ÚÚÚÚ Ú Ú ÚÚÚ ÛßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßÛ Ú Ú Ú Ú Ú Ú Û Issue Number 11, Volume 1, Chapter 1, Epic 1 Û ÚÚÚÚ Ú Ú Ú Ú Û Released on the date: Feb. 23, 1993. Û Ú Ú Ú Ú Ú Û PUD serving the modem public since Febuary 22, 1993! Û Ú ÚÚÚÚ ÚÚÚ Û For help and actual info, look elsewhere. Û ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÛÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÛ ÛÛ²²±±°° °°±²±±°° °±²±°° °°±° °°±²²±±° °±°° °°±±²Û²²Û Û²²±±°° °±±°° °±±° °° °±²±° °° °°±±²±Û Û±±°°° °° °°° °±° ° °±±±Û Û±°° ° ° ° °±°Û Û±° °°Û Û°° "Squeeze my lemon till the juice runs down my leg..." ° Û Û° -Led Zepplin Û Û° Û Û Û Û Û Û þ Mail Û Û Û Û Fuck it. I am sick of including this section, besides there is Û Û no mail yet. Woopidty. Û Û Û Û þ The Anatomy of a Krystal. Û Û Û Û The krystal is by far the strangest life form on this planet. Û Û Known to most people, the krystal, called sliders in the wild, are Û Û the most ferocious and vile mammals to roam the sewers of Beverly Û Û Hills (90210). They are also quite common in the heights section Û Û of melrose place and by 1996 they are expected to graduate into Û Û the most dominant species in all of lower Florida. Û Û Û Û Cut-Away of a Krystal Cut-Away of a Slider Û Û Û Û bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN Û Û bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb Û Û ooooooooooooooooo -ONION mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm -CANDY SHELL Û Û mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm -CANDY SHELL MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM -BRAINS Û Û MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM -BRAINS oooooooooooooooooo -ONION Û Û bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb Û Û bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN Û Û Û Û Note the extreme genetic differences in the two species. The Û Û more docile Krystal has the chewy chocalety candy shell on top of Û Û it's brains. Where as the much more aggresive Slider has the chewy Û Û chocalety shell on top of it's brains. Notice, by the extreme Û Û detail of the cut-away's the differences in the sex organs in the Û Û two species. See how much more enlarged the ovaries of the Slider Û Û are than that of the Krystal. Legend has it that on the third Û Û saturday of every month Sliders for some unknown reason take to Û Û commiting mass genocide by rudely casting themselves at country Û Û tour buses full of fat women. Note that this is strangly like that Û Û H0T nEw WaReZ in huntsvegas, Pc Lemmings. Û Û Û Û þ How to steal a toaster. Û Û Û Û By: The BRaVE LItTlE TOaStER Û Û Û Û Theft of toasters can be a very worth while and profitable Û Û occupation. But be forewarned toaster theft is extremely Û Û dangerous, what with large of rash of mysterious taster thief Û Û slayings. These slayings are rumored to be by a one fReD tHe Û Û tOaStEr iS mInE SmItH. He is currently on the SPA top ten hit Û Û list and is wanted for questioning in 62 states. Anyway I digress Û Û let me get back to the TFiLE. To begin with you must make sure Û Û have a valid and great plan. The planning stage is by far the most Û Û important part of the whole process. Û Û Part 1, the plan. Making you plan is the key to your toaster Û Û thievary success. Make sure you have a place to steal a toaster Û Û from. Next make sure you have a get-away vehicle, a 747 would be Û Û suitable. Last make sure you have plent of weapons, machine guns Û Û are not suitable for toaster thievary, but various anti-aircraft Û Û weapons will be. Û Û Part 2, the Execution. Now here is where you kill all your Û Û accomplises. Û Û Part 3, Stealing the Toaster. To steal the toaster simply walk Û Û in, carefully concealing your anti-aircraft weaponry under your Û Û arm. If anyone notices, kill them instantly, but quitely. The key Û Û to stealing a good toaster is avoiding ones with flowerdy prints, Û Û as they are usually cheap and just don't cook your toast right. Û Û Hide the toaster in the crotch of your pants and walk out the Û Û store. Û Û Part 4, The get away. The second you leave the store you must Û Û quickly turn and destroy it, cover your tracks! Next take any Û Û suitable vehicle in the parking lot and head for your plane. Be Û Û sure to destroy all oncoming traffic as you near the airport, no Û Û use in leaving any witnesses alive. When at the airport pick 3 or Û Û 4 attractive stewardesses and maim them seriously. Why? Just for Û Û fun of it. Now board your plane and fly away. The end. Û Û Look for more articles on toaster professions from me, soon. Û Û Û Û þ Closing. Û Û Û Û Did I mention, you still fucking suck. Û Û Û Û þ Mail! Û Û Û Û Keep your sorry-attempts at mail coming! Û Û Baphomet the Limbo King WWIVNET 2506@14 Û Û NO COURiER WWIVNET 2506@36 Û Û Û Û° °Û Û° ° ° ° °±Û Û±° °° °° ° °° °±²Û Û±±° °±±°° °±°° °° °±±° °°±²²Û Û²±±°° °±²±°°° °±²±±°° °°±° °±²±±° °°±²²ÛÛÛ ÛßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßÛ Û End of PUD 1:11, "...and shake it all about..." Û ÛÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÛