같갚 같갚 갚 같같같같같같같같같� 같� 갚 같� 같같같같같같같같같같같� 같� 같갚 같갚 같같같같� 같같� 같같같같� 갚 같� 같갚 같갚 같같같같� 같같� 같같같같� 같갚 같� 같갚 같갚 같같같같� 같같같� 같같같같� 갚 같� 같같같같� [MiLK] 같같같같� 같같같� 같같같같� 같� 같같같� BIG Issue 2 같같같같� 같같같� 같같같같� 같� 같같갚 같같같같� 같같같같� 같같같같� 갚 갚 같같같� 같같같같� 같같같� 같같같같� 같갚 같같같갚 같같같같� 같같같� 같같같� 같갚 같같같갚 같갚 같갚 같� 같� 같갚 같갚 같갚 같갚 같갚 같갚 갚 갚 같� - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � Table of Junk "Why The World is Full of Shit"............................Yohan Bawk "The Lovers"...............................................Whoops "2^5 fun things to do to parapros".........................Yohan Bawk "Thoughts, Memories, Questions Swallow The Freak Empty mother Power Trip"...............................................Psychotic Ambition "An Interview With A Satanist"............................James Hetfield "Bobbitized"..............................................Whoops "Man-Dyslexic of Adventures The"..........................Yohan Bawk "Nyarlathotep Steals Old, Really Bad Joke"................Nyarlathotep Untitled Work.............................................James Hetfield - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � Why the World is Full of Shit ----------------------------- War, famine, pestilence, death, plague, murder, MTV, suffering, conflict, emotional wreckage, lampreys--there are just so many damned shitty problems in the world today. Just why does the world have all this shit we have to deal with? The other day, two Jehovah's Witnesses stopped by my house to explain this to me ("Hello, my name is Jurgin (YER'gin) and this is Greg (GREG) and we'd like to ask you if you've ever given any thought to why the world is like it is"). They gave me a pamphlet called, "Who Really Rules the World?" I read the thing (it was three pages, and had neat-O pictures), and whoa, I thought, these guys should write for [MiLK], I mean this stuff was hilarious! But I digress. Anyway, the world is full of shit because of one reason, and only one reason. No, not Ivy League football; the cause of all our problems today is easily explainable. All people are blind. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ [The THESIS of this paper!!] Why do I make this assertion? Obviously. War. Where does war come from? It comes when people read James Hetfield's Guide on "How to Take Over Your Government" and take over their governments, and decide they want to play politics themSELVES. Aha, but they obviously failed to see that there are people already there playing politics all over the place! Fighting ensues, and war starts. And it was all because the original fool was too blind to see what would happen. Famine? Famine is caused by bad soil, but why does soil become bad? Soil becomes bad because people cannot see their soil evaporating out of the land when they overuse it. Blindness again! Pestilence, death, and plague all occur because people do not have good enough eyesight to see germs. Obviously, if people could see germs, they would avoid them, and nobody would get sick. If nobody got sick, nobody would have pestilence, death, or plague. Vol죂! If people were not blind, clearly we would not have disease! Murder. Murder is caused by shitheads. MTV. MTV is caused because people are too blind to realize that people who shake their vertebrata back and forth hard enough to break them, all the while strumming an electrified banjo and wearing fishnet stockings, are NOT cool. Suffering, conflict, and emotional wreckage are all caused because people are too blind to see consequences. For instance, your average Joe would step up to a lamprey, say, "shit, cool, I don't know what this thing is, it's fucking ugly, cool, shit," and they'd probably kick it or prod at it, just for fun. THEN they get this big primitive fish sucking out their guts, and boy, weren't they blind? Lampreys. Lampreys are caused by Nyarlathotep, who is actually the LAMPREY KING OF THE WORLD masquerading under the pretense of being a great lamprey hunter. One day, people will not be blinded to his true identity any longer, and then the lamprey problem will be solved!! ------------------------------ ... Biff Thelmus Bonglemeister III o.o <--Kid from "The Far Side" ------------------------------ ( - ) (Greetz to MoonChild+BeLIEve, Speedo, Flynn, Fallic, and "X" Anti-Greetz to