=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= [ X ] ----- "get out of the garbage can, this is psychodrama, dammit! you are supposed to use this for healing!" i sat limply inside of a garbage can, forty hands pushing on my shoulders. i felt trapped, and i suddenly remembered other hands that held me down. tears sprang unbidden to my eyes. i did not want to rise. it was too easy, too comfortable to be here, held down, not in charge of my own destiny. the disease, i could blame it on the disease. day in day out. i took my meds like a good little psych patient, joked with the mental health workers, dutifully signed out my sharps. i did my homework in the allotted hour and snuck cigarettes in the bathroom. i only got caught once. my disease was a weight on my shoulders that i ignored. i sat in group and smiled while digging my fingernails into my hands. i wrote incessantly about blood. people watched me take a piss. there was no privacy. there was no touching. no human contact, no love. there was nothing but group and meals and the pure outpouring of raw emotion from 7 a.m. until 10 p.m. Blood was drawn, weight was written down, i went to therapy three times a week. pure monotony. but i learned some things. i learned that modern psychiatry is bullshit, and that mental hospitals are crap. nothing good comes out of it.. they put you in your own little world, a world that is NOT a microcosm of the real world, but rather a simulated, comfortable surreality that doesn't do shit to help you. they scar you. funny how it will grab me. i was walking down the street, and i saw a couple holding hands. i was filled with a sense of wrong, and a thought flashed through my mind. no pc allowed. i had to shake my head, remind myself that in the real world, people are allowed to touch each other. funny, treatment takes almost as long as it takes for your insurance to run out. greedy bastards... they fuck kids up for money, and they don't even help them. parents don't know this, but the kids who have no privacy and are treated like animals do. so i sit here and write, and i am doing a thousand things that i would not be allowed to do in a psych ward. i ask, why? why couldn't i smoke? drink coffee? watch a movie that has violence in it? swear? these things happen in the real world, and nothing they do in this places helps you deal with it, much less the things that threw you in there. how can i deal with being beaten by my lover if i am not allowed to see a violent movie because it might hurt my tender money producing sensibilities? demonika =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions = = Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with = = "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back = = issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK = = FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids = = FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK = = FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK = = WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho = = http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=