%%% %%% %%%% %%% %% %%%%% %%%% %%%% %% %%%% %% %% %% %% %%% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% % %% %% %% %%%% %% %% %% %% %%%% %% %%% %%%%% // // //// ////// ////// // \\ \ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ // /// // //////// ////// ////// // \\\\ \\\\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ /// /// // // // // // // [ Mind Warp - Volume #0, Issue #6, File #006 ] [ "Music Review: #2" by Mustaine ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ MuSTaiNe's MuSiC ReVieW #2 [Mustaine/INFLUENZA] Guess what folks??? It's already time for another fine music review by yours truly. Raven apparently didn't mind my last cutting commentary on some pretty crappy bands, so in this review I promise to bust on more sucky bands. Woo! At any rate, following my usual brief and meaningless commen- tary is my music scale, which I base on my own personal (and perfect) standards. Got a problem with it? Too bad. Cause if you hate it, then you suck. Everyone knows I am always right. Enjoy. MuSTaiNe's MuSiC SCaLe (*ReViSeD oN 06/18/94*) -3000) MuST Be BY PaNTeRa.... -5) aNYTHiNG BY VaNiLLa iCe... 0) SuCKS!!! ооо Get the picture? ооо 1) BiTeS!!! 2) eWW!!! 3) CRaP!!! 4) BLaH, BLaH... 5) NoT HaLF BaD, BuT CRaP.. 6) GeTTiN' THeRe!!! 7) KeWL..SoRTa 8) Yo! I CaN DiG THiS SH*T. 9) Woo! PLaY SoMe MoRe... 10) F*CKiNG iNCReDiBLe!!! BaND #1 : Name : PaNTeRa Members : Philip Anselmo (VoCaLS) Dimebag Darell (GuiTaRS) Vinne Paul (DRuMS) ReX (BaSS) Album : FaR BeYoND DRiVeN Info. : Before I comment on this crappy little album, let me take a moment to explain just how much this band sucks. And they DO suck. First off, the vocalist, Mr.Scream-at-the-top-of-his-lungs-couldn't-sing- if-he-tried-cockroach-lookin'-no-hair-havin'-moron-with-tattoo's- just-so-he-can-figure-out-which-arm-is-left-and-which-arm-is-right sucks. I mean he really sucks. He must have a really small dick too. Has anyone ever read the lyrics? They're all about sex, and why the lead singer never gets any because of his ugly ass looks. Then the next few songs are about his pussy-ass attempts at revenge on the bitch that wouldn't suck his dick. Then he tries to sing about how he could kick everyone's ass. Please Mr. Anselmo, you suck. You look stupid, you sing bad, and your fans are those escaped convicts from the hick-homes in Omaha. Get a fucking life. Next we have the drummer. This guy has had WAY too many Twinkies. He has so many chins you can't tell where is face ends and where his whale sized stomach begins. And he sucks for a drummer too. He just bangs real hard in a beat that any four year old could do. These people have NO talent. They can't sing. They can't play music. Probably the ONLY reason they are popular is because Ricky Rackman(or however the hell you spell his name) said he liked them on MTV one night which is at 1 in the morning when most people are stoned and/or tripping off their asses. At any rate, I should tell you about the album. There is ONE good song on this album. And Pantera didn't write it. They STOLE it from Black Sabbath...who isn't even that hot. It's called Planet Caravan and it's a small ballad. Other than that, this CD makes a really good....frisbee? So by my scale, this band gets a negative .....3000? BaND #2 : LeTS BuST on PaNTeRa some more... Name : Gee dipwad...I wonder. Album : VuLGaR DiSPLaY oF PoWeR Members : Philip Anselmo (VoCaLS) Dimebag Darell (GuiTaRS) Vinne Paul (DRuMS) ReX (BaSS) Info. : This one had a decent song on it. It was called Hollow and was about drug abuse and how bad it is. Maybe the lead singer was sober for a minute or something...I dunno. Other than that, the singing still....SUCKED. The playing still....SUCKED. The obvious insecurity about a small dick from the lyrics of the lead singer....STILL WAS THERE. In other words, this one still is a good canidate for a frisbee. My rating? -3000. Well that's it for this review. I obviously lied last time when I said I'd do three to four bands in this issue. Deal with it. Although most of you probably agree...their's only so much Pantera that one should bother writing about. SO until next time, I think you have an idea of what two albums NOT to buy. I think I'll talk about 12 Guage in the next review. Until then, keep your fingers out of your nose, and use a condom. Hell, I do. MuSTaiNe / iNFLueNZa iNC. ============================================================================== Call Arsonist's Arsenal BBS the Mind Warp WHQ - (301) 208-0847 ==============================================================================