Nick) - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � The Lovers They were in love. Anyone could tell. The way they looked in each other's eyes, the way they stroked each other's hair...it was obvious. Each adored every inch of the other. There were no secrets, no awkward moments, nothing even slightly uncomfortable between these two. Nothing could keep them apart. When they had known each other as children, they had been unseparable. As they grew older, this friendship blossomed into a romance and their feelings toward each other strengthened even more. At the age of 20, they eloped and got married. When they told their parents, they were abandoned and thrown out of every aspect of their families' lifestyles, but it didn't matter to them. They had each other, so they had it all. They were the match made in heaven. They had the same likes and dislikes, the same tastes and--in this day and age--the same hairdo. They were two links in a chain, with their love linking them together, inseparably. Two pieces of a puzzle whose match could only be found in each other. One was the picture, the other the picture frame. Wild horses couldn't tear them apart; somehow they'd find a way to get back together again. Richard loved Bryan, and Bryan loved Richard. They were one. - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � 2^5 Fun Things To Do To Parapros ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Parapros are such assholes, they need their own section in jail so they don't ANNOY the fuck out of the other inmates. Numbers (1), (2), (4), (8), and other powers of two are the ones you can easily do and are quite effective, the other ones are equally effective but some of them are harder to arrange. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Walk up to them and shout "yaba daba doo" in their ears* 2. Walk past them, and when they ask for a pass, fart in their FACE 3. Trip over their desk while carrying a big pot of planting soil 4. "I bet YOU never studied when YOU were in high school!" 5. Bring friends, gather a huge crowd of people in a giant semicircle around the hapless parapro. Jeer loudly and point and laugh. 6. Pretend to stare at a nonexistent goiter on their neck. 7. When a Biology teacher comes by, point to the parapro and say, "look, a perfect example of a fungal growth!" 8. Take away their crossword puzzle and FINISH IT YOURSELF! 9. Offer to read their book to them out loud. 10. Tell them the teachers are making more money than they are. 11. Tell them the JANITORS are making more money than they are. 12. Wrap up a can of Spam and give it to them for Christmas. When they open it up, laugh loudly, and say, "ha, ha, ha! Look, it's Spam!" Walk away so nobody knows you gave it to them. 13. Throw lampreys at them and WATCH THEM WRITHE IN AGONY 14. If they have hair, put some potent developing fluid in it (from the photography lab of course) and LIGHT IT ON FIRE!! 15. If they are bald, use their head as a parabolic reflector, and mark the focus with a permanent marker! 16. Start a strip tease in the hallway in front of their seat, and when they ask you what you are doing, say "whatever turns you on, big boy" ("big momma" for female parapros). 17. Take your Walkman out, and when they ask you to put it away, pretend you can't hear them because the volume is too loud. Conveniently sway your head so they can't touch your earphones. 18. Take your Watchman out, and when they ask you to put it away, turn to Channel 38 and make them watch TAMMY FAE BAKER!! 19. Take your Game Boy out, and when they ask you to put it away, tell them it's your English homework. Tell them to ask your English teacher, and, when they leave, put the Game Boy away so everyone will think they're crazy. 20. Sprawl out on the ground, and when they tell you to get up, fake an epileptic seizure. 21. Sprawl out on the ground, and when they tell you to get up, point out that they are more of a fire hazard than you are. At least YOU get up and move after a while. 22. Get lots of friends and stand around them so they can't see out.** 23. Give them a birthday cake when it's not their birthday. 