______ ______ ______________ | | | | \ | \ / \ / ____ \ ______| | |________| | / \ | |____ | ________ | ( {} ) | _____) /~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | \____/ | |______ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ | |~~~~~~~ / \ / \ / | ~~~~~~~~~| | | | |______| |______| /_____________| | | | | | | | | Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | | | | | | | | "Who the Hell Are ya'?" | | | | | | | | | | | | By: The Hoe Shmoes | | | | | | \ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This particular Issue of HOE is disturbing. More than usual. You see, I sent out (some more than others) nagging letters to all the HOE writers asking them to produce an auto-biography of any size, shape, or style. The following is what I got back... raw and unedited (cause I'm lazy, not for any actual "mood of the writer effect"...just cause I'm lazy and can use this excuse... Oops). Anyhow, this doesn't include every HOE writer and this certainly isn't the solid 100% truth from any one of us. It's all Zany Hi-Jinx. Watch out! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-[ Mad Arab ]-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Ack, I'm finally writing this AutoBio for HoE, yeah I know, I'm a damn lazy fuck 'eh? Lemme see, I was born and raised on a farm, that's why I leave the door open all the time Mom! ;> I was always interested in computers, even before I received my "speedy" 386sx/20 for X-MaS. Back then I was just happy to fuck around in windows, just opening and closing them, moving things. Hell, I didn't even have to run a prog to have fun. But time led me on a path away from Mr. Gate$. I got the # for this small PD bbs from a friend at school and I was on my way running at a whopping 2400 baud! Slowly, but surely, I made my way up the BBS ladder, and I was soon the /<-RaD WaReZ d0od3 wanna be. I remember how pissed I was when a friend got chosen to be a courier over me, those were the DaZ ;> Seeing as I only had an 84 meg HD, the WaReZ /<0oLN3ss didn't last long and I was calling message boards where I found my love. Messages and info, which is what I still look for from a BBS. I'm a posting manic ;> Soon I found my way into the H/P scene from the main stream "wannabe's" to the underground doers. Which is where I still spend most of my online time, on the nice homely H/P boards. Well, one day, I met a friend with 3 fucking tapes full of shit, and he had like 30 virii, which I thought was _alot_! I grabbed them from him and started testing them on floppies after disabling my HD in the BIOS. I soon got my grubby hands on a copy of Immortal Riot #4 and called _every_ US BBS listed and got on the 2 that were still up, WCiVR and Illogikal Nonsense. This is where I acquired my love for virii that I have today. I continued with both Virii and Phreaking and became quite knowledgeable in both areas and began being asked to join groups, which I accepted. I never released a _lot_ of shit through of my past or current groups, I believe in quality not quantity. Back in my days of being a RaD PD dude, I was in love with the idea of being on the other side of the keyboard so to speak on BBS'es and run one of my own. As soon as I got my own fon line I threw up my BBS, Symphony oF Sickness, which it's still called to this day. The board has been through _many_ changes, I started out as a Sound/Programming BBS and then slid into HPA, and then virii. My mind doesn't like to stay in the same place for very long and my board follows my wandering mind, Welp, I know this A-Bio is rather dry, but alas, I was never one to talk about myself, I'm a very modest person, so with that, this is the short and quick compu-life of the Arab ;> January 30. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-[ Logik ]=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Legend: [Lance Boyl......LB] [Mother Logik....ML] [Jessica..........J] [Devon............D] "Today we have uncovered the answer to one of the most sought after questions in the universe. Who is Logik?" Doo doo doo doooo do, doo doo doo doooo do, doo doo doo doooo do do di do dop JOIN US!! LB: Welcome to National Geographic's "Who is Logik". I am your host Lance Boyl. For years people have admired the work of the great writer and philosopher Logik. All over the world professors and other theologians have studied his work and have loved it. However, there has always been a great mystery about him. That mystery is, who is he? Not once has he ever given a