PuD: Not only are we K00L, we're KeWL too! ÚÄÄÄ-ùú úù-ÄÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄ-ùú ÚÄÄÄ-ùú ³° ° ú °³ ³ ° ³ ° ± ú ³ ù °³ ³ ° ° ³ ° ù ³ ° ú \ °³ ³ ° ³ ° ° ú ° \ ³° ù ° | ° ³ ³ ± ° ³ ± ù | ASCii by ³ ± : ³ ° ³ ³ ° ³ ± ú : ± ³ ³ ° ù ± | ° ° ³ ³ ² ³ ² ù | ³ [MFa] ³ ° ú / ± ³ ³ ± ³ ±° : ³° ³ ³ ± ° ù ² ³ ³ ° ³ ° ù | ³ ³ ² ú ±°³ ³ ° ³ ± ú : ° ³ ³ ° ù °³ ³ ² ³ ° ù ± | | ú ° | | | ú / : : : : ù ù ù ù ù ú ú ú ú ú * Opening Quote: "She had the kind of ass where you could wake up in the morning with your face between the cheeks, and not even care." -------------------- * AKA 'Quote by Baph THiS is PuD 3/16 by the L8, GR8 NO CASHeW that losers like you will plagiarize' ³ 3³ ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ» ³ ßßßßßß ßßßßßß ³°° º PuD Cubed. Serving the modem º ³ ßß ßß ßß ßß ³°° º public for longer than most º ³ ßßßßßß ßß ßß ßß ßßß ³°° º other T/FiLES have been. º ³ ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß ³°° ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ ³ßß ßßßßß ßßßßßß ³°° ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ°° °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°² <- Error What's in this PuD? ------------------- þ An explanation of this neat new ASCii format þ Neat-O quotes þ NEWS!!! NeWS! Nu00Z! þ PuD GleE KLuB -IV- þ Lots of other PPPPPHHHHHun stuff þ An explanation of..... Wow. An EVEN-NUMBERED, NON-HYPER, TEXT ONLY issue of PuD. NC is rolling over in his shallow, unmarked grave behind a "Denny's" in Paducah. This issue was done in regular, ordinary, boring, txt because I'm lazy. þ Neat-O quotes `What would you do if I stabbed you?' - Unwise words of an unwise kid. `I haven't called gimp girl in five days. Pride.' - Baph the Romantic `Why didn't you tell me she looked like Jan Brady with a gland problem?!?' - NC, after his first experience with MaNDE `Lowfat Lemon Yogurt' - Item #4 `Why didn't you tell me she had syphillis?' - NC, after his first experience with Mandi `You know who you're like? Do you know who you're EXACTLY like?' - Big Mistake at "Arby's" ------------------------------------------------------------------- / News / --------------------------------------------------------------- An awful lot of k00l things have been happening here in LiMA. Most of these things are catastrophes that would destroy other T/FiLE groups, but the deep bond and aesthetic goals of all PuDidians does not falter against strife and public idiocy. The Following are a listing of events that have happened relatively recently. They will be elaborated on as needed. þ SQUINKY IN ATTICA WITH fReD Squinky was arrested twice in two days. Once, for accidentally using somebody else's calling card number instead of his own, and once for unintentially breaking in to an Internet account. To quote Squinky on the InterNet thing: `I thought I was playing Solitaire - I swear!' þ FUN WITH STEVE Due to discipline and behavior problems, Steve `Satan's Mutt' Brady has been kicked out of the UAH Computer Science building for what is expected to be all of eternity. To quote Baphomet on this experience: `I didn't mean for him to get kicked out... damn, that almost mean!' To quote Steve on this experience: `Maybe if I just talk shit everybody will think I'm right.' To quote the general public: `I don't like Steve.' To quote Dr. Davis on this experience: `I don't like Steve either.' þ WHERE'S CROWE? Crowe has not been heard from in an awfully long time. He has been presumed dead - He could not pay his phone bills so it is understood that he was probably systematically executed by a South Central Bell sniper. þ WHERE'S TBLT? The Brave Little Toaster was kidnapped by Pepsi hitmen when he discovered 36 hypodermic needles in a glass bottle of clear Pepsi. Later that day, Gravy found a can of Pepsi in a box of syringes he had bought. He has not been heard from since. þ WHERE'S NO COURiER? He's dead, you dolt. It has been rumoured that he is alive and well in some skanky, dismal, Tibetan