24. Juggle in the hallway and walk by, pretending that you are too concentrating on the balls to see them. 25. Bring a big bat, and say "do you know what this is? This is a big baseball bat." Hit them on the head. 26. Tell a parapro, "come quick! A fight in the hallway!" Take the parapro with you when they are running behind you, turn around and SLUG THEM A GOOD ONE! Tell them, "don't say I didn't warn you!" 27. Walk up, do a Russian Cossack dance, and walk away. Don't say a word. 28. Take out a watergun, squirt yourself, and put the watergun in the parapro's hand! Scream loudly, and sob "look what you did to me!" 29. Ask to go to the bathroom, come back, and ask to go to the bathroom again. When they finally refuse, whip it out and PISS ON THEIR LAP! 30. Set up a big traffic light right next to the parapro's seat. 31. With a friend, juggle three bowling balls (two if you're not very experienced) over the parapro's head. When they tell you to stop, tell them to cite where the FUCK in the rulebook it says you can't juggle bowling balls over a parapro's head!! 32. Eat bubble gum, and stick it on their forehead! --[eNDNoTeS]----------------------------------------------------------- * This plan may not work at the first try. What you must do is keep consistency. For example: PARAPRO: Hey, this hall is closed. KID: (walking up) Yaba daba doo! PARAPRO: Hey kid, do you hear me? This HALL IS CLOSED! KID: (breezing past) Yaba daba doo! PARAPRO: Hey! Hey, show me your ID! Hey, kid! KID: (walking away) Yaba daba doo! PARAPRO: (getting up) Hey! Hey, come back here, kid! KID: (entering bathroom of opposite sex) Yaba daba doo! ** They can't yell at you for this one! You're not doing anything wrong at all, you're just standing in the hallway! Make sure you have enough friends to completely block their view. Keep a 0.5' radius for safety, parapros have killer Garlic Breath. - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � Thoughts, Memories, And Questions --------------------------------- Somewhere over the rainbow Even if it's black and Blue I get this glimpse of thought Is it something I should do? Is it right or wrong What do I know? Don't even know why I'm thinking this When it is as clear as the sky The waves come crashing No way to get out of the way What to do, what to say? Why can't it just be out of the way? The faces of truth are always ugly But the face of deception are always beautiful Which face do I have? Which mask do i wear? I want to get rid of these plates of sorrow No place to put them Want to find happiness No place to drown myself in This memory game I play Always turn on top How could it not? The way things are The way things were One big melting pot with no one to eat it The taste is sower The taste is bitter I would eat it The blinding light of fate blinking in my face Trying to turn my head from reality Need sunglasses to shield my mind This life This waste This nothingness Will all end in time. Swallow The Freak ----------------- I can smell you from here Your intent is quite clear What you want is my fear It's sad really You're a victim of your own ignorance Go ahead, feed off of me Your hungar is that of humanity And I don't want any part of it My feelings are nothing to you You don't care I am to be digested and then casted aside Have you no mercy? Why must you do this to me? I am different than you that is true But is that reason to torture me? Empty ----- Get away Discover yourself Reach out Whip yourself Look at me See the mask Look at you Find the task Make a choice Feel the burn Exorcise your right Vertical hoist Drown me In your eyes My love What do you see? Your love Flowing through me Not quite there To catch your seed I am empty No use to stay To flimsy To watch the play mother ------ You walk into my life As if you are a part of it You abuse and mistreat me And expect me to love you I lock myself within And keep you away I hate you more than anything With words I can't quite say I'm burning with hatred You always feed the flame I've always wanted To forget your name You won't go away You're having to much fun What can i say? When will you be done? Maybe someday you'll realize That you pushed me way to far By the time you see that That I'm a massive scar You won't know until I'm gone And then it will hit you What you did to me Lost your only son Power Trip -------------- Decay the stay Just get away Distort the face Just spread the