television interview or even had his picture published. Is Logik his real name? I feel that we all doubt that seriously. Well, today I have come to ease the world's mind. I, yes I, have discovered vital information about the hidden genius. With us today we have several people who are close to him, and after some subtle persuasion, they have agreed to tell us their story. First, we have his mother. LB: Mother Logik, tell us about your son. ML: Well, it all started one day. I had just gotten back from grocery shopping and I walked into the house to find his father naked as the day he was born. Obviously I was very pleased (we hadn't had sex in...) LB: Please, spare us the details Mother Logik. ML: Oh, I suppose you're right. LB: Yes.... ML: Anyhow, after some of what I like to call "Stuffing the Chicken" we realized that his father wasn't wearing a condom. So, nine months later little Logik was born. LB: So, Logik was a mistake? ML: Well, I don't like to say that. Let's just say he was..... uhm.... unexpected. LB: Okay, I guess we can say that. Anyhow, what did you think of your son? ML: He was always a quiet boy. He kept to himself a lot. He never seemed to want to talk to other people. I remember one time he walked around the house for about three days chanting, "I am the cheese, I am the cheese", like I said, he was a strange boy. LB: Yeah, he sounds like it. ML: Don't get me wrong, I loved him. Its just that every once in a while he'd scare me. LB: Why is that? ML: Have you ever seen a picture of him? LB: No, no one has. ML: Well, then you can't understand. LB: Why? What is so hideous about him that he scared you? Did he have a third eye that he got from some nuclear accident? Was he missing part of his face? Tell us, the world wants to know!! ML: He, well, uhm, he... LB: SAY IT DAMN IT!! ML: He was a punk rocker!! LB: Oh my god, I'm so sorry Mother. ML: Yes I know, and he had this weird love for polyester and Cheese Whiz. LB: So, did you try to whip him into shape? ML: I tried for a while, but he was just too wild LB: When did he leave home? ML: Well, I'm not sure he did. See, one day he came home from school and told me he was going to become a hermit. Then he went up to his room and that was the last I saw of him. LB: Is that when he began his adventures into Cyberspace? ML: I supposed. I never really asked him. I saw on the news how you can get those pornographic images over computers. I think that's why he was always in his room. But, I never wanted to say anything. What he does with his hands is his own business. LB: I'm sure all men are willing to agree with that. ML: In any case I never saw him after that. Though, every once in a while I would get a Email message from him at work. LB: Did they have any vital information? ML: No, they just told me off how he was having an affair with Stuart. LB: You mean he was gay? ML: No, Stuart is our dog LB: Oh... ML: Is there anything else you would like to know? LB: Do you know where he is now? ML: Well, Like I said, I think he is in his room. But you never know. LB: Okay, thank you. ML: You're welcome. LB: Now let's move on to his girlfriend, Jessica. J: Hello Lance. How are you? LB: I'm just fine . Now, how long have you been seeing Logik? J: About three months. LB: Really? So, what do you think about him. J: I think he's strange. LB: Anything else? J: Not really. LB: Okay, now lets' move on to a close friend of his Devon LB: Hello Devon D: Hello Lance. LB: So, tell us about Logik. D: Well, much like Jessica I think he is very strange. LB: Hmm.... interesting. Why do you think that? D: He just is. Anyone that thinks "Saturday Night Fever" is a movie classic can't be normal. LB: True.... so why do you think the world loves his work so much? D: I guess because it is true to itself. At times it is totally wacky, and at other times totally serious. Besides, if you ever see him in person he has a really nice butt. LB: Thank you for telling us that. I know we were all wondering. D: No problem. LB: Is there anything else? D: Uhmm...... nope. Well, gotta go anyway. I'm going to help Jessica kill her sister. LB: Why is that? D: If you ever meet Logik, ask him. LB: Well, nice meeting you . LB: Where does this leave us? Better yet, where is the infamous Logik? The world may never know. The only clues to his existence is in his writing and the accounts of the people we have just talked to. (Pause....) LB: So, formulate your theories. Create your misconceptions, or truths. For the world may never know