þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ þþþ CYBER_PHUCK MAGAZINE ISSUE FIVE þþþ þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ This is issue FIVE of CYBER_PHUCK Magazine. I hope you enjoy it. 1. How Wine Is Made And How To Make Your Own! 2. How To Sucker Punch Somebody And Get Away With It. 3. How To Make Cookies and Other Baked Goods Out of WORMS! þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ How Wine is Made and How To Make Your own Damage Inc. Cyber BBS 513-863-0447 Red wine is made from Red Purple and Blue grapes. White wine is made from green grapes. Wine can be made from any sugary fruit, honey, or sugar water (kool aid). The grapes are picked by illegal immigrants. They are put in giant hoppers and smashed. Red grapes are smashed into juice with a lot of the pulp and stems still floating in it. White grapes are smashed and the pulp and stems are strained away so the wine will be clearer. The stems and seeds and skins from red grapes give red wines it's woody and bitter taste. Storing wine in wooden barrels also ads to it's woody taste. The juice is pastuerized. This kills naturally occuring yeast but also kills bacteria. In ancient times, the naturally occuring yeast on the grape skins provided the yeast that caused it to ferment, but sometimes bacteria (also on the skins etc) got into the wine. Bacteria in the wine will make it taste like vinegar YECH!. Pasturizing is a technique invented by Louis (louie) Pasture who discoved that quickly passing the fresh juice over hot metal plates killed the vinegar bacteria. After the juice cools, special super-duper wine yeasts are added. Different yeast give different tastes to wines. Some yeast work better at different temperatures than others. Some yeasts can survive in wine with higher alcohol levels before the alcohol kills the yeast. Champagne yeast can stand very high alcohol levels but tastes nasty. The juice bubbles when it's fermenting and gives off C-O2. This gas will explode if you let it build up. Special traps are used to vent the wine by allowing gas to escape the fermentaton chambers but not allowing dusty bacteria laced air to enter the fermentation vessles. The yeast bacteria or mold or whatever they are, eat sugar and shit alcohol. When the sugar runs out, or the alcohol levels get too high and kill the yeast. Fermentation stops. Fermentation is measured with a Hydrometer. A hydrometer is a glass tube sealed on both ends that floats in wine. It looks like a big ass rectal thermometer for a horse but doesn't have anything inside it but a paper with numbers on it. The hydromter floats in the juice. When the sugar is convereted into alchohol, the "specific gravity" of the juice/wine changes. Basically the surface tension of the wine/juice changes so that the hydrometer floats deeper or less deep in the juice depending on the ratios of sugar to alcohol in the wine. Sweet wines have so much sugar in the juice that it didn't get all converted into alcohol before the yeast quit working because the alcohol level killed the yeast. Sweet wines are good dessert wines or non-grape fruit wines. Dry wines had just enough sugar in them to produce about 12 % alcohol before the yeast quit working because there was no sugar left to convert into alcohol. Dry wines are good for dinner wines. Red wines are good with spicey food, and white wines are good with other foods. The wines are stored in giant tanks and wooden barrels. White oak is the wood of choice for storing wines. It ads a wood taste to the wine and which is known as "tannic acid". Storage in giant tanks and barrels also allow the sediment in wine to sink to the bottom or float on the top so that only the most clear wine can be taking out from the barrels for longer storage and bottling. WINE TASTING. Wine tasting is fun and educational. Be aware that if they are trying to sell you cheap bad wine, that they will serve cheese with the wine. If the wine is excellent killer shit, they will serve bread with it. Cheese covers the taste of wine, while bread compliments it. ************************************************************************* OPENING WINE BOTTLES. Most good wines have corks. However some good Italian dinner wines are screw top so don't be fooled thinking they're not good. Corkscrews are a bitch and you need a really fancy one to keep from destroying the cork and having it fall into the wine. The BEST cork remover isn't a cork screw at all! For about 2 or 3 $ you can get a really good cork remover that works great and impresses your friends. They have a handle on top, and two flat pieces of metal that slide down along side opposide sides of the cork and then you twist the cork out real neat like. ************ ************ | | | | actual size | | | | <----------knife flat metal things | | push into wine bottle with | | a rocking motion SLOWLY. The prongs should be kept clean and slippery. Clean them with a metal pad so they are slick! 