'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!! ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #322 !! #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !! ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: =========================================== ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "How to Make Top Ten Lists" !! ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Avenger !! ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/9/98 !! !!========================================================================!! woo! how many times has it been in the last month, day, year (depending on your level of e'zine addiction) that you have read a 'leet top ten list, and wanted to make one yourself? well, you're in luck, buddy! step 1: 'totally stupid fucking topic choice' ============================================= find a completely stupid fucking topic. it helps if it involves sex, drugs, or small mammals. remember: top ten lists are not supposed to make sense. pick a topic that's totally off the wall for guaranteed sucess. examples: ========= 'top ten ways to fuck a hamster' 'top ten outregously stupid things to mix with turpentine and eat' 'top ten things to do with a clay pot and a lava lamp' 'top ten things to not do with alex trebec' step 2: 'another big choice' ============================ forward or backward? advantages: =========== forwards -> simple. straight-forward. conservative. backward -> suspenseful. elite. woo. backward is the obvious choice. step 3: 'attempt to make it logical' ==================================== guh. we're not little immature sugar-packet-eating little fucks, so we need to make this relatively witty. add things to your list that are enough to balance out step 1's silliness. these can include thing that actually touch with real life.. !!========================================================================!! Are you actually fucking reading this? Are you stoned off your small, fascist, stupid, 'zine brain? !!========================================================================!! see: "incredibly stupid metaphors." examples: ========= 'act so stupid you look like a.. oh, fuckit. i'll just put in an irc log. hmm someone is a bit shy when it comes to sexuality :) heh lemme tell you it's not fun :) when you see a doctor for an exam of your genitals :) :) it hurts like a bugger it hurts real bad very painful tres painful don't get me started abotu what the beak did a plastic beak and that exam hurt like a bitch it's comparable to someone shoving a cord up your ejaculate opening the pap exam or even better shoving a finger up your butt to exam your gland it's where they stick a beak like apparatus up your vagina and open it up a ways and take cells from the cervix and then the doctor takes it out and sticks her finger up there to examine your uterus fallopian tubes and ovaries good enough description? it's done to see if you are at risk for cancer well once the beak stretches you out it doesn't matter bout the hand size just be lucky you don't have the beak it's like terrible i nearly cried but i treated myself to a day of shopping after so it's all good:) why do you bother with a plastic beak, come over here and ill use a real ducks beak i'll pretend i didn't hear that or see that yay! if that turned you on, well, you're pretty fucking nasty. asshole. !!========================================================================!! !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #322 - WRITTEN BY: AVENGER - 12/9/98 !!