prison with Elvis. This is not true for NC, but you never know about THE KiNG. þ MODEM ROOKIES LEARN NEW WORDS Here in Decatur, a couple of computer-ignorant modem newcomers have learned brand new words, and how to type them. In attempted flames where these BBS babies tried to redeem themselves of some quality, they used such words and typings as "D00D," "KeWL," and "LaMeR." þ NECROPIXIESTICK BASHES WHiNE-APSE WITH SUCCESS Our local Necro on a national level> successfully showed WHINE-APSE's ass when he let rip some rock-solid coding evidence of how weakly the 'Biohazard' demo was done. All WHiNE-APSE had room to whine about was the weak gfx routines Necro used for the expos‚. It is understood these bad routines were used because WHiNE-APSE has this remarkable ability to Cut n' Paste, and call it original. Believable. þ BAPHOMET BITTERLY DISGRUNTLED AFTER HUMILIATING SF2 DEFEAT Rumor has it that Baphomet was humiliated in several matches of Hyper Street Fighter II at the 6th Ave. Circle K in Decatur. An informant reported that while he continually used the character "Ryu" he was pulverized repeatedly by "Guile," "Ken," and "Major Bison." We under- stand that Baphomet is slowly recovering, tho, because he only used two of his quarters. To quote the store employee on the experience: `You can't do that! You have to buy it and then you get a free one!" To quote a person with an uncanny resemblance to NC: `SUUUUUUURE you can't!' =/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/ <--- PHRACK-ISH DIVIDER þ Other neat stuff. (1/2): CybersPUD Manefisto, d00d. Name: Merlin #25 @5285 Date: Fri Jul 09 22:18:12 1993 From: The Bamboo Gardens North (South/Central Texas) [512-836-8071] Cyberspud Manifesto merlin@unkaphaed.jpunix.com Cyberspud (sIburspuhd) n. One who intends to gain fortune and money at the expense of the Cyberpunk Non-Movement; the movement built around such ideas [ etymology: Cyber-, popular prefix in 90's; -spud, deficient person, coined by Devo] Ok, so you're bored by this entire "cyberpunk" thing too, huh? You can't stand all of the little academic squabbling that plagues the newsgroup, and the movement? You don't sound very cyberpunk to me, then. You sound pissed. You're probably so pissed at this point that you'd love to do something just to piss the rest of the people off. While you're at it, why don't you make something off of it? Cyberpunk is being picked up by mass media at an alarming rate, why not be one of those who will profit? When virtual reality is being used to sell bubblegum, and old TV shows are brought back with a Cyberprefix (1), things are already done with. Cyberspuds already are, we just didn't have a nifty name/label until now. The truth is that we don't really care about who makes which LP's with Gibsonian references, we don't care who rears their ugly head on the net. We just want all the hubbub to die down. Some of us are hackers, some are writers, some of us are just mean little snots like me who like to ruin the fun of others. We just don't care for self-righteous Cyberpinks (oops!). What makes a Cyberspud? Not a lot, just an overwhelming ability to detect the absurd and use it. Devo may be cyberpunk, but only "Weird" Al Yankovic is Cyberspud. (Dare to be stupid!) Actually, early Devo is quite cyberspud, they have that " Geeks Uber Buddies " that drives us all... Being cyberspud is the difference between wanting good VR technology so that you can "Punch Deck" in the net, and wanting good VR so you can have a blast with Virtual Vanessa, your Electro-erotic playmate. You will fight `the system' forever, or at least until you are making over $100,000 a year. You read _Mondo 2000_, but only because _Wired_ and _Boing_ don't show nipples. You are a hypocritical genius, understand? Now the truth, there is no point in a movement like this, and it is ultimately self-destructive. It'll be fun as hell, though. So if you're interested, please contact me at the address listed in the header, or at