waste Whip the weak Taste is sweet Open your eyes They'll show you the way Soon you will realize You can't get away Now you're trapped Didn't see it coming You'll never forget What kept you going To blind to see To stupid to know How high the fee As innocent as snow Only one way out And that is in Find the thought To help you win - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � An Interview with a Satanist I took this opportunity to show the world the view of a satanist... Now this Capture file here isn't for people to agree nor jeer Satanism... it's just an informative guide to one Satanist's form of Religion. Please read at your own risk, satanism captures have been shown to cause blasphemy in laboratory animals. #01 real.. .... weird... oh well. So you're a satanist? #00 yeah.. its a lot different than most people think.. #01 I bet. So you worship the Anti-Christ? #00 NO!!! htere is absically no such thing as 'worshipping' in satanism.. maybe if we did worship somehting, it would be ourselves most likly #01 then you're not a Satanist, because you do not believe in Satan. #00 yeah i am.. its a thing in the satnic bible.. we see satan as the force of nature that is our dark sides, but there is also the thing that worshipping somehting and putting yorself on your knees is degrading, we try to put ourself in league with satan #01 I see. So you do not believe in any higher powers? #00 not really.. i dont believe there is a sucj thing as 'god' its a myth #01 I see. Hmm. I have a lot of Pagan friends. do you consider yourself a pagan religion? #00 satanism has its roots in paganism, since it is a really old religion, its around as old as paganism .. in concept at times.. #01 I see. Hmm. I with I had my friend Connie here, he'd be real interested in all this... actually, no, he's be yelling at you how wrong your beliefs are :) #00 heh.. x-an love at its best.. i remember stuff like that.. but i squashed those kinda guys quick.. logic always overcomes blind faith B)~ #01 Hmm... you seem to be drooling there... anyway... Let's See... so you think Satanism has to do with Blind Faith? err... I mean Satanism has to do with Logic? #00 yeah, thats how it seems to me.. everything has to do with logic.. since we can exoplain why about everything, and it is logical, not like x-ianity, where the stock anser for everything is "jesus told me to" #01 Christianity has a lot to do with faith, probably too much. So Satanism has answers to our reason of existence? and how we got here in the first place? #00 is to say that the individual has a reason to be here, if it were true, why do we have homeless? what purpose do they serve? and as to how we got here, well, thats science's job to find our.. satanism is concerned with the person, not the universe.. so to say #01 How 90's and 80's.... The Individual, not the group. So do you believe in Magic? #00 yeah.. since he way enochian magic system (what satansm is based on) is basically mind control.. theres is a saying that is very true that todays science will become tomorrows future .. which is very true when you look at it.. oh, and about the individual over the group, well, who do you give a shit about more? you, or everyone? #01 Since I am a kid of the 80's, I'd say myself. So do you have Magic Proficentcy? #00 hehe, htats a ad&d term.. you just have to know what to do, and how. .and be in the right mind set, since you have to be able to unleash a ton of the right emotion #01 Oh, so it's like a soap opera? ...do you need external things to make magic, or is it all mind control? #00 its a hard thing to go into, the easiest thing would be to read the spell section of the satanic bible, and the sattanic rituals.. b asically all the external things (swords, music, etc) is to help you focus your mind #01 Cool. How does a sword help you focus your mind? #00 is part or the ritual and ceremony.. hteres a few things to do.. im not big on the stuff, i havent done much magic as of late.. too much stuff happening. #01 Ahh, I see. So... why do you do all of these Rituals? do they help you gain power somehow? #00 well, hteres some things ive done.. i know some things that could help me in iffeent ways.. but what really is power? it comes in many forms.. depending where you are #01 Is Barney a