þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ þþþ ISSUE 1 þþþ þþþ CYBER_PHUCK MAGAZINE þþþ þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ This is issue one of Cyber Phuck Magazine from DAMAGE INC of Ohio 1. HOW TO SMOKE A PIPE (crash course in tobacco pipe smoking) 2. HOW TO ENJOY A GOOD CIGAR (for real men {and women} ONLY) 3. HOW TO GROW KILLER CANNABIS (crash course in growing killer reefer) In case you didn't grasp it at first, this first issue is dedicated to all those brave souls who have died of lung cancer. þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ HOW TO SMOKE A PIPE Head Chef Damage Inc. Ohio Cyber BBS 513-863-0447 So you want to smoke a pipe. Here's some basic information to get you started without looking stupid or getting ripped-off in the process. Select a decent pipe. You can spend billions of dollars on pipes. I suggest you try an inexpensive pipe to start with, and wait a while on buying Merchaum pipes and mershaum lined bowls. Best first pipe. Buy a simple pipe, the most traditional looking pipe you can find. If you drive down the street smoking a Sherlock Holmes pipe you're going to look pretty silly. Pipes that have filters are really just frills. If the store can't sell you a half-way decent looking respectable pipe for under 12 bucks, go someplace else. Look for a pipe like an old man would smoke. Old men know pipes. Later on, if you want something better, look for a Merchaum lined pipe. It looks like a regular pipe, but the bowl is lined with white ceramic stuff. Good merchaum comes from Africa. It's some type of hard clay. If you want the ultimate, you can find some really wild pipes carved entirely from mershaum with some wild figureines and monsters carved into them. Corn cob pipes burn though. Get the most ordinary looking tobacco pipe for your first pipe. Best pipe lighter. Despite advertisers claims, the best pipe lighter is a simple disposable gas lighter. Zippo's don't work good at all for pipes and smell and leak. Zippo's modified for pipes are okay, but they get hot since you need to light a pipe more than a cigarette and have a tendency to continue to burn while they're in your pocket. Just a simple Bic or other disposable gas lighter is really the best. Fancy lighters that require refilling are junk, and although they look cool, they rarely last more than 3 days before they break. Matches make a mess and will irritate your throat even though you don't want to inhale a pipe ever! Best Ash Tray A big one. When you smoke a pipe, a small amount of tobacco is always wasted and gets dumped into the ash try. Best Tobacco dealers Here's the most valuable advice in this text. The tinder box sells old shitty tobacco that has God knows what in it. The stuff they sell at the drug store on supermarket has all the quality of smoking the sunday funny papers. Tinder box tobacco looks like a tobacco chewing baseball team, ate tobacco, and shit it out, and then sold it to the tinder box. Then they wiped their ass with the sunday funnies and sold that to the grocery and drug stores as tobacco. The best place to buy tobacco is from a speciality tobacco dealer that is not part of a chain. They are called "Tobacconists", and you can find them in the yellow pages. Avoid malls, although there are good tobacconists at some malls. There are 3 basic types of tobacco and thousand of blends. Pipe tobacco is made from Burley tobacco. Cigarettes are made from blonde or Virginia tobacco. These are the basic kinds you should know about. The naming of blends makes it all confusing. Don't be confused. This is the strait stuff you need to ask for. 1. Burley flavored with Cherry. This SMELLS the best when it burns. 2. Burley flavored with Vanilla. This TASTES the best when it burns. 3. Cabendish or English tobacco. This stuff is black. Unlike Burley tobaccos which are a brown color, Cabendish looks like it's been in a smoker for a couple weeks black and smells like burnt coals. Has a unique taste, but gives me a headache. You should try this one though because it's a historic tobacco you might enjoy. There are THOUSANDs of variations mixtures and blends of these basic types of tobaccos. Apple, and other flavors are very common and interesting also but always buy from a reputable specialty tobacconist. Best Experimental Selection. Ask for a very small amount of the following to get a really good idea or what you like or don't like. 1) packet of plain burley with a slight vanilla flavor 2) packet of plain burley with a slight cherry flavor 3) packet of a mixture of cherry/vanilla burley 4) packet of a mixture containing some cabendish (black-english) ask them for a suggestion of what's good too unless they are a cigarette smoker since they can't smell or taste anything anyway. Best place to enjoy smoking a pipe Fill the bowl full and compress the tobacco lightly. You don't need any fancy tools either. A pen knife sometimes helps loosen the unsmoked bowl left over from last night. A properly packed bowl when it's