Merlin@unkaphaed.jpunix.com. One man alone cannot destroy Cyberpunk, I'll need help, even if it means sharing the profits. ----------------- þ More neat stuff A chat with NecroMatrix. Although this is pretty dated, it's still good enough to make this PuD large enough to throw up on Project/X. If it hasn't occurred to you idiots yet, I'm just dumping excerpts from logged BBS calls in to this issue, because I'm L-A-Z-Y. [06/14/93]þ[2:01 am]þ[01:08:45 Left] [Command]¯C Enter your very good reason for bugging me: :XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX GiFs *sigh* Okay, if you insist... ÄÄÄÄþÄÄÄÄ Suddenly a German customs agent appears and yells: yaH>>>>>>???????! HeY dU0D. I figured I would kall cuz baph said it was K-K00l. Of course Yhea... well... As you may of figured out, I'm the other freak that does those pud things... So how long have you been 11? Less than a year, dumbass. Ahh, math.... the realm of the small penis. Anyway,..,,.,.,,.,.,.,,,,..... wherez the latest 0-nanosecond release of the latest PuDDDddddddd tphilez? What's PuD? Pacifist Unionized Derigible fliers Hey, I like blimps. What'Bust dtonhe; yt wahighest m cfsdhjo;huad What the highest number you've got? Ummmmm duuuuh, I think it's likkkkee,, Ummmmmmmm 3_732987_ hypertext version of course, for that BrylCreem sheen. Yhea, well I was working on 3/12 today... earlier... how did you get 3/7? Actually I think I only have up to 3_4 or so.. Hell you hafta look for yourself. PhreakzoiDEDDET uploads them and I read them, print them, post them on telephone poles, and supply them for use in public restrooms. 0K,. Du0D... Well, PuD 3/6 was never completed... I sort of died while it was still in the works. The story is I was trashin' at south central bnell , and I was mutilated by a silent-helicopter pilot before I spontanenously combusted and burned all evidence of PuD 3/6 due to a disk of H0T lemmingz warez. Well that could very well be. You should make it into a TV Miniseries starring Martin Short as the brave detective, and Bo Derek as his slutty partner who hates him at first but ends up fucking him anyway near the middle of the movie. oook. I never learned to speak much Neanderthal... In fact, all I know is "grok", byuhhg, and "uuuuuGN!" Well, you must not be familiar with Oooga, Inc. Well I *do* know that Oooga is not Booga. No, it's not. ... and Mooga is not Roast. Well that's what I thought, but those tentacles, ya know. That was before the days of those horses. Oh, those kooky horses. How they really make life a drag, duod. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... How long have you been 11? Ever since I was a puppy Really? Have you ever wrapped yourself in Newspaper and pretended you were a tunafish sandwich? No I usually pretended to be The Secret (or Secrete) Sauce Baphomet says your sister is *really* fine. True? Hmm.. Revealing comment, as she is about....ummm 38 I think I *THOUGHT* she was nine.... how long has she been 38? Well lemme think about that one.... I think she started being nine way back even before she became 11. For the second time, that is. Born again? Recycled Good. It's fashionable to be environmental. So, did you accept David as your personal savior before it was too late? Well actually, no. I was pissed off at him because I couldn't get him to buy any life insurance from me. It was a real good deal, too. Well, it probably turned out for the better... Time for a reall k00l PuD joke: WACO: W.e A.re C.ooking O.ut Yeah, about 89.9% of those originated in the BBS world, such as it is, around here,.... the best one (so I think) is We All Cremated Ourselves/ Ok... Well, for the most part they all SUCK. Whoops.... I hate to let you in on such a secret... maybe that's why I mentioned it in the first place.....m I like such k00l jokes.. They make great taglines. And, with the aid of Hamburger Helper, it can help her help her hamburger help her make a great meal. Poo poo pee doop. And in italian? And German, too... Von Dem