Satanist? #00 eheh.. no way.. since he preaches to love everyone unconditionally.. thats totally non-satanic.. you should only love those who deserve it.. those you actually want to #01 I see. Then is Jim Baker a Satanist? he only loved those who helped him. I bet he doesn't love the guys that turned him in as a fraud. #00 hmm.. i duno, since there are many things that i use to kinda 'seek out' a satanist.. i dont know much about him.. i didnt care what he did, and i stil dont #01 Oh ok. How big is the 'real' Satanist community in the US today? #00 how the hell do i know? for that.. its hard, since there arent many churchs, and many keep it underground.. and you have to worry about devil worshippers and stuff saying they're satanists.. all i know really is that satanism is a recognized religion to the USA #01 How many 'real' Satanist do you know? #00 hm.. lemme think here.. me, vixen, matt, karen, that other guy, and vince.. umm that makes abouyt 6? thers another.. 7 #01 7 is a lucky number. if you believe in that stuff. #00 heh.. yeah.. lucky hahaha #01 Ok, well, this has been educational, but I hear mommy calling... she needs someone to scrub her back in the sponge bath... see yah ----- One of the more Amusing things I found about the board this guy was Sysop of was his Logoff Screen: 朋芳 蔔� 栢� 栢� 栢栢栢� 栢栢栢芳 朋舫 桑� 栢� 栢� 栢�袴栢� 栢�袴袴� 朋舫 栢� 栢� 栢栢栢�� 栢栢芳 朋舫 栢� 栢� 栢�袴栢� 栢�袴� 栢� 栢栢栢芳 栢栢栢芳 栢 栢栢栢�� 栢栢栢芳 훤� 훤袴袴暠 훤袴袴暠 훤袴袴� 훤袴袴暠 栢� 栢� 栢栢芳 栢� 栢栢栢栢� 栢� 栢芳 栢� 栢栢栢� 栢� 栢� 栢�袴栢� 栢� 훤谷排袴� 栢� 栢栢� 栢� 栢�袴袴� 栢� 芳 栢� 栢栢栢舫 栢� 栢� 栢� 栢�栢� 栢� 栢� 栢芳 栢붜栢쁜舫 栢�袴栢� 栢� 栢� 栢� 栢뵌栢쁜舫 栢� 栢� 휩栢�栢排� 栢� 栢� 栢� 栢� 栢� 栢� 휩栢舫 휩栢栢排� 훤暠훤暠 훤� 훤� 훤� 훤� 훤� 훤� 훤袴� 훤袴袴� � � � � � � � � � � � � 百 � 百 � 死沙 � � 査 � � 査� � 査 � 栢 査� � 栢 査 栢� 査� � � � 査 栢� � 栢 � 栢� 栢� � � � � 百 百 � 栢� � 栢� 査栢 � 百 � 栢栢 栢 � 栢� 栢 栢栢 栢栢� 栢 � 賞 � 査百 査� � 栢� 栢 栢栢 栢栢栢 査� � � � 査� 栢� � 栢白 栢� 栢栢栢栢栢栢栢 栢百 � 幡� 栢� 栢� 査� 栢栢� 栢� 栢栢栢栢栢栢百 査栢� � 蔔� 蔔栢� 栢� 栢� 栢栢栢 栢栢� 栢栢栢栢栢栢� 査栢栢� 百 栢� 査栢栢� 栢栢 栢� 栢栢栢 栢栢� 栢栢栢百査栢百査栢栢栢� 査� � 査栢 査栢栢� 栢栢 栢百査栢栢� 栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢栢栢繃栢栢栢栢� 栢百 栢栢 査栢栢� 栢栢百 栢栢 栢栢栢� 栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢繃栢査栢栢栢栢� 栢栢 栢栢百 栢栢栢栢 栢栢百 栢栢 栢栢栢朋栢栢栢� 栢栢栢栢百査査栢栢栢栢� 栢栢 査栢栢� 栢栢栢栢 栢栢栢� 栢栢朋栢栢百栢栢栢栢朋栢栢栢栢栢� 栢栢栢栢栢 査栢百査栢栢� 栢栢栢栢� 栢栢栢� 栢栢百査栢栢 栢栢栢栢朋栢栢栢栢栢百査栢栢栢栢査栢栢繃栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢査栢栢栢魄栢栢栢査栢栢査栢栢栢百栢栢栢栢栢繃魄栢栢栢栢魄栢栢百査栢栢百 栢栢栢栢百査栢栢栢査栢栢� 栢栢魄栢栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢栢栢魄栢栢栢幡複栢栢百栢栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢栢査栢栢栢査栢栢百栢栢魄栢栢栢百査栢栢栢栢栢繃査栢栢栢査栢栢栢朋栢栢栢百 栢栢栢栢栢繃栢栢栢査栢栢百査栢百査栢栢� 栢栢栢栢栢栢百査栢栢栢査栢栢栢朋栢栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢栢魄栢栢百査栢栢栢査栢栢 栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢栢栢栢繃栢栢賽査栢栢栢繃栢栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢栢魄栢栢棚栢栢栢栢査栢栢輹栢栢� 栢栢栢栢栢栢栢魄栢栢査栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢栢魄栢百査栢栢栢栢繃栢栢魄栢栢繃栢栢栢栢栢栢栢� 栢栢査栢栢栢栢百査栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢栢魄栢� 栢栢栢栢栢魄栢栢魄栢百査栢栢栢栢栢栢栢百栢栢査栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢栢魄栢繃栢栢栢栢栢魄栢栢百査百査栢栢栢栢栢栢栢百賽栢査栢栢栢栢栢朋栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢栢魄栢朋栢栢栢栢栢魄栢栢栢 栢繃栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢朋魄栢栢栢栢栢百査栢栢� 栢栢栢栢栢栢査朋栢栢栢栢栢魄栢栢栢 � 栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢朋魄栢栢栢栢栢栢査栢栢� 栢栢栢栢栢栢朋朋栢栢栢栢栢百査栢百 繃栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢朋朋栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢� 栢栢栢栢栢栢魄査栢栢栢栢栢栢朋栢百栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢百朋栢栢栢栢栢栢百栢栢栢 栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢栢 How... well... Typical? - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � Bobbitized There once lived a couple and to all that could see The picture of happiness perfect as could be But late one night, after what some have called rape (For no one really knows, save that fly on the drape,) Lorena took up a knife and did a neat trick. She went to her husband and cut off his (Bricks Could not save him, as they'd saved little pigs Nor houses of straw, nor houses of twigs. What John needed was an armor suit... That might have saved him from Lorena (the brute!) For what she had done, was done out of meanness To take out a knife and slice off his poor (Keanness Of the surgeon's hands saved poor John B.'s life From that mad-crazy woman with