=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Hipster Flare ------------- So I went shopping for jeans last night and it turned out to be one of the worst shopping experiences I have ever had. I have lost about 35 pounds, and all of the jeans I own, save one black pair, slide down my hips and make me look like one of those silly skaters with the butts of their pants hanging somewhere near their kneecaps. So, I decided it was high time I bought some jeans that fit - a present to myself, if you will. It was a terrible mistake. For years now I have purchased all of my jeans in the mens department. A glance through the jeans shelves told me that for some reason, men no longer come in my size - 27/29s. They came in my size last year, but apparently I am now too skinny and short to be a man. (Woah to the short, skinny man.) So I wandered over to the "8 - 20 year old" jeans in the little boys section, thinking that I might find something of value there, slightly disturbed that as a normal size 23 year old woman I had to look for jeans in the toddler section. Baggy. Loose fitting. A bizarre pair of jeans called "Student" that had legs that were as wide as - nay, wider - than the waist. I could not find, in the piles and piles of denim, anything that didn't look like something an out of work plumber or a 16th St. Mall homeless homegirl would wear. Even the "classic" jeans had wide legs and odd, sagged out asses. I was not to be deterred, however. I delved deeper, finally overjoyed to see something called "boot cut". I owned and loved a pair of boot cut jeans once - ever so slightly flared below the knee, perfect for sliding over my Doc Martens or riding boots, whichever was appropriate at the time. To my horror, these new boot cut jeans can only be described as bellbottoms. I threw them all down in disgust and walked to the teen/ young miss department, resigned to the fact that I would have to suffer with women's jeans. Women's jean designers must never wear their jeans. The high waists and strange pocket sizes make me (and women in general) look strangely out of proportion, with unusually wide asses. (Small, widely spaced pockets make butts look big. It's the way of the world.) But I figured, with my new slim size, that I could possibly find something that wouldn't make me look like an elephant and still be comfortable. I was horribly wrong. Hipster flare. Bellbottoms. More dreadful Student jeans. "Hard" jeans, which have an interesting color but a horrific shape. More boot cuts wearing the bellbottom shape, as if they were going to a masquerade. "Hi, I am really a nasty 70's style pair of denims, but I'll call myself boot cut to cause the frazzled shopper to scream in agony." Carpenter jeans. I had a pair of carpenter jeans once. They were the only things I could fit into when I was a fat teenager. I am just not gonna go there again. I finally found something called "Men's style jeans for Women." I snatched up a pair of 28/29's, thinking I could deal with something a little big in the waist to trade in for a lack of hipster flare, Hardness, or Student. Again, I was fooled. (Note: Men's jeans for woman do not have the size printed on the tag at the waist. It simply says, even for the largest size, S, presumably for "small." No wonder women have eating disorders. Jean designers insist that you be ashamed of your size, big or small.) In the dressing room I surveyed the fit in despair. Way too big in the legs. The back pockets were so wide in back I could SEE them in the front, crawling toward my hipbones like fat hands from a bad frat movie. Worse, the ass sagged, so I knew that they had been DESIGNED to look that way. I ripped them off in a frenzy, seized with the fear that never again would I be able to buy a simple pair of jeans. I left the store, annoyed. One of two things has happened. I am either too old to wear the "latest styles" or people have gone totally insane. I doubt that I am too old because I wear some pretty "hip" clothes to work and am perfectly fine with that. I have mountains of velvet and PVC and leather and satin, all of which I wear happily, not at all disturbed by the fact that I might be "too old" to wear them. So there is only one conclusion. Everyone has gone insane, and the average Gen X yuppie yearns to look like a homeless hipster wearing the latest, greatest, widest, hipster flares. demonika =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions = = Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = To receive new issues through mail, mail majordomo@attrition.org with = = "subscribe fuck". 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