=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Can't Fight the Seether ----------------------- Blood curdling madness. Then helplessness. Then revenge. That's my thesis. Sitting in class, feet up on the desk...letting my mind seethe. Thoughts keep drifting back to my own private madness. Every time I get to thinking about it, my anger is refreshed. I sit there just staring off into space, occasionally crash-landing back into reality, and tuning out and seeing red again. OK, you're wondering what the hell I'm so pissed about. Well this file began as a result of someone invading my privacy. By "invasion of privacy," I mean that my eMails are being read and my files are disappearing, then reappearing. Also, my password happens to come up as invalid at irregular intervals. At first I thought my ISP was to blame. I don't know what I think of this. Half of me is impressed. Impressed that anyone would bother taking the time to annoy me. Impressed that my account has been haxored. A silly thing to be impressed with, yes, but...I was. The other half of me was m a d. Mad because I could not dial-up, check the mail, play in unix, or practice writing and compiling more c0des (I'm learning C++; that is equivalent to another women driver). It was taking my baby from me. But I was stung most by the fact that mail I sent was no longer private. Excerpts from letters I wrote could be stolen and show up anywhere. Things I said could be twisted around and come back to haunt me. The main thing I phear about having my mail read is somebody might figure me out after reading them. I am stubborn about giving people the chance to get to know "the real me." Recently, someone said: "It is very difficult to sort through all the layers of reality that aren't really reality to get to the real Skinflower. And you never know when you're at the center of the Tootsie Roll Pop. Each layer of reality looks just as real as the last. And they are all so very unreal." I thought it was a great analogy; comparing me to a Tootsie Roll Pop, heh. I should just shut up about it, since seemingly harmless pranks like these are expected from the g33ks in the scene. But I'm femme, and I won't shut up. My initial reaction was fear. Don't ask why - I thought I had eliminated that emotion ("i'm baaack..."). My heart pounded momentarily. But only momentarily; the next minute I wanted to choke something. My dog was nearest so I choked her (just kidding, just kidding!). My mind was racing though. Damn it, I was in a position where I couldn't do anything. Hmmm...I don't think I am too good at expressing my thoughts. I listen to music pretty much most of the day. Sitting at the computer most of my life (or so it seems), with a plethora of industrial bands pounding their music inside me. So, to better express myself, I can say I thought screeching keyboards and the beat of a drum machine looping at 10,000 beats per second ("kill kill kill"). A couple days and a hundred rejected ideas later, I have resigned to the fact that somebody was able to ruffle my feathers (er, petals). :) I'm much more subdued about the situation, but it is nowhere near forgotten. I've almost gotten over the initial rage; I can joke sarcastically about it. With my wry smile and icy eyes, I find comfort in pushing myself along at maximum speed towards my goal: revenge. I always get revenge. Sometimes the opportunity falls into my lap, other times I have to play it like a chess game ("time to pay the piper..."). I don't put up with any kind of shit. So I'm biding my time thinking skippy little bass beats and ambient guitar. But my mind never sleeps, and, snakelike, I will strike when I know I have a dead-sure shot. I am not all-consumed with revenge; I have a life to live and will go on with it full force. But what goes around comes around baby...... - SkiNFloweR =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions = = Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with = = "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back = = issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK = = FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids = = FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck = = FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck = = FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK = = ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU/pub/Zines/FUCK = = Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho = = http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=