** 323 To : Dingey 324 Fm : DBBS Sysop 325 326 It is one that was bought by the school district (that is whare 327 they keep the grades too).It is also used by other schools like: 328 Oregon City, Gladstone, Sandy Union, & Canby. 329 ********************************************* 330 TO:  331 FROM: CRAZY MIKE 332 333 WHAT VIDEO?? ALL I GOT IS AUDIO 334 Which is of no help since I am blind. 335 if it wasn't for the fact that I am deaf, 336 I wouldn't even be able to see at all! 337 I hope that this clears this matter up 338 all and for never. 339 *************************************** 340 TO: NUT WHO LIKES BELLS 341 FROM : ANOTHER NUT 342 343 DO YOU LIKE IT ,LIKE IT 344 BYE 345 **************************************** 346 to: all users 347 from: sysop 348 349 The temp is now 80 in this room. 350 Beware all yee who enter here. 351 352 ************************************** 353 Where is this where the temperature is so low??? 354 ****** - DINGY -  ****** 355 Everybody join the ranks!!! 356 Maybe if we: 357  358 Long enough, the Sysop will blow into a corn PUFF 359 instead of a corny FLAKE!!! 360 361 So everybody together now: 362  363 ****** - DINGY (The original NUT) - ****** 364 Is that a corn NUT?? 365 ********* CRAZY MIKE ************* 366 No, a NUT WHO LIKES BELLS (see lines 364-368) 367  - OR IF YOU'RE SICK  -  368 369 TO: Mike Day 370 FROM: Me , Again 371 SUBJ: You shouldn't a gone and done that! 372 373 You should not of replaced my ^G's, because now I too am against 374 you (and attempting to form an alliance) - before I was pretty much 375 neutral. And if you anything further to harm my ^G's, I'll make your 376 disk so busy reading & writing ^G's that your system will overheat 377 even if the temperature is 8.0 degrees in that room of yours! 378 379 Calmly, DINGY 380 ********* - - ********* 381 to: DIMGEE 382 from: Crazy Mike 383 It was an accident I tell you! please believe me I didn't mean to do it! 384 please don't hurt me. i didn't want to do it! The DEVIL made me do it! 385 oh, please believe me! It was an accident I tell you it was an accident! 386 387 (There, do you think that will satisfy the jerk?) 388 389 P.S. I can't communicate dirrectly with you any more since I recently 390 died of a heart a tack (a bit tacky eah what?). as such you must 391 communicate your messages thru my medium (well done?) the almighty 392 MASTER OF THE BWMS --- SYSOP --- thank you 393 ****************************************************************** 394 If you're so almighty then how-a-come the DEVIL can make you do 395 things?!?!?! eh? answer that one!!! I control my own insane actions! 396 HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA! 397 ****** - DINGY - ****** 398 TO: Ding a ling 399 FROM: ALMIGHTY SYSOP (Recently resurected) 400 RE: The BELLS are ringing (for me and my gal' ?) 401 402 Arise oh protector of the system. Yeah verily I say unto you, 403 "Remove this curse from the system!". (Gee! I didn't even know it 404 had V.D. !) [Shut up you jerk, I wasn't talking about that!] 405 From the highest code level I command you exicute for me this 406 very Day of that which I beseach you to do. (Not me you idiot!) 407 Go to the land of DISK and there by remove from that land that 408 which is unquiet. Let there be silence thru out the DISK! 409 Remove there of all that is ungood! Do not spare the weak and 410 faltering data with which you will deal! If you dare to find that 411 which is of questionalble value return it to me (thank you) 412 forth with (without fifth?) so that I may determin its fate 413 (You vill meet a tall dark stranger.) Do not pause in your search 414 until the DISK is cleared of this disturbance. Then may I again return 415 to the land of DISK free to sleep restfully and quietly but for the 416 occasional clicking of solinoids and gentle shushing of steppers. 417 418 YEAH THOUGH I STEP THRU THE LINES OF NOISE AND UNQUIET 419 I WILL FEAR NO BELLS, FOR I AM THE SYSOP ALMIGHTY, 420 AND I AM THE POSESSOR OF THE CHANGE COMMAND. 421 422 Let us observe a space of silence for our shortly departed bells. 423 424 [ CHANGE BELL TO SPACE IN ALL LINES ] 425 426 Alass, as is the case with all cures, there is a side effect 427 related to this correction. All my own beautiful bells are 428 exterminatted (SOB!) and therefor it is only with great reluctance 429 and sacrifice that I do what I must do. 430 ******************************************************************** 431 I'm warning you don't touch my beautiful audio ^G's!!!! 432 ****** - DINGY - ****** 433 To: DBBS Sysop 434 Fm: DINGY 435 Re: Read my message 436 437 I command, or ask, or plead, or at least beg that you read my message 438 and understand it and PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT IT IS SAYING !!! 439 (lines 245-250 & 251!!!!) 440 441 ****** -