been smoked up, can be emptied by tapping the bowl on something several times. If the unsmoked tobacco comes out immediately, it's packed too loose, and if it requires a tool to remove, it's packed too tight. Never inhale pipe tobacco. The life you save may be your own. Be aware though that all that tobacco going up in smoke right next to your face, will definitely give you a pretty decent buzz. The proper mental state is somewhere between a light buzz and nausea. Never hold the bowl higher than your lips. The tobacco spit might find its way back into your mouth. UCK! Smoking outside at night is the most relaxing for me anyway. This way you can spit if you feel like it and the smoke looks cool as it curls away and doesn't smell up the room. Tobacco Pouches Special pouches are a waste of money. Like the invention of the disposable lighter, the invention of the zip lock bag has made all other containers obsolete. When you seal a zip lock bag for the first time, with your teeth, make tiny tears in the sides of the bag near the zip lock. This will allow you to force the air out of the bag when you seal it. Make your room or car smell good Leave a bag of cherry tobacco in your living room, automobile etc. Even in the zip lock baggie (tear the edges so you can force the air out). It will make it smell really good. When you walk into a home of a pipe smoker, it's the unsmoked tobacco that gives that wonderful aroma, not the actual smoking. SMOKE IF YOU GOT 'EM. Enjoy. Head Chef Damage Inc. Ohio 1994 cyber bbs 513-863-0447 þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ HOW TO ENJOY A GOOD CIGAR Head Chef Damage Inc Ohio cyber bbs 513-863-0447 ********* How to enjoy a cigar for real men and women only!********** Learn about cigars! Buy cigars ONLY that are kept in a PROPERLY MAINTAINED Humidor. Don't bet that the Tinder Box at your mall knows shit about cigars even though they have a humidor. Try a small Upman cigar from a place like that first. They move more small cigars like that. Never trust a cigar salesman at a mall unless they have a real severe spanish accent. Look for REAL tobacconists in your yellow pages, not the mall. In Cuba where the best tobacco's are grown for cigars, it is very warm, breezy and humid. Real cuban tobacco hasn't been legally imported into the U.S. since before the Cuban Missle Crisis. Cuban tobacco is good because of the soil and climate. Tobacco grown from "Cuban Seed" appears in ad's but doesn't mean shit in reality. You can drive into Canada and buy Cuban cigars but they're expensive. Drug store cigars contain wood chips and old newspaper and don't qualify as anything but recycling. The 70,70 Rule: 70 Degrees, 70 % relative humidity is ideal for storing cigars. If your cigars get dry, hard to the touch. Put a small amount of water in the bottom of a tall jar, and put your cigars in the jar and put the lid on and leave them for several hours. A smokable cigar should be pliable to the touch, not hard and dry. Don't let water hit your cigars, humid air around them is the key. Put a piece of a sponge in the jar with a few drops of water on it to maintain the humidity. You get the idea anyway. The best humidors are made of cedar. A cedar box with a sponge thing in the top works good to keep your cigars enjoyable. Try using whiskey or other hard liquor as the liquid in your home humidor sometime. Old dry cigars can sometimes be restored to smokable condition by storing them in a humidor for several hours or days. ************** How to light a cigar: Unwrap the plastic from the cigar, remove the label unless you are a "wanna be", or if it's too tight to remove. Feel the cigar. The leaf wrapper should have a certain rubbery quality. Smell it if you want, then put it to your ear and listen, it it's a truly fine cigar, you may hear the violent rantings of a Central American dictator. If you hear Fidel Castro himself, you definitely got a good one! If it's feels crispy and dry, leave it in a humidor or you will waste it by smoking it because it will be too hot and not enjoyable. Grint your teeth, (like Clint Eastwood, or like a F14 pilot getting shot off a carrier), and while gently pressing the cigar against your teeth, NOT your lips... firmly bite the least little bit of the tip off, and SPIT IT OUT! Spitting it out is VERY important and should be done with the utmost enthusiam to show respect for the spanish person who hand made-the cigar. Real men spit, aggresively and with dry passion. AND TOWARDS THE GROUND! Tilt back your head very slightly to keep the smoke out of the eyes and light the end SLOWLY, turning it ever so slightly to ensure EVEN slow start. Feel free to spit, and SLOWLY puff. DO NOT INHALE! Don't try to knock the ashes off by tapping it like a cigarette. Slowly roll the end on the edge of an ash tray. My tobacconist has a Fuente cigar for 90 cents that I really enjoy. It's not a cuban, but it's a damn decent cigar. It would probably cost 3.00 at the tinder box and they would call it one of their