who Logik really is. Then again, the world may never know if I have a penis. Still, this is just one more of the great mysteries of "Nation Geographic" Doo doo doo dooooo doo, doo doo doo dooooo doo, do di dope. JOIN US!!! *************************************************************** Guess if you can, do you know who I am?? hehehehehehehehe...... -Logik >>=- Quick shout-outs to the homie-Gz! -=<< Mogel: Love your writing. No, I love you man!!! Jessica: My one and only love (awwww... how sweet) Devon: Stop reading this and go get Paul!!! HOE: Never get normal.... go for the weird and the weirder. Image: Uhm... nothing really. Just want the publicity ReD: Love the work so far. I'm still working on my piece for ya. For anyone that thinks I'm strange: uhm... yep yep... that's right George **************************************************************** That's it..... live long in prosper. And remember, there are only two kinds of men in this world. Men that jerk off, and men that lie about it. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=[ The Chickenlord ]=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= The Chickenlord hails from NW Indiana, one of the biggest marketing areas for fast food chains nationwide. He is currently a junior in high school. Despite his high intelligence (I'm bragging), Chickenlord has no intention of using his brain for anything useful in the future. He lives for the moment, however much them moments may suck. The biggest of his future plans are attending Purdue Calumetn University, then possibly on to the Air Force to get a free pilot's licence. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-[ Black Francis ]=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Francis is suffering from major writers bloc brought on by the ever-so- high expectations of Mogel and his own k-rad writing group, ReD. So he asked me to help him out. Being the nice guy I am, I couldn't resist. To know this loveable little asshole is an honor, not to mention, he has his own car so I get rides all over the place and everything. Anyway, he's pretty much your average 17 year-old with cranberry hair, piercings, and tattoos. But even though he looks like he's tough, he's not. When he was a kid, he was scared by those things on Sesame Street that go "Yep yep yep" over and over again and have those big huge bottom lips. His pride and joy is a shirt that has a black dude with an afro on it that says "Soul Brother" in funky 70's bubble letters. It looks really cool under a black light. He is also the proud owner of many "disco inferno" t-shirts. While pounding away on the keys, and trying to keep his sanity while running his BBS, Sub-Culture, he listens to the likes of his favorite bands Pavement, Pixies, Frank Black, Velocity Girl, Catherine, Jane's Addiction, Primus, Tilt, Ween, and They Might Be Giants, which he saw in concert with the best looking girl in the school. His proudest achievement was when he won the Asshole of the Year award on some lame local board where the SysOp is a necrophiliac, but that's another story. Black Francis currently resides in Horsham, Pennsylvania and owes me twenty bucks. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-[ /<0rrUpT ]=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Well m0g3L told me to write this, so I suppose since I want to stay affiliated with HOE I feel somewhat obligated. Shucks. I am originally from the LA area in California, but am now living in a shitty town called OakHurst. It snows here and the fucking deer eat your marijuana plants. I am 35 years old, a virgin, and still live at home with my mommy. I go to church every other day, worship god-all-mighty, and have a band-aid holding my real thick glasses together. My height is 5'5, and I weigh around 530 lbs. I never take a shower or wash my hair and I eat spam all day. My only girlfriend I ever had died. I got kind of excited and while using her blow-up tube I accidentally bit and popped her. My average day consists of sitting in front of the computer letting the color drain from my face. I enjoy sitting around and watching the paint peel off the walls. I like fucking small barnyard animals and kidnapping and molesting little boys. My hobbies include going to the zoo, flashing my neihbors, and praising Jesus. Ok back to reality. . . Im 16 years old, dont molest little boys and dont go to church everyday ( I do like to fuck barn- animals tho ). Ive written about 200 PHiLeZ PHoR H03 BuT m0G3l SaiD THeY WeRN'T ]