Friesen! they like rubber, too. Shrink tubing with a hairdryer. Put den icin on den toppin. They just need a Japanese Hamb Help. In fact, there should be a rash of disease associated with just one certain flavor of Hambooger Leper. Don't ask me what, though. Hmm... I wouldn't pick up on that... no way... So what are you doing, staring at your computer this late? Is it that cool to wait for somebody to log on? Just like VBBS....... No, actually I was waiting for some really important NeTMaIL from some Eleeet duo0odzzzez somewhere in a place that is so elite that they haven't even named the city yet, not to mention flippen that little tweezer thing that they enjoy so much. Ahh, the Young Generation. Netmail. Oh, what fun. So elite, it comes in the mail with no return address, on a 360k floppy. Encrypted with PGP, the secret decoder ring found in specially marked boxes of Sooper Frooty Lumps o' Cheez. Part of this complete breakfast. Probably. I know of some people who think they are indeed that elite... pretty sad, really. It's sort of funny to see somebody so hung up on such a farce... and that's the best way to describe the whole thing: farce. May the Farce be with you. Use the Farce Look?! The Farce is strong with this one. Yes, Sara Tucker's K00l Whip recipies... PGP Public Key block blah blah blah Do you know if the government is going to kill the writer of PGP or anything? That, of course, is exxagerration, but I have heard lot's of neeee@@@t little rumours about it. Well if you read that sooper hacker mag called FRAK, oops thats PHRACKSKKCKKK then PGP and RSA encryption has a biiiiiig spotlite... which means that they couldn;t think of anything else to write about... anyway #42 has some neeeet things in it about that... they also give Phill Zimmerman;s publik Kee so that you can decrypt his tombstone Phil Zimmerman? The Zimmerman Telegram? Thatfdlkgdf I'm lost here... I'm not @LiT3. "PHIL'S" Pretty Good Privacee. The kool dewdical kinda guy who wrote The Program That Ate The Universe. Sorry.... I thought his name was fReD. Hey, that's PHRED to you, buddy. No, nononononononoon. fReD tHe HiTMaN. We all live in fear of him. Is that sort of like Big Barney or whoever from those ridiculous BLaH files that go on forever and ever and never actually say anything? No. fReD's legacy has been detailed extremely in PuD... He's a K-KiLLuR hakker. Too many cigarettes? Who me? No the hakker. Hakk hakk koff koff I was hoping you weren't referring to that. I was deeply, deeply, hoping that perhaps, maybe... just maybe you had something better to say . :)))::::::::))))))))))::::))::0) : :-0 <-- is that a black guy or something? ù:) Carmen Miranda's hat? ù) Cyclops, d000d. Hi BiT iz K00l. Yeah you should make a hi-bit translation keyfile for your kewl term program, whatever it may be. SaDComm? Well if you say so. I thought that perhaps you had heard of that, but I forget that only I and Chris know what PuD does and the rest of the world just plain sucks. Well actually, "WE", being the Sacred Brotherhood of the Other, tend to hold the napkin all wrong and you know what that can do to a guy who's wearing a parka. Yep. Yhea, whatever. I'm not goint to try and play that onbe off... what the hell are you talking aBBOUT i DON'T KNOW IF MY cAPSlOCK KEY IS ON. Well see if that little light up there is on... if it is, that means that your pacemaker has stopped. I don't have a pacemaker. Well you LaMER! Get off my board then you lousy 200 bps lamer.... go call prodooky. I'm only elleven, dood. I don't have a heart problem... but I'm TRYING! Well I have the heart of a small lad myself. And a nun, too. Really? I have a pet chicken. So what? Is it a Chia pet? No. It's an honest-to-gookyshaloooqua flesh-n-blood chicken that I bought at a flea market for a dollar, when I was there to buy some hubcaps. Hmm, chickens at a flea market. Talk about a mix up in the demographics report. Oh well. Ya win some, and ya cheat on the rest. Then you become a baseball card