1. Clean the knife like prongs on the thing with a green scrub pad so that they're spotless and slippery. 2. SLOWLY ease the prongs into the bottle lightly rocking the tool back and forth, pushing one probe then the other then the other then the other back and forth deeper and deeper into the bottle along the cork. 3. Then TWIST and pull at the same time. 4. Right before the cork is all the way out, hold the prongs with your finger so they don't chip the bottle when the ends of them come out. *********************************************************************** The best way to learn about good wines is to ask to try different ones from different countries and tell them you don't want to spend more than 10$ a bottle. If they know this you'll end up with some costing between 8 and 12 bucks a bottle. Go to a shop that specializes in wines. If they try to tell you to buy anything more than 12 bucks, please tell them to stick a cork screw up their ass. ******************** IF YOU WANT TO MAKE YOUR OWN WINE. Go to a shop that specializes in that. You can improvize a lot of equipment though so the first thing you should do is look at a number of books. For each batch of wine, you should use a recipe. You'll need to buy yeast from a supplier. Espernay or MountRachet is good yeast. Champagne yeast tastes like shit. Bread yeast from the grocery will ruin your wine. Try making wine out of juices from the grocery, and yeasts from a wine making shop. Sweet wines are fun to make. Cherry and cranberry juice makes some fun wines. You don't have to age wines like this and if you drink some of the wine before it's fully fermented it's kind of fizzy and contains TONS of B vitamins and is happier tasting than ANY you can buy. A hydrometer is good to have, and a thermometer is good to have but not as necessary. Don't go crazy trying to figure out the hydrometer. Keep it fun, and learn to use your taste to make wine. Large plastic 5 gallon jugs are the best with special taps near the bottoms so you can let the sediments settle and tap the wine just above that. If you have a lot of wine fermented already, you can stick the whole container in the freezer and stir it every half hour or so until it's frozen into a slush. Then strain or drain the fluid part off leaving the ice behind. The liquid you drain off will contain a LOT more alcohol than the original stuff. This is how apple jack is made from apple wine. þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ How To Sucker Punch Somebody Cyber BBS 513-863-0447 Damage Inc. *********************************************************************** CAUTION! SOME OF THE FOLLOWING TECHNIQUES CAN CAUSE DEATH AND PERMANENT INJURY IF PROPERLY CARRIED-OUT. If you use the following technique on anybody, Damage Inc is not responsible. Remember that Jeffrey Dahmer was a very good killer and openly admitted his guilt, while O.J. Simpson didn't have the balls to admit to his deeds. These techniques should only be used when you are faced with fear of loosing your life or fear of loss of life or limb of somebody in your family. *********************************************************************** 1. State of mind is important in the sucker punch more than any other detail. The blow to the opponent (who will be refered to as "victim" from now on) must be a complete surprise to achive maximum effect. Rules and principles of psychology, misdirection, and being a tricky unpredictable bastard apply. 2. The Elbow: The Elbow is your most powerful weapon. The elbow should be bent and the blow executed from behind the victim solidly again his head between the ear and the eye. This also works is the person is standing aside you. A good technique is to ask the victim permission to talk to them aside from other people or in a different area. Asking their permission makes them feel like they're dominant. As soon as they think they're in charge and turn to walk with you, bash them hard and repeatedly. When they hit the ground you may choose to kick them in the back. The spinal area is the most effective area to apply blows to. The human body is designed to greet violent blows from the front. Avoid hitting anybody from their front. 3. When you make solid contact with the elbow blow, or any blow, continue to keep hitting again and again and again. Do not permit them a chance to fight back because they're likely to be really pissed off. The initial blow to the side of the head injures the ear, the vision, the balance and sometimes the ability of the colon and blatter to hold waste. It is likely to cause unconsciousness and serious damage. 