Whatever Ramblings beer reviews -- * = Reviewers Choice! ------------------------------- Email: (swain@enigma.rider.edu) ** NOTE: Due to the substantial amount of beers in this world, we scrapped this idea to avoid ridiculous printing costs and because we have better things to write about. This is only available as an Ezine version. Would you believe, more beer reviews? Ahh, why not? This time around we're ignoring categories and placing all beer products in one big section. The puking factor is based upon the chances of comiting after drinking approximately 72 ounces of beer (a six pack). 1= Non-Existent whereas 10 or above means you'll be staring at porcelain all night. Any PF listen above 10 translates to personal hate for the beer. Board of taste-testers: Marcel, Alex, Mike, and other malcontents. Mickey's (Big Mouth's) The wasp on the bottle says it all. Stupidly hip now thanks to the contrived House of Pain. If you turn your nose up to Crazy Horse and St. Ides and aver red rap, this is for you. Comes in a 6 pack of cute little bottles, too. So you won't tire your stick arm! PUKING FACTOR: 5 - MP (note: they have twist-off caps too!) Cocqui 900 The devil brew immortalized by Skooly D years ago. "...The ultimate homeboy's drink" I can't begin to tell you how strong this stuff really is. Damned in Philly because it was above the allowable capacity of alcohol content. I bought some in Brooklyn a few weeks ago -- $1.19 a 40! - MP Sam Adams Winter Lager Hooray for winter beer! This means stronger and more potent alcohol for you enthusiasts! This is simply a stronger version of regular Sam Adams. It should keep you nice and warm during the cold months. PUKING FACTOR: 4 - AS Molson Export Ale A nice tasting thin ale that is easily poundable, and not quite as easy to puke up. For the most part, most Molson tastes the same. PUKING FACTOR: 2 - AS American Beer Oh my god! Beer worse than Budweiser? Definitely so. Avoid this, oh god, please avoid this. (note: roughtly $6.00 a case if that means anything). PUKING FACTOR: 70 - AS Red White and Blue God, this is horrible. I remember my freshman year I would buy this for $1.29 a six. Has a taste that can only be described as instantly head-ache inducing. Once you get past the taste, the headache really begins. PUKING FACTOR: 80 - MP Lord Chesterfield/Old Germany Both of these are made by Yuengling, which is hard to believe w/ the other super delicious brews in their library. Oh well....It's hard to fault it at $6 a case. I lumped them together because they are both the same damn thing. Nasty, very nasty, although Lord Chessie is maybe a little less so. This stuff can only be found in the Philly/Pittsburgh area. Check it out. PUKING FACTOR: 7 - MP Ballantines Ale This is probably my most favorite brew in the whole world. Very cheap ($1.50/quart) and damn tasty. Has a kind of skanky taste. I read Michael Jacksons World Guide to Beer and he said it is one of the GREAT cheap beers of the world. This fellow should know, he travels the world sampling brew. Wish I had his job. But to get back to Ballantines Triple X brew, this guy said it has a rosy, fruity aftertaste. What a flake! - MP ASAHI Super Dry All these Japanese beers have the most unique taste. I don't know what they do when they brew this, but it's not that bad. However, this unique taste could possibly be confused with mold, which may distract some. But hey, you'll never know till you try. PUKING FACTOR: 5 - AS Samuel Smith's WINTER WELCOME Of all the winter beers, even Sam Adams' Winter Lager, I'd have to say this beer ranks among the top 3 (out of maybe 10 Winter beers I've had). Sam Smith beer is usually strong; thick; and way filling, but this traditional ale is dark but easy to drink, and will knock you to the ground after 3 bottles (each bottle is 18.7 oz). Rules to live by: #1 English ale is the best ale made, #2 NO LIME JUICE! #3 English ale is expensive. Expect to pay $3.50 for a bottle of this, and drink it warm the first time around. PUKING FACTOR: 8 - AS Bohemia BEER This is an extremely delicious beer from Mexico which I just found out about. Generally I hate Mexican beers with their watered down pungent taste (Dos Equis? Yuck) but then comes along a true contender for my belly. This is a completely no- frills beer with a high-quality taste. A 6-pack will run you about $6.25 and that should make you happy and warm on these cold winter nights. PUKING FACTOR: 4 - AS Pinkus Weizen Wheat Good mild tasting beer, toasted wheat taste. Good hop balance and very grainy tasting. This is truly an extremely mild beer compared to others reviewed here. PUKING FACTOR: 5 - MR/AS Labatts 50 Ale Very fumey. The fumes hit you hard. Not very good at all, like most Canadian beers, it tastes very watery. PUKING FACTOR: 3 - MR Labatts Blue Pretty good basic drinking beer although it's watery like most other Canadians. Tolerable, but weak tasting; nothing exciting. PUKING FACTOR: 3 - MR Watney's Red Barrel Good english beer, nice malty taste. Good hops in the background. Not too heavy, goes