_ _ __ __ ___ _______ _ _ /\| |/\ /\| |/\ | | | | / _ \ | ____| /\| |/\ /\| |/\ \ ` ' / \ ` ' / | |__| | | | | | | |__ \ ` ' / \ ` ' / |_ moo _|_ moo _| | __ | | | | | | __| |_ moo _|_ moo _| / , . \ / , . \ | | | | | |_| | | |____ / , . \ / , . \ \/|_|\/ \/|_|\/ |__| |__| \___/ |_______| \/|_|\/ \/|_|\/ suck my squiggly tail. -108- oink you, sucker. hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy hogs of entropy >> "and you wonder" << by -> aproh ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- this little gem was sent as a serious submission to dto productions. i cry. you enjoy. - m0gel [dto@op.net] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Anything you say can andbe used against you" these are my rights. This is what i was taught. That is all i see while i look through your narrow mind. And sometimes i sit in the dark and shiver and cry myself to sleep and think about being abused for all those years that stretch out into my life. And i can seill feel you inside me you fucking pig!!! And i can still feel myself struggle under you (a giant, me, a little girl). And i can still feel you rip off my clothes and tell me it was right and I NEVER BELIEVED YOU, NOT ONCE. and its dark in here as it was dark during those years, in your room under the covers and there's an emptyness in my mind where i try to forget and every time i tell the story i feel a little better like its not some sort of dirty secret i carry around with me like the chains of christmas past. and you WONDER WHY I DONT TRUST MEN AND YOU WONDER WHY I LOVE GIRLS AND NOT YOU AND YOU WONDER WHY WHEN I KISS YOU I CANT STOP, CANT SAY NO??? AND YOU WONDER WHY I LOCK MY CAR DOORS AND YOU FUCKING WONDER WHY I WONT SIT NEXT TO YOU AT THANKSGIVING DINNER??? I remember sitting with you on saturday mornings and watching monster trucks crush the cars underneath them and not i picture that was the story of my life and you were eating pork rhinds but that didnt even gross me out...what made me sick to my stomach was you: staring at me with that sick look and I DIDNT WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME AND I DIDNT WANT TO BE THERE BECAUSE I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING NEXT-OH GOD, I KNEW WHAT WAS NEXT. SO I'D SIT AND STARE AT THE CEILING AND LET YOU DO...LET YOU OVERCOME ME AND YOU WONDER WHY I DONT LIKE TO BE CONTROLLED?? and even though i dont, i try not to, remember, i do and i wonder if when you came inside me, did you feel like a man?? DID YOU FEEL LIKE A "BIG BOY"? WERE YOU HAPPY? DID IT MAKE YOU HAPPY THAT YOU HAD RUINED MY LIFE? DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER? OR ARE YOU SO FUCKED UP NOW THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER RAPING ME SO MANY TIMES? MY PARENTS DIDNT EVEN *KILL* YOU WHEN THEY FOUND OUT. IF I HAD BEEN BIGGER, OLDER, *STRONGER*, I WOULD HAVE DONT IT MYSELF...THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR RAPE!!! THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO VIOLATE ME ONCE, YOU HAD CONTROLLED MY BODY BUT NEVER AGAIN. YOU CONTROLLED MY MIND, MY SEXUALITY, MY BODY BUT NOW I AM RECOVERING. NOW I WILL SOON BE FREE. NOW MY BODY IS MINE... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- * (c) HoE publications & metalchick. HoE 108 - written by aproh - 6/11/97 *