DISCLAIMER: THIS MAGAZINE IS NOT REAL LIFE. _ __ _______ _______ | | / / / __ \ | __ \ This is a | | / / | / \__| | [ ] | different | | / / | | | [ ] | message on | |/ / | | | [__] | here than | / | | __ | _____/ before | \ | | | \ | __ \ just for | |\ \ | | | | | [ ] | the hell | | \ \ | | | | | [ ] | of it. | | \ \ | \_/ | | [__] | |_| \_\ \_______/ |_______/ K-RAD GNUZ & BULLSHIT A N D ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ | | / \ | / \ / \ / \ / \ . | | | | | | | | | | | | | | # | |____| | | | \____ \____ |____| |____| ##, | | \ | | | \ \ | | | | # # | | \ | | | | | | | | | | #P # | | \ \____/ \_____ \____/ \____/ | | | | # 0[ | # # #oo. | # #' ##./' | R O Y A L O R D E R O F T H E L E S S E R _# `## o." | j# o.. | S P O T T E D S O U T H A F R I C A N .## () o*... | Narq! ##" o.. | A A R D V A R K Narq! #^ j##,+.. | \ _##? .####<`#*o* . | Founder: UNiQUE(missing in action) ## _.###^ ##.'_ | Mascot: Zwobeley _J#####' #" | THE OFFICIAL MAGAZINE OF USELESS AND POINTLESS INFORMATION GR33TZ GO OUT 2:(some old, some older) ParadoX................................Congratulations. You set up the first meetme that DIDN'T suck. Can't believe how much stuff was talked about. pug guy................................Welcome to KGB. Heretic...._________________________________________ the stories on / \hat a complex | Fuck the greetz list. You've seen | CyberLink.| them all before anyway, and there's |ne else remembers | no new greetz out anyway. So why | Shenana fr| bother, huh? Okay, maybe a greetz |oh great, I'm | go out to Silver Serpent just |ate BoW again. | because you weren't in the past | Baccahbar.| three issues. There's your fifteen |t cool voice | minutes of fame. Now try to get | UNiQUE....| me to accept a collect call. :) |oofus. OPP.......\_________________________________________/ e* has dungeon.zip. Too bad I haven't found an IFF player If you want to get some issues of PfA(which is probably a lot better than this magazine), you can get them at etext.archive.umich.edu /pub/Zines/PFA. Enjoy. That reminds me. I have yet to do a member list. But I'm still looking for people who would even admit to being in this so-called 'group'. Kudos for Solctice for daring to put KGB/ROLSSAA in his user note. Not even I do that! ************************************************************************* ************************** --- New GNUS --- *************************** ************************************************************************* - Seeing as that I'm somewhat lazy, and not too well-educated on every artikahl I'd like to write on here, I'm going to introduce a new concept. It is micro-articles. They'll be VERY small, not-too-interesting, but not-too-dull. It'll be something to chew on and think about, and nothing more. Enjoy. But don't worry, there will still be regular-sized articles at no extra charge. - This issue isn't gonna be very big, since, well, I don't feel like it. People have been getting on my back asking me when the next KGB issue will be out. Geez, you mean you actually LIKE this magazine? Well, hmm......... - Well, hmm. After looking at KGB 1, I have to say that issue REALLY sucked. And if the guy who thought it up says its bad, it's pretty much safe to take his word on it. I mean, like, that's worse than rejected BoW or DFS material. But who cares. It's just electrons that happen to have an ASCII combination of D-FENS on it where it creates a connection in your brain to relate it to me. But, WHO CARES? At least I get something to do other than watch #phreak get taken over again and again and again on IRC between the times I work. - Hopefully in the next issue I'll be doing some low-quality artikahls about funny conferences of the past(such as the Cliff Stoll and the Eric BoWer ones) for some fun. Those were k-rad. - PaX iMPeRiaLiS is still missing in action. He won't be making it to DefCon since he's saving for a trip to someplace in Europe for a demo competition. KGB wishes you the best of luck, and dammit, you better mention us in your next demo. Now go kick Future Crew's ass. - I'm trying to get OTHER people's articles in this thing since I'm sick of writing most of this stuff. I feel egotistical and self-centered so the mailbox is open for submissions. Go for it. This is your chance to be k-rad. Do it. - Anybody watching Max Headroom on Bravo? Neet show. Very Cyberpunk, but without that lame Billy Idol flavor(boy that sounded stupid, but you get the point). In fact, you won't even HEAR the word cyberpunk in it, probably since it was made back in 1986. If it's any show that shows obnoxious and over polished computer imagry(by Video Image, same company that did POVs for the Terminator movies, and the Predator's point of view), this is the one. Some look commodore 64 ish, but some are really neet. - Take note, most of this issue might be composed of random thoughts and small editorials, but hey, they're easier to read. No complex diagrams or phone number lists or anything. Isn't that a relief? - Hey, I just thought of something. Take a hacked account, and put some sort of update of anything you'd like, and if anyone wants it, they'd just finger you up. Wait a minute, that's already been done by those legit services. But hey, who says YOU can't do it? Go for it. Of course its been done before in the other way, by flooding your ass off on IRC if you finger a plan that's made with a specially written phile. How creative. - My VMB changed. It's box 115. 