ÚÄÄÂÄÄÂÄÂÄ¿ ÚÄ¿ÚÄ¿ :::::ÜßßßÜ:ÜÜÛÛÛßß:ܲÛÛÛÛÜ::: ³ Ú¿ ÃÄ´ ³ ³ ÀÙÚÙ :::ÜÛÝ:::ÞÝÛÛܲÛÝßÞÛÛÛÜÜÛ²Ý:: ³°³ ³°³°³°ÀÄ´°Ú¿À¿ and :Ü۲ܲÜ::ß:ß²Û²ÛÛÜÜþÛÛßÛÛÛÛ:: ÀÄÙ ÀÄÁÄÁÄÄÄÁÄÙÀÄÙ ß:Û±Û²ÛÛßßß:±ßßßÛßÜÜÛÝÞÛ²ÜÝ:: ::Û°ß::::ßßß°::ß:::ßÛ:ÛÛ²ß:gh ° ß± File #006: Cheese Wheels of Doom! (By Malakai) ° ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Cheese-Wheels of Doom by Malakai Date: Wednesday, November 11th, 2003 Time: In the morning, I DON'T KNOW, look at your damn watch. Location: Top Secret Bunker, Somewhere in the galaxy This opening scene stars the President of the United States, the Dictator of China, the Emperor of Japan, and the bunker's janitor, Janitor Billy. PRESIDENT: Well, it looks like I slipped. My nucleur missiles fell down and destroyed most of the known world. DICTATOR: Yeah, it's a pity, I kind of liked McDonalds. EMPEROR: Mi chi La Quao Ne Ban! : I can't understand a thing you two just said! BILLY: daaaaaaaaarrrrr.... 'ey bob! PRESIDENT: Talking without permission again, ey Billy? BILLY: Ow, darr... sorry bob. PRESIDENT: That's MISTER PRESIDENT, YOU STUPID IDIOT! ...We're sorry, this movie is in the wrong T-file... we now resume our regularly scheduled T-file, the Cheese-Wheels of Doom, by Malakai. --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- Well, to start off, this will be my 1st file for the new group and I just wanted to say one thing to all you people... "ooo ooo ooo ah ah ah!"; And now that I've said that word, I shall continue on with the point of this T-File. Now, we all watch TV, right? At least SOME time during our lives we must glance over at that strange box which keeps on sending some picture and sound through it, as if it was possessed by the spirit of Chia himself. Well, anyway, I have been up all night a lot lately and have been FORCED by lack of any background noise to watch the most dreaded thing of all. INFOMERCIALS Now, it might be okay if it was something that was actually INTERESTING and maybe something someone in thier right mind would USE. For instance, who in the world would by a dehydrator and use it all too often. Especially considering you can't REHYDRATE it. Imagine this, they dehydrate thier meat, it's all shriveled and disgusting looking. Well, imagine Mrs. Housewife dehydrating ALL the food. Goddamn. And then I see an informercial for a MOP. A GODDAMN MOP. Who the fuck is going to be watching TV at 5am, see this commercial and say, "OH MY GOD. THIS MOP IS GREAT!! I NEED ONE!" or "I'm depressed, I think I'll buy a mop," or even, "I need a mop to fend off the evil spirits who are keeping me awake to write this T-file!"; Now, please, tell me that an HOUR infomercial is just going WAY too far for a !!! MOP !!! Ok, but guess what, this is not JUST about INFOMERCIALS. This is about all the shitty things they put on TV from 2-5 am. Now, channel 50 usually has the standard layout of crappy infomercials around here, but then all of a sudden, I find that I am watching a cheezy, dubbed in english, Chinese kung fu flick! It's SO LAME. The idiot ANNOUNCES his moves before me makes them. That's like going into Chicago, going up to a 6'8" black guy with huge muscles and saying, "Hi, I am going to first punch you in the nose," and then you stand there and wait for him to turn around, but he doesn't. He whistles and has his 20 friends come out and kick your ass. How come that never happens in those movies? Then they might actually be cool. The next pesky thing on late night TV is the TELE-EVANGELISTS. Sure, this seems quite a bit more reasonable, because, well, the assholes are trying to squeeze money out of the poor depressed idiots who are up and staring at the TV hoping God will save them from thier pain for a measly 100 dollar contibution to some multi-million dollar moron. Just what we need. For once, I wish people weren't so ignorant. I mean, if ignorance is bliss, why are there so many depressed and unhappy people!? I mean, 95% of the country is IGNORANT. But there is one GREAT thing about late night TV. When you are flipping through the channels and all of a sudden, you get to one with a multi-colored screen, with bars going up and down. And there is a loud, soothing beep emitting from the speakers. It is peace and tranquility, rather like the emergency broadcast system tests, only it goes on for hours. Sometimes I just sit there and stare at the screen, listening to the beeping, feeling it flow through me. It is then when I think, that maybe late night TV isn't so bad after-all? AND THEN... the sound stops, the screen goes black for a mere 3 seconds, and then some STUPID infomercial for D-D 7 comes on. Prehaps late night TV just needs more beeps, but whatever the problem, I say stick to radio... until next time, this is Late-night TV anti-advocate Malakai, signing off... .... Greetz go out to .... My alarm clock... man, I couldn't wake up without you, that's why I throw you at the wall so much. To all the Unduck heads. Yeah. that's right, UNDUCK, got a problem with that? To the big cheese, even though I have no idea who it is. To all you 3l1t3 people out there, I hate you. .... That's all, and remember.... NYTOL WILL HELP YOU GET YOUR Z's ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³ MiLK & TeA Sights: ³ ³ ³ ³ The Obloid Sphere 41:708/1 [708]965-3098 [Illinoizze] ³ ³ The Land of Rape and Honey 41:609/1 [609]698-1358 [New Jarsee] ³ ³ ³ ³ Note: These are the only two MiLK & TeA sights to date. There are like ³ ³ 10,000 other boards supposedly ready to be milk and tea sights, but until ³ ³ I get the news that say they are ready to distribute, They'll remain ³ ³ unlisted. -Jamesy ³ ³ ³ ³ An udder note: The addresses listed above are for [LaMENeT], The offical ³ ³ net of M&T. You can reach the editors of M&T through the boards listed ³ ³ above with LaMENeT Addresses. Whoomp, there it is. ³ ³ ³ ³ .nfo: File: #006 Author: Malakai ³ ³ Size: 7512 Bytes Title: "Cheese Wheels of Doom" ³ ³ ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