collector. Stamps. Stamps. Stamps. Or ViRuII. ViRUiI. VrRIieI VIruSeSSSS One two button my lip then. Wowee. So, where is the nearest VBBS board? Geez try as I might, I can't seem to find one. I was going to run the latest version. But no one has it. I'm not eleittees enough to have it. You can write your own VBBS in under 5 minutes, if you have a copy of QuickBasic. Ahh, but see that takes too much time. I was hoping I could get a fossil driver and maybe a few external protocols, and run it all from a big batch file/ That would be really nifty. Did by chance Chris tell you about his plan to make a BBS with a 4Dos BTM file? ] Nope, but then again, last time I talked to him he was busy masturbating with delight over his new installation of DV/X He still is. Stamina. Not to mention callouses, or a lot of Jergen's Lotion Yhea, but if you want him to shut up REAL quick, just mention OS/2 - FDISK. Hmm. He SeD that OS/too ate his computer. ANd then had his father for dessert Not his father - I think his father is still pimping in Las Vegas. Was it maybe his cat? They are easily confused, especially the way he looks nowadays... , no job, no money, no gas, no home, just DV/X and a can of Beanie Weenies. Well, the chicks all dig the PuD philez. They writhe in excstacy when they read about the trials and tribulations of whaling and shoe polish. But that has Virtually and Visually nothing to do with PuD. They just like it. Oh really? The chicks dig it - K00l. Actually, Chris and I have no idea how well it actually is doing... we talked to some guy in RI who was talking about how he got them from some big place in NH./.. some place I've never heard of... Good thing I'm dead now - I don't have a thing to do with it. Well see, your DiST SiTES are all messy becuz you don't have 3-meg VGA loaders to intro your 10k files. You have to have those things, not to mention a krad ASCII drawing that serves as a FILE_ID.DIZ file, and you have to maike an INDEX TO PuD file. Then you have to make some neat [PuD] sigs to go after your name wherever you write it anywhere... Oh. [PuD]. I guess I'm just an amteur elitist. Oh well. I forgot what I was going to say. Yhea. Well, Hmmmmmmmmm maybe you were going to tell me the latest Tale From The VBBSNET Crypt about the virus that blows up monitors, especially designed to determine which monitors have had a trace of VBBS running on it at one point in history (or HERstory) or another. And then it electrocutes the user. All in under 4 bytes. No, nonononononoono... You're thinking of the WWIVNet 'Ghost in the Machine' sub, where hard drives spin backwards and ansi bombs blow up the post office. I was thinking of the fact that we are working on making an InterNet news group for pud... alt.pud or something, but that would be too k_RaD. Then hakkers would have A Time trying to get the latest PuD secret nooz that only highly paid nuclear fusion engineers have access to. I thought that that ansi bomb, rather than blowing up the post office, contained subliminal messages and made the monitor modify its electromagnetic field so that it persuaded postal workers to shoot everyone. Those are the ansibombs by Cpt. Kirk. ' Well how can I get that duod to call my board and boost my status to supoers Elite, the master of the 817 area code, which is of course well known for it's elite corps (or corpse) of very famous Underground Type Individuals. So elite and underground that nobody knows who these famous people are. Right, and if anyone ever found out, they would use their mutant hacker skills (given to them when they were accidentally bitten by a radioactive computer science teacher) to delete everything within 300000 miles of you, including the paisley print from your boxer shorts. I like my paisley boxers, thank you. I won't mention them for fear of my favorite bloomers being bloomed. Ahh, yes.... I do prefer them at the seedling stage, where they are just about to bloom, but enough of the hard shell around the bloom is still