well with most food, especially potato chips. PUKING FACTOR: 4 - MR Chihuaha Most light Mexican beers taste the same as Corona, the only thing that makes chihuaha unique is that it's a bit nastier and more of a puking factor than Corona. PUKING FACTOR: 7 - MR Fuller's ESB Stands for Extra Special Bitters. Excellent bitters. Hits your head very quick but that's okay because it tastes great. Very malty, a little bit on the thick side, but in a nice way. PUKING FACTOR: 2 - MR Orangeboom Lager Totally lame beer. An over-advertised beer from Germany. Totally nasty, not very tolerable. PUKING FACTOR: 12- MR Elephant Malt Liquor Wow, Malt liquor for $6.25 a six? You gotta be crazy. But hey, if you love that malty taste and want something your something won't get rid of, this is for you. And man, you won't BELIEVE how quick this fucks you up. (a 6-pack makes a fat man tipsy). PUKING FACTOR: 7 - AS Ringnes Ale This norweigen ale is pretty good so far (I'm drinking it as I write). It tastes remarkably yummy at first, and suddenly starts tasting like those moth discs at the bottom of men's urinals. I mean, hey, it's not that bad, and because it was intentional I guess that's pretty punk, eh? A sixer is gonna kill you. PUKING FACTOR: 9 - AS Union Premium Yugoslavia beer. Great stuff, cheaper than Budweiser with a Heinekenesque taste. PUKING FACTOR: 3 - MR Gilde Pilsner Excellent cheap German beer. But it's kind of fucked up the way that the picture on the side of the cardboard six-pack carrier pictures people pouring Bitburger into a glass rather than Gilde Pilsner. PUKING FACTOR: 6 - MR McEwans Scotch Ale Awesome beer but fattening as hell, and expensive too. It'll get you hooked at the first sip, and before you know it, you'll weigh 400 punds and be offering the liquor store owner head for just one more six pack. PUKING FACTOR: 4 - MR Ringnes Export Tastes just like the ale, yet milder (so it doesn't taste as much like Burger King urinals than the former). It's pretty good, but it again sometime, eh? - PUKING FACTOR: 6 - AS/MR Anchor Liberty Ale Man this shit is delicious, I mean yummy. It does take a while to get used to. I has this certain taste that no other beer really has. So, grab a bottle (or on tap in San Francisco) but be prepared to pay $8.25 a six (at least in the east coast). PUKING FACTOR : 5 - AS Troika russian beer A salty aftertaste that stays on your tongue, not too pleasant. Thin in texture, basically crappy beer. PUKING FACTOR: N/A (can't get more than two in your system) - MO Red Seal Ale Reddish brown in color, good hop flavor, and very bubbly. Definitely a delicious beer with a cool label. From Mendocino, California, check this out if you can find it. PUKING FACTOR: N/A (comes in 22 oz bottles) - MO/AS (*Editor's Choice*) John Courage Compares well to other beers but I still stand on the philosophy that English cannot make lagers but their ales are the best in the world. Pretty grainy taste, etc, etc, blah blah blah. PUKING FACTOR: 5 - MR Double Diamond Same as John Courage but maltier. (See above) Sam Adams Cream Stout This is some tasty brew. I highly recommend this, especially with a dish of pasta. PUKING FACTOR: 4 - AS Sam Adams Triple Bock This is actually a barleywine, which if you know anything means that its got a super high alcohol content and is meant for sipping only. I can't say its great, but it definitely has its moments. It comes in a rad purple bottle and costs about four bucks. Not for the timid. PUKING FACTOR: TOO HIGH - AS BEERS TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS: (all reviews done collaboratively) Keystone (light, dry and any other shit) This shit sucks. Old Milwaukee Garbage beer but not as shitty as Keystone Meister Brau On level with Keystone (weak as hell) Molson Light Better off drinking water with a drop of alcohol Alpha Cheap German beer with even a cheaper taste. King Cobra Generic malt liquor. Makes barf or flem look appetizing. GPC Beer Goddamn, I'd rather take bad acid. Natural Light Even the Baron De Sade wouldn't wish it on the worst of his enemies Piels Even wino's flatly refuse it. Mad dog 20/20 It used to be beer, but it was so bad that they decided to add some artificial flavouring and sulfites. Killian's Irish Red It's okay at first but it turns nasty REAL fast. Even Dave (shakes the clown) won't touch it. Golden Anniversary Otherwise known as Golden Spewaversary. Will send your taste buds crying in revolt. Cisco What a great story behind this. This isn't so much beer as its a liquer. This used to be available in Oakland as 22 ounce bottles. We're talking 22.5% by volume. This stuff was killing all the drunks so they now only sell it in 12 oz bottles. But still, they're dying anyway. This is the creme de la creme of all swill alcohols. 'Nuff said. * NOTE: Upon moving to Berkeley I discovered breweries that had 27 beers on tap, sometimes 40. I drank them all but would risk carpale-tunnel syndrome if I reviewed them all. For more reviews search Usenet and/or Veronica for the keyword "microbrew". --END--