_____________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------ ------05.25.94-----------------------------------------------------#019------ Intravenous Kegger Appreciated by Snarfblat and Jason Farnon Posted on ATDT-East: From: RANDOM TOX Read: 4 times To: All Subject: High School Coolness BEYOND YOUR DREAMS! Hell yeah! Not only was I CAPTAIN of the FOOTBALL team, but I was both the Quarterback AND the Tight-End! And the COACH! And Sometimes even the BALL! And I was also CAPTAIN of the CHEERLEADING SQUAD! Yes! Indeed I was POPULAR. And I harrassed girls with BIG HAIR and Champion sweaters on a nightly basis! I DRINK one cup of BEER for every WOMAN I've taken advantage of and "Townie Liquors Inc" has to RESTOCK! I don't just DRINK, I got to MEXICO and drink! I don't just EAT the Tequila WORMS, They BREED in my DEFECATION! Only WIMPS enjoy FUNNELING -- I use a KEG and an IV! I BEND BARS with my virility! I may be STERILE due to massive STEROID USE but who cares? The combo of BREASTS and BRAWN got me to my exalted DOUBLE-CAPTAIN status! I have to wear a shorter dress than most other cheerleaders so I can HIKE the BALL with greater ease! My pom-poms have CHIN STRAPS! So do my BOOTS! I don't just HIDE my BEER in a buried plastic TRASHCAN full of ice, HELL NO! I hide it in a refrigerated WORLD WAR TWO BUNKER! I've been in TWENTY drunk-driving car ACCIDENTS! I'm an HONORARY Works SYSOP! I don't just DELETE users, I get DRUNK and BEAT them! I know all about COMPUTER HACKING! I use a SLEDGEHAMMER! I don't write Neon Knights TEXTFILES, I have so much BOOZE in my BLOOD that I just THINK like that! I didn't just DESIGN the Paisley Box, I AM A PAISLEY BOX! The only time I use books are when I THROW them! I only read HIGHWAY signs, because they're BIG, like ME! I EMBRACE Academia, if she has big TITS! I read the BOSTON HERALD! And it's overly COMPLICATED for me to understand! I just buy it for the BACK COVER anyway! I love those CLEVER headlines! I have five hundred OVERPRICED brand name sweatshirts, and I've "accidentally" (ha!) fashionably RIPPED them, and I wear them INSIDE-OUT! I've sewed an entire SET of DRAPERIES and QUILTS with the underwear I've yanked off entirely WILLING passed-out DRUNK TOWNIE GIRLS! No fraternity at any College will have me because I'M SO GREAT! So I started MY OWN! Yeah! I'm so hip that I SNORT COKE! And so what? They say ALCOHOL is a DRUG and it hasn't hurt me a BIT! I'm so TOUGH that I cut my flake with GROUND GLASS! HEROIN is for WEAKLINGS! I just swallow Poppy SEEDS and extract OPIUM directly in my STOMACH! As you can see, I'm just a cool guy. ============================================================================== IBFT: We Break Your Wooden Leg Information, mailing list: bleed-request@unix.amherst.edu ftp.etext.org:/pub/Zines/IBFT The Eleventh Hour (617)696-3146 ==============================================================================