there so that you get that rough, rugged manly Dirty Hairy (and I DO mean Dirty Hairy) James Bond type feeling ... AND, the hard shells are crunchy. But chewie in the middle. Well, I hate to do this. But My armpits reek, and I have to let my dawg in. She is barking at the black neighbors and they are threatening to call their Korean friends from the East Side, and you know what that means... hot dogs for all. That's nice, phun bigotry you display there. Tasty. Yeah well I'm a real Man who drives a Ford and spits that brown stuff called Ummm CopenGagen or whatever. Anywa y I CopenHaagen Daz Ahhhm, ahhhm ahhhm ahhhm (meditative momenty) I'll do you a big favor and let you go use your little useless excuse and let the dog in before it is flambeed or sauteed or whatever. They would probably Frappeeee. Anyway anyway anyway, bye from the Sacred Brotherhood to Give Money to Senators So They Will Ban The Word Anyway. Ok, du0d. Leech all my files. I will one day, but not 2nite cuz I'm laMe. Yah, you are probably just saying that.... you have only 39 gigs left on your drive and are beginning to feel impotent without lots of free space available. That's right, plus, I haven't figured out how to use XModem yet. Well, try XModem-CRC. It's much better. Howe about Relaxed XModem? I like to take my time. Yeah me too. Well call again some day and tell chris to stop clicking the damn mouse on that stupid Icon just so he can be amazed at the "About DV/X" screen Yhea, it is sort of scary... I witness this stuff first-hand. Well in a way, that's better than second-hand. That can be *really* rough. Sloppy seconds. L8r, Du0D. Kewl 4Ever.... death to videodrome, long live the New Flesh. Bye. ------------------------------------- þ Even more neat Stuff. (1/2): A Submition To P.U.D. Name: Vinnie #71 @8143 Date: Wed Jul 14 21:43:41 1993 From: California Beach House (Utah) [801-771-9422] My Philosophy By Vinnie Sometimes I see lights in the sky that nobody else sees. Those lights just sit there and twinkle, And sometimes they talk to me. That's when I get to go away for a little while. Vinnie --------------------------------- þ WILL THIS NEAT STUFF EVER CEASE?!?! (1/1): FlOOdIng. Name: A K 4 7 #70 @2352 Date: Mon Jun 21 15:48:45 1993 RE: I haven't been a teen in a while... BY: Dewer #213 @2506 I was wondering if I could ask you some things: 1. How old are you? 2. Do you have a boyfriend? 3. Describe yourself. 4. Tell me your measurements. Please answer all of these, as you are peaking my interests. ---------------------------- þ YES! IT WILL! Well, that about wraps it up for this PuD. continue, please! Read the ever-expanding DiST SiTE LiST and dU0Dz2MAiL LiST! Places where you, the ordinary lamer, can get PuD: Hi-Bit H0 DoWN 2400 0NLY (416)685-9517 Sysop: ZeR0 THe HeR0 Note: HIGHLY SELECTIVE! NO LAMERS ALOUD! NEW PuD WHQ!!!!!! Project-X 300-14.4k (205)882-0894 Sysop: Digital Saint Note: Fully Public, if you can keep up. Caustic Contagion 300-14.4k (817)776-9564 Sysop: Uncle Hungry Note: LAMERZ ONLY! Cybernetic Violence 2400-14.4k (514)426-9194 Sysop: Some Old Fart Note: The Public {NUKE} board. -WRONG BRACKETS! CAPITAL U! OH NO! Obloid Sphere 300-14.4k (758)965-3098 Sysop: James Note: Don't know what those Holier-than-thou BLaH idiots are up to now. This may not be the place to look anymore. JoE's BaR n GrIll 2400-14.4k (914)658-3748 Sysop: fReD Note: WaReZ dU0Dz 0NLy! -------------------------- People mentioned in this issue and where to reach them: Hymie 86@2506 or [mpruitt@uahcs2.cs.du.edu] Squinky 247@2506 [Or you can reach him via his brand new CELL in the county jail]. Crowe 240@2506 [He says that snails scream.] Baphomet the Limbo King 14@2506 or [crfisher@nyx.cs.du.edu] NO COURiER 36@2506 [He's DEAD, y'know.] ------------------ Others: Merlin #25@5285 wwiv - merlin@unkaphaed.jpunix.com Vinnie #71@8143 wwiv Digital Saint #1@2506 Uncle Hungry BBS: 817-776-9564 Satan's Mutt VMB: 205-880-9566 Intruder VMB: 205-880-9566 Steve Brady VMB: 205-880-9566