'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!! ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #384 !! #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !! ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: =========================================== ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "That Time I Tried to Conquer !! ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: The World or Something" !! ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: by -> LilNilHil 12/25/98 !! !!========================================================================!! Day 1 ===== Today I was watchin C-SPAN, and it got me thinkin, about how slow and idiotic our government can be. About how often someone is shot in this country, and basically how democracy just doesn't fucking work at all. So I decided, hell I can do a better job. I've still got some of that young rebellion blood in me, I've seen 'Braveheart' and dammit, I know how ta make napalm. So I sent out a mass e-mail to all the hackers, freex, militants, and fug-ups I could think of. An S.O.S. to stop oppresive shit, a call to arms if you will. I've even got a name for this online-army. The R.S.R. The Red Star Rebellion. The 'Red' stands for unity. Sort of like the blood of the people... or something. And the star is becuz federal agents usually wear vests, so, like the air-force, we aim high... er... waitaminute... Anyway I got to talkin about all of this with a friend of mine, and she asked me what my plan was. I told her I would start the revolution on the internet, and exploit technology to render the U.S. forces defenseless. For example, by hacking into U.S. satellites, we will make it impossible for the U.S. to retaliate with their nuclear arsen--Okay, dammit... so I don't have a plan. And I'm just kinda wingin' this whole conquer the world thing as I go along. Bugger off. Day 2 ===== Minimal response from my radical brethren. But the few who have come forward seem really enthusiastic. Of course, I had to bribe half of them with free warez and money. Nevertheless, I am beginning to build a tightly knit regime, ready to stage a bloody coup at my very command. Also, I noticed something odd today. I think I may be developing some sort of god-complex... Hmm, this must be how Napolean felt. Day 3 ===== Today I went out an got some stuff on Caeser, and that movie 'The Wave', so I can try and figure out brainwashing. I also bought a copy of 'The Art of War' and a few things by Machiavelli. On another note, today my head of espionage uncovered a few spies in our ranks. Luckily he had them eliminated before any damage was done. Also, today I asked a friend if she would like to head our propaganda department. Her response; "Gee, can't I just shoot people?" Day 4 ===== The troops seem restless, and many good men are missing in action or a.w.o.l. Today someone wanted to know what the politics of the new world order would be. I thought about this for awhile. And I think a democratic attitude might work. With of course a socialist underbelly, and just a hint of fascis-Alright fine. I dunno what the hell I'm talkin about here either. Day 5 ===== Morale is low, the enemy appears to be taking its toll on the troops. Today I tried changing the name to "The Red Star Alliance". I got several small hacker groups to allie with us in hopes that in using this system I would take some of the burden of actually having to do something off of my troops. We'll see how that turns out. Day 6 ===== Alas, all of my efforts are in vain. Group interest is now all but non-existent, and I am beginning to question my very sanity for taking on this mass of stupidity in the first place. Day 7 ===== Bah, fug it. !!========================================================================!! !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #384 - WRITTEN BY: LILNILHIL - 12/25/98 !!