that much too sharp knife.) The story will be told from the spring unto the fall Of Miss Lorena Bobbit and the unkindest cut of all. - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � Man-Dyslexic of Adventures The ------------------------------ III Bonglemeister Thelmus Biff By: evil. of forces the fight to tights colorful don would too he that Spamcat and Thermofish and Underdog and Wonderwoman and Spiderman and Batman and Superman of years and years watching after decided who Kant, Immanuel of ancestor distant Kant, Clarque named man a was there time, a upon Once. Spamcat. even and Thermofish and Underdog and Wonderwoman and Spiderman and Batman and Superman like hero family a be to wanted he because "fucking," not and "freaking" say to careful be always would he course of but "do! I'll what that's grip, vise freaking a in testicles your put and spleen your fry I'll buttocks, jellied of bowl pansied you here back come" say would he well; really talk trash could he sir, yes criminals, after running was he while storm real a up talk could He. him. hurt to going not was decided, doctors his know, didn't he what and however, problem, a have to himself consider not did himself He disorder. dyslexic genetic rare a had all had too, mother and sisters his and grandfather, his and father, his because only Man-Dyslexic, himself call to whimsy suffocating and pure of fit a in decided He. "girdle. utility" his involving usually escape of method a Man-Dyslexic affording up ended usually and work to hours take would which trap STUPID stupid a in him put would outright, him killing of instead and him, capturing keep would they himself; Man-Dyslexic than bungling more even bungling, pretty whole the on were villians The Nick. and Disease, Veneral Poker, the Luther, Martin FatWoman, like names, interesting likewise had all They him. fight to arose public in briefs Loom-the-of- Fruit tight colorful donned also who villians crazy of lots wanted; he what got Man-Dyslexic Eventually. contract. damned his revoked MGM, over took together, banded enemies evil his all when match his met finally Man-Dyslexic. Man-Dyslexic. said "chip, good year, Bad." - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � There one was a guy. I'll call him Harvey, because I am the author, and it's my option to name him whatever I damn well please. Well, this guy, Harvey, put an ad in the Newspaper. This ad was a "need work" ad, and he needed work, as a khush-maker. Well some guys were sitting around at the Pentagon, reading the newspaper when one of them came across Harvey's ad. "Khush-maker needs work?" said one of them. "What is a khush-maker? Does the US military have any khush-makers? Do the Russians have any khush-makers? (oh yeah, this joke is set about 8 years ago) I think we better hire this guy!" The rest of them agreed and they called Harvey up and asked him to work for the U.S. Military. He asked when he should start, and they said as soon as possible, so he took the next bus over to the Pentagon. When Harvey got there, one of the Military asked him exactly what a khush was. "Well, I think it would be better if I showed you what I did," was Harvey's reply. "Ok," said the Military guys, "show us." "Don't get too hasty, I need some supplies first" "Ok, tell us what you need, and we'll get it for you." Harvey told him that he needed a certain type of clay that could only be found beneath one specific mountains in the Andes Mountains of South America. He warned them about the fierce cannibals and ferocious beasts that inhabited the area. Well the Military sent in an expedition of soldiers to go get the clay. They waited a year, and the expedition hadn't returned, so they sent a second, bigger expedition to go see what happened to the first expedition, and get the clay. Two years later they hadn't returned either, so the Military sent in a complete tank division along with assault helicopters, and all that jazz, to level the area and get the clay, which they succeeded in doing, despite heavy casualties. They never found the original expeditions. The Military men gave Harvey the clay, and asked him to show them some khush. "Well, I need some more stuff first. I need a special type of metal. The only person who knows the location of this metal