4. Maintain Balance at all times. Do not bend over. Keep your feet spread wide. Boots are a great weapon in a fight, probably of a great advantage than a knife. 5. Speed is your greatest friend. After a blow the victim is off balance for a undetermined amount of time. And so are his friends. The quicker you put him down the quicker you can defend yourself. 6. The sucker punch should always be directed and completed against the victims head, for maximum success and quick and complete knock down. You should kill or incapacitate the victim before their body has a chance to go into an automatic fighting mode, when they might not feel pain as readily. 7. Leave the area quickly. If you feel that the police will become involved ALWAYS contact a lawyer before speaking or going to the police. Do not go to your home. Police are stupid and will probably want to book you for murder even though it was clearly self defense. The sucker punch as self defence is much better defense than if you kill or injury with any weapon especially a gun or knife. If you have any of these, guns or knives, dispose of them and NEVER acknowledge ownership of any such device. A deep river or lake is an ideal disposal area. Tell the police (WITH YOUR LAWYER PRESENT) that you remember feeling that you were going to loose your life, and then you don't remember anything after that. Fear causes more loose of memory than anger. 8. PEE YOUR PANTS! If police ask why you were mad, tell them you NOT MAD AND THAT YOU WERE SO SCARED THAT YOU PISSED YOUR PANTS. Angry people don't piss their pants but scared people do. Pee your pants before the police get to you. They play the game every day are have the advantge so you have to mainpulate things some yourself. When the police search your room for weapons and drugs and stuff, it will help if they find soiled clothing on the bed in a plastic bag where they can't miss it. And the plastic bag will make it easy for them to take it as evidence without being repulsed so much that they just leave it. 8. PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!!! Consider what will happen if they duck at the last moment. A broken glass bottle is a better weapon than a knife. A stun gun is a defense weapon unlike a handgun. If you hold a knife or glass bottle in a fight,, do NOT hold it like in the movies. Hold it in your fist with the blade pointed DOWN, as if you were going to stick the knife in a table. This is much better for fighting than holding it like a girl in a movie. A kick won't dislodge it and any blows against your opponent will cut the shit out of them. 9. Remember that the only defense is "self defense" and if you pee your pants it indicates fear, while the police, the judge, the jury and everybody has tons of expereience in making you look guilty even though you aren't. It's like when rape victims go to trial and end up being on trial. You make feel silly with soiled pants, but you'd look sillier getting fucked in the ass in prison just because you didn't want to die at the hands of some psycho. 10. If you in a place where an altercation takes place. Be prepared to ask yourself, "what were you doing there". þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ How to make bread and cookies out of worms. DAMAGE INC! Cyber BBS 513-863-0447 1. GET SOME WORMS, regular ones work good. You can raise them in old cardboard and dirt. Of you can run electricity through wet dirt and they come a crawling out. 2. WASH THEM OFF with lots of water in a strainer in the sink. 3. BAKE AT 350f in a shallow pan until they are crispy but not burned. 4. GRIND IN A BLENDER. Add yeast and baking powder making bread just like with regular flour except your flour is made from dried and ground-up worms. Yummy! 5. -OR- Using a COOKIE RECIPE and the worm flour as a substitute for regular wheat flour makes some good cookies too! 6. Take your worm baked goods to school or work and tell all the people you hate, that you're on a diet but you love to cook. This stuff is supposed to be as good or better for folks than wheat flour. Some good dips can be made from pet food, but we'll go into that in the next issue. (name of author not given for odvious reasons!) þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ I hope you enjoyed issue five of CYBER_PHUCK Magazine. If you have questions, comments, suggestions, contributions -monitary or literary- send 'em to the head chef at tline@iglou.com or call the Cyber BBS at 513-863-0447. Happy Christmas to you. Tom Line Head Chef Damage Inc Ohio tline@iglou.com cyber bbs 513-863-0447 USA