1-800-752-0515 call after about 5pm CST. - Baccahbar might have the most elite ware out there yet. Too bad he hasn't uploaded it to his server yet to give to me. Mohahhh. ***************************************************************************** ************************** 1. Bedtime Story ******************************* ***************************************************************************** - Okay, I just thought of something cool. Remember The Stand that was on a while ago on ABC? That was a great miniseries. Now imagine, if you will, Dale Drew is working at Tymnet, and some d00d at the lab releases a HUGE killer Internet virus/worm/whatever. Dale runs for his life while they are trying to shut down the whole system, but he unfortunately contracted the virus/worm, and telnets to somewhere else(I forgot the state). Suddenly everyone's account gets its philes garbled with mucus, and then they die within 17 minutes, except for a chosen few. Okay, I'm like Stuart, being totally immune, but all these other people lose their accounts on internet. I have these dreams of M0th3r Ab1Ga1l (You thought I was gonna say the visionary, didn't you? Nope.). UNiQUE is a big time singer after he does a big time hit with 'Dig Yo Narq' since we told him to sing somewhere else instead of on our conferences, and so he did. It soared to #1. SO he moved to New York for some reason. He's unfortunately immune too. Then there's that not-so-bright guy(SZ) in some state(I forgot) who meets up with a deaf dood, who got beat up after some codes dispute. That deaf guy is Solctice, since he's real bright. THey have to communicate thru CTCP messages, but that's okay. N-A-R-Q, that spells Freenet Zone! Then I telnet to Nebraska, since it was in my 0 day dreams, and meet up with a few more doods. On the way, we meet this d00d named Silver Serpent, doing some painting, since all the Oncor operators are dead. His pet Lesser Spotted South African Aardvark survives, so we take him along. We meet this k-rad M0th3R Ab1ga1l in person so we have PicniCon '94. We leave an ASCII message saying that we're going to the Colorado Freenet Zone, so get back in your Camero or pickup truck, and go there. Baccahbar's already there so we go to his place. Then we find a few other people, and they eventually turn out to be everyone involved in KGB/ROLSSAA. So we like have our own little community. Still with me on the story? Good. But, like, on the west coast there are some other d00dz who survive. But instead, they go to Las Vegas(probably not for DefCon) and they have a leader. His name is U4EA, cuz he's a lot like Flagg. Trust me, I've seen him on IRC n stuph. L3gion meets up with him after blowing up the Iowa state IRC server, b3ing just like Trashcan Man. RatScabies was in IRC op jail when everyone was dying, so U4EA(Flagg) hacked some ops on #jail and got him released, since all the IRCops were dead. So they both make their way to Las Vegas. Power is restored there so they can play all those neat casino games, Commander Keen, and all those other warez. U4EA, being their phearless leader, plans to blow up the Colorado Freenet Zone with an ICMP BOMB so him and his evil WaReZ d00dZ can take over all the Internet in the name of BoW. He's up to no good. Pax iMPeRiaLiS somehow makes his way to the Colorado Freenet Zone, s0 we have the whole gang together there. We send SZ and CyntaxEra as spiez down to Las Vegas to see what U4EA and the boys are up to. Somehow we've got to stop U4EA from bombing the hell out of us so his BoW doodz won't take over all of Internet. M0tH3r Ab1Ga1l says that four doodz must walk without codes or phood to Las Vegas to stop U4EA and his BoW gang. So me (D-FENS), SSerpent and his Lesser Spotted South African Aardvark , UNiQUE, and Baccahbar(he was some d00d who picked up SZ and Solctice while trucking along) make our way to Vegas. We hit a big 'CONNECTION REFUSED' along the way, so we try going thru it. I bust my leg, so the Lesser Spotted South African Aardvark and I stay behind. Meanwhile, back in Vegas, L3gion (Trashcan Man) has some flashbacks from when he was younger and he deleted some college student's term paper (yeah I know it was a pension check in the story). All the d00dz called him a lamer and all these other insults. In a fit of rage, he goes on a rampage and reformats the hard drive at the Air Force base that had the k-rad program to drop the ICMP bomb, and telnets to some big hard drive that has ALL the k-rad BOMBS, viruses, trojans, and worms that the Phedz have stored. As soon as Baccahbar, UNiQUE, and SSerpent reach the login: prompt of Las Vegas, they're taken to #jail. Ratscabies has to shoot (kick/ban) SSerpent at the order of U4EA[FlaGG]. So only UNiQUE and Baccahbar are only left. So, like U4EA[FlaGG] has this huge ass BoWCon on the streets of Vegas, and like everyone has awps except for Baccahbar and UNiQUE. Just