[--------------------------------------------------------------------------] ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #559 `888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8 888 888 888 888 888 "How I Really Feel" 888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 888 888 888 888 888 " by Daisy 888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 4/6/99 o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] I read the titles of all of the other writers files and tell myself how did I ever get wrapped up in this? I cannot write nearly as good as any of these other writers can. I am just some preppy white girl from the Midwest who is so wrapped up in her own life that consists only of her boyfriend and nothing else, or so Mogel feels, and cannot write about anything else. Well, let me tell you that if I get on a fit of rage I can write about any damn thing I want! And Mogel. Please take this file as a compliment, because you gave me a vision, you gave me something to write about. My whole life I have been told that I am not good enough. I'm not good enough to play the drums well because I am a girl. I'm not as pretty as those snotty lil' Munster bitches because I do not stick my nose in the air like they do or have the money their daddy's do or get nose jobs or drive a Mustang. I am not good enough for this one guy at school because he decides to announce to everyone "No, I will not have sex with you unless you suck my dick!". What the hell is that I say, fuck it! Because I never wanted to fuck you in the first place dammit! I will never become a cop because I am too little or not aggressive enough! I will never get anywhere in life because I received a 850 on my SATs and barely graduated. I will never live up to the expectations of my parents because they try to compare me to my genius older brother or athletic little sister. I will never get married or lead a happy life because I have cheated on every boyfriend I have ever had! I will never get a good job because I don't try in school and because of that no university will ever take me. You better marry a rich old guy they say jokingly when deep down it hurts because they are most likely right! You'll never be able to run track again because you have a bad back, yeah, there went the scholarships and any chance on getting into any good college. You'll never have any friends because no body likes you! Maybe all of this stuff is not what everyone says. Maybe it is what I tell myself. But I can play the drums, just give me a chance! I am as pretty as those Munster bitches, you just need to look harder! And who cares if I don't have a lot of money, you don't need money to be a good person! And that guy at school can go fuck himself or some other girl who is willing to suck his dick! I will be a cop because I have enough bottled up aggression to fight of the entire US Army (okay maybe not that much but I have a lot). I will get somewhere in life because I can, if I try. And cheating on my boyfriends well I never found the right one until now! I won't have to marry rich. I will support myself if I need to because I will be successful, you wait and see. All of these things have built up inside and are pouring out so fast that I cannot type fast enough to get them all out! You see I can write for HOE, really I can but I just need a tangent to get off on, something meaningful, something that will bring tears to my eyes like this did. Something I believe in! Something I love. But if you think this is just another cop-out file, Mogel you are sadly mistaken! Because this came from my heart, from my soul, from deep down where no body really sees. Somewhere others will never know exists unless they tell me that I am not good enough! [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #559 - WRITTEN BY: DAISY - 4/6/99 ]