is a monk in Tibet," said Harvey. So they sent out some marines to go to Tibet and find this monk and ask him where the metal was. It actually wasn't that hard to find him, he had a big neon sign above his cave. "See the monk on the silver spike!" it said. When they went in, they found him sitting in meditation upon a single, 3-foot silver spike. The monk got off his seat and greeted the marines "What can I help you with my friends?" The marines asked him about the location of the metal, and he told the that he did indeed know where it was, but that before he revealed its location, they would have to answer his riddle, "My tines be long, my tines be short, my tines end 'ere my first report. What am I?" (ok, so I stole that riddle. The riddle itself isn't really important to the rest of the story). Being military men (military intelligence and all that) the marines had no clue as to the answer of the riddle. They threatened to shoot the monk if he wouldn't tell them where the metal was, but the monk then told them that if he died, they would never find the metal. So the marines left in disappointment, and returned to the United States. When they got back they all got demoted for failing in their mission, but since the rest of the Military couldn't figure out the riddle either, they decided to have a national contest, with cash prizes. Finally around 10 years later, some guy figured out the answer, and he won the money, and the marines went back to the monk. The monk remembered who the marines where, and asked them the riddle again. They had the answer written down, and told him it, and then he gave them an ingot of the metal. The marines returned, got promoted, and the Military gave Harvey his metal. "Ok, now show us some khush" said the Military men. "I need some more stuff," said Harvey. "I need an aircraft carrier of certain dimensions built (he gives them the dimensions) with a big red "X" right here (points to the blue-prints)." "Well, we wish you would have told us this before, but I guess we have no choice, but this is going to take a number of years. Is there anything else you need while we wait?" "No, there is only one thing, but It can't gotten until just before I make the khush." So the rushed up the aircraft carrier, and it was finished in 3 years. They showed it to Harvey and it was to his liking. They then asked him what the final thing he needed was. "I need some lava from a certain volcano in the Atlantic Ocean. We need to go to the sight on the air-craft carrier and have a submarine go down and get it," said Harvey. The Military men agreed, and the next thing he knew, Harvey was on the ship being taken to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The submarine went down and got the lava, and they gave it to Harvey. Harvey stuck it into an oven that he made out of the clay, and had placed on the middle of the red "X". He then took out the metal, which he had fashioned into a sphere. He put that in the oven as well, and closed it up. "We have to wait five minutes now" said Harvey. "Well, we've already waited 15 years, what's another five minutes?" said the Military men. Harvey looked at his watch, and at five minutes he told them it was time. He took out a pair of tongs, opened the oven, and took out the sphere, which was glowing red hot. He walked over to the edge of the boat with the sphere, and then he dropped it into the ocean. As it hit the water it made a loud "KHUSHHHHHHHHHHH!" sound. - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � Immediate Future Founded for All Attacking Aggression Means Aggression Against All Military Intelligence Shows No Wisdom At All Civil Disobediance Is Laughed At And Will Fall Support Your Country For Support You Will Need To Have Resistance Is Futile Offenders Will Be Punished Offenders Will Not Exist. You Will Be Loyal; Loyalty Is Greatly Rewarded. Honor Is Only Obtained Through Loyalty. - � -컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴-� � � � � [MiLK] Information � � � � [MiLK] Sites: � � � � Barney's Pleasure Palace...(708)965-3098 [14,400] 昉께께께께께� The Acropolis..............(708)557-2826 [14,400] 昉께께께께께� The Lunatic Phringe........(708)232-0565 [12 Nodes] 昉께께께께께� 昉께께께께께� 昉께께께께께� BIG Issue #2 栢栢栢栢栢栢� This file is Exactly 34797 bytes long