as U4EA[FlaGG] is about to kick them for being lame, and being enemies of BoW, L3gion joins #vegas. He brings the atomic ICMP bomb with him. Everyone around him is all scared, and he proudly shows it to U4EA[FlaGG], cuz he was kissing his ass. Then, somehow M0tH3r Ab1Ga1l somehow appears in a netsplit and somehow gets ops. Just as U4EA[FlaGG] turns into a CroW and tries to leave #vegas, M0th3r Ab1Ga1l sets off the AtOmIc ICMP B0mB in L3gion's account. Everyone in #vegas diez, incl00ding Baccahbar and UNiQUE. BUt they were standing, so that was okay. Then D-FENS gets to watch this k-rad stuff from a distance, gets rescued by PaX iMPeRiaLiS who was following them to make sure everything went ok and goes back to the Colorado Freenet Zone. Every d00d lives happily ever after. Oh yeah, I also become an admin. THE END. *************************************************************************** ********************* 2. Baccahbar's first article ********************** *************************************************************************** |=============================================================| | Deep Thoughts | |== Editorial =================================== Baccahbar ==| Yes, They caught up to me. D-FENS finally found me in #phreak, making a fool of myself, as usual, and reminded me of KGB and it's need for articles.. So I threw together a few interesting items. The next three sections are in *no* way informational, but if you get something out of it... Good... I claim no responsibility for quoting movies, other comics, etc. Take with food. ** Disclaimer ** Any references to B0W or U4EA are purely coincidental, I don't even know them... BUT if I did, i would be joking.. --= Section 1 > Test which even U4(skin)EA cannot pass You've seen it b4. Sorry bacc, but thanks anyway. --= Section 2 > Misc Inpho That virus list you've seen on FIDOnet. We hate FIDOnet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- --= Section 3 > Final Thoughts (ahh! good! :) Ah well... enough sharing of my personal favorite T-Files.. For those academically imapired, there will be a translation on channel #St00PiD at 6:30. * A note on recent IRC activity... WHAT?!?!! Can we get any more stupid? Apparently so, seeing the latest l0sers online. As I was on a conference Saturday, May 22, 1994, (thanks to a very drugged Zaph0d, who had done Codine and beer) Dr. Freeze mentioned that he was recieving mail from someone in #blaklife. He read through it and the basic idea is that this loser thought that Dr.Freeze was going on the channel #blaklife and basically 'breaking the law' by 'throwing slanderous remarks around'. HA! the (l)user then went to Dr's site and talked with him... He threatened to get the sysadmin at Dr's site to expel him. This was impossible because Dr wasn't even a student! Ah well stupidity... This whole 'superhighway' media hype will eventually hurt us... Do you think that Lags now are bad? Wait until the average person can log in.. Well I'll get to more articles later, once I feel more inspired. Later all, Power to the People. >> Baccahbar << ============================================================================= **************************************************************************** ************************ 3. Conference stuff ******************************* **************************************************************************** Well it seems there's a rising trend among the conference scene. What? Imitations of the visionary. Before, like around the god damn 617 bridge, it was d00dz like SSerpent that wouldn't shut up wif their imitations of Brother Mandalow from the Yorkshire Posse. It was reported that he said "wheel of inpho" numerous times. But who cares? Only a few d00dz do that now. Amyways, back to the main subject... Jeez. It looks like they aren't directly ripping on the visionary on this case, and just using that imitation of his voice for d00dspeak. Well it seems to have totally spread, so if any phedz were to monitor the conference, they would think it was just some dood who was talking with himself. Well, at least none of our voices would be recorded. So if you're on trial, and you hear some goofy 3rd generation voices, please hold in your laughter, talk in your NORMAL voice, and say "now does that really sound like me? I mean, I don't sound at ALL like that.". Don't say something like "Yeah I was on dat k-rad 0-day conf." Yo, but just for the record, I, D-FENS have no qualms with the visionary whatsoever. Uh, there was like a conf or two on Friday, but I forgot the numbers. What it was mainly composed of was a pro-U4EA conf, and an anti-U4EA conf. At one point we all migrated to the anti-U4EA conf to see U4EA duke it out with the d00dz who threatened to do stuff to him at DefCOn. Heh. I fell asleep on that one... Well, I thought a cool conference would kill some time and be a decent break from constantly trying to join #phreak and have it be invite only. Well, God was I wrong. Conf Date: 5-28-94 (Saturday) Number: 1-800-432-3509 pin 176141 Well, I got on at about 9:10 pm, and I got my ears blasted out by some screaming guy. He would not fucking shut up. This conf also had music playing(Metallica, etc), and, like any other AT&T conference, had mandatory touch tones played on it. Fucking god damn. That screamer guy was one of the most annoying things I've ever heard on a conf. He's 10 times worse than toners, or poser music d00dz. What's worse, he was giving out some dude's info in New York. He kept saying his name was Dennis, and he just would not fucking shut up. Well, anyways, it was taken down by an unnamed host. I won't tell his name since the conference was so lame, to protect him, and well, he w0n't get busted. :) But I called some other conf that was much better. This goes in the worst Conference Hall of Phame. Good thing it was killed. I think there was another one we migrated to, but I forgot the spex on that one. What I do remember on that was I almost busted a gut laughing at the 'nigga slave' who was refered to as #4, and sounded exactly like one of the Cosby Kids. It wasn't mushmouth or Fat Albert himself. Maybe it was Rudy. ANyways, it was purely hilarious. Conf Date: 5-29-94 (Indy 500 Sunday) Number: 1-800-432-3509 pin 497475 D00d, this one was a little bit better than the other one. This had the least amount of toners on it. Okay, so I like got on it, and a few others like Line Noise, Music Man and eventually U4EA got on. We called up a few fast f00d places and tried to get free food. We said we went thru the drive thru and got some fries, and they were cold. They asked for our address so they could mail us to compensate. We pondered that fact and asked them wouldn't that phree food be cold when it gets to our house, creating a vicious circle. They were actually gonna mail us some coupons for some phree stuff, provided we bring back the fries for proof. We called back and said our whole meal, thru drive-thru of course, was cold and gross. That didn't work out, so we stopped that. We did call Burger King though to see if Brandon, a guy some phreakers managed to get fired over the phone, was around. They said he wasn't in today. Heh. Looks like they re hired him. Oh well. There was some story on how some d00dz decoded the encryption (I forgot the acronym) to some McDonalds' drive-thru radio system, and had some phun. While a customer was at drive thru, the phreakers, posing as drive-thru employees, said they were gonna kick this guy's ass. Supposedly, this guy got out of his car(while it was still in the drive- thru spot), and walked into McDonald's and was looking for the guy who said that to him. Reminds me of that story of the guy at Arby's who used his CB in his car parked nearby to swear at the employees and tell them what he thought of the food there. Of course, he got arrested. If you got a good police scanner, and the right inpho, you can supposedly listen in on the drive thru. Maybe not. Who knows. I haven't bothered since the nearest fast food place is a little too far away to pick it up. One person pondered if you could get on the frequency where the drive thru people talk to each other on, you could broadcast a Burger King radio station, playing non-stop hits ONLY for Burger King drive-thru employees. Eleet. But it got killed. Conf Date: 5-30-94 (Monday) Number: 1-800-432-3589 pin 176141 Well I got on dis conf at about 2:30 pm. For some reason, people were getting booted off one by one for about 3 minutes. This one only lasted 3 hours for some reason. Eventually there was only me, readwrite, and ladyada on it. But there was, belive it or not, some intelligent discussion on it. Conf Date: 5-31-94 (Tuesday) Number: 1-800-457-XXX3 pin 3X9XXX AND 1-800-457-XXX4 pin 5X7XXX ( 2 meetmes going on at the same time are eleet! ) The 3X9 started out at 7PM CST with just me, ParadoX and line noise. Music Phreak got on too, and three wayed to the the 5X7 one. Looks like there were a lot more on that one, so it all worked out. For a brief minute, there was nobody on the conference. Then Mage, SSerpent, and a few others finally got back on. It was said the 5X7 conference was a tone fest, but who cares? Eventually, we made about 1000 calls to On-Cor. ***************************************************************************** ************************* Notes from Andy Rooney ************************* ***************************************************************************** - Why is it every time a channel, like #phreak is taken over, the next channel, like #phreak2, where all the guys migrate to, somehow ends up being totally opless? - What is it with those 0 day warez? Who cares when it was released? Don't they care if the damn ware works or not, or if it's available to the warez public? - Why is making those elite k-rad 0-day warez available to the public(minus the phedz of course) the last thing on their minds? Don't be so selfish! - Why is it every time I'm on a conference and somebody says something annoying, or heavily disliked, the tones suddenly come on? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- PaX iMPeRiaLiS(d00d!) ___________ ___ ___ _________ / ________/ / \ / / / _____ | / / / | / / / / / / / /____ / / | / / / / / / / _____/ / /| |/ / / / / / / / / / | / / / / / / / /_______ / / | / / /____/ / /__________/ /___/ |___/ /__________|