best I'm sure. I hope the Tinder box isn't owned by a guy named Sal, or Vinnie! But they should be ashamed. Okay everybody SPIT! þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ HOW TO GROW PRIMO SENSIMILLION BY The Folically Challenged White Dude at Damage Incorporated Get Started Get some pot seeds. If you haven't started now get too it. Lots of people save their pot seeds on a tray they stole from a cafeteria or a frisbee of course. No need to pay them for them. Tell them they are for a friend. People get busted because they tell a friend in strict confidence, who tells a friend in strict confidence etc etc. Pot Seeds You cannot judge a pot seed by it's cover. Squeeze a seed gently and if it breaks, it was harvested before the seeds matured. Get as large of a variety of seeds as possible. Seeds from dirt weed look sometimes just like the seeds of primo killer mo-jo weed, so get a large variety of seeds. Try not to mix them together. Lots of time people will save seeds from especially killer weed. Just get them already. Get Some Containers to Start the Seeds in. When you buy small flowers to plant outdoors at a garden store, save the 6-pack plastic trays they come it. Perferrably with the plastic tray still underneath. Tell the neighbors who ask that you're going to start some pepper plants or something if you bum off others. Another excellent container is the 2 liter bottle with cut in half at the waist. These are free, a good way to recycle, and work well even for large plants. You can get tons on recycling day if your city recycles, or you can go to an apartment complex and raid the dumpsters. Don't jump in one though because it may be full of bees, body parts, baby shit, or diabetic hypodermic needles from a gay nazi elvis fan who has aids. Get some dirt. Get a large bag of top soil (not potting soil from Kmart). Get top soil at like a farm store the first time. Hyponex is shitty and overpriced and it turns into mud too easily. You want soil with balls. Use Bagged commercial soil for starting seeds. Wild dirt (from outside your house) is bad because it has bugs in it. Weed is very pest resistant and you will never have to spray chemicals on weed to protect it from pests other than maybe soap and water to rinse a few bugs off sometime. However, very young seedlings are VERY fragile. The worst enemy of seedlings is those little bugs that roll into a ball when you touch them. They are harmless to plants, probably beneficial to healthy plants, but they will bite the base of a seedling and topple it over like a little DEA lumber jack. Very bad. Get a big bag of soil from a garden store or farm market. NOT hyponex MUD. Drainage It's better if you allow SOME drainage from your seed starting containers. If you use 2 liter bottles cut in half at the waist, poke a hole in the bottom of each container by STABBING it violently with a sharp screw driver. A screw driver with the tip ground into a sharp point works great! If you use the regular seed starter things try using very small holes in the bottom tray which may already be there. Sprinkle in the dirt gently. Fill the seed starter containers with dirt, very gently, by sprinkling the dirt into the pots or seed starter things by holding you hand over top of the container and gently letting the dirt fall slowly and evenly into place. No need to pack the dirt, but you should sprinkle the dirt in such a way to break up any dirt clods or clumps before letting them fall into the containers. Don't fill them completely. Make holes for the seeds. Use a pencil. Perferabbly a number two pencil that says "Property Of The Federal Government" or a regular one if you can't get on of those. Poke a small hole into the soil in each seed container, maybe three holes if you are using 2 liter bottles. Make each hold no deeper than than an inch. A good way is to use a sharp pencil, and poke it into the soil until the soil is even with the place where the raw sharp wood ends and the yellow paint begins, which is about an inch. No rocket science required here. Drop in the seeds. Drop one, (if it's for sure killer diller shit) two or three seeds into each hole. Make sure your hands are dry first. A folded piece of paper may help if you have a ton of seeds to plant, letting the seeds roll down like a chute. If you miss don't panic. Cover the seeds. Again with the dirt, sprinkle a final thin covering of fine soil (no giant clods or turds this time please) over the entire thing so the dirt looks even and you can't see any of the seeds. Water them before putting on the covers. Water them good, but don't have them floating either. You want sufficient humidity but you don't want them to drown either. A even sprinkle with a watering can works great, an atomizer will take all fucking day. Put on the covers. Cover the seed starting kit with it's hard plastic cover. You may poke a few holes in the cover if you want so you can sprinkle water on top later and have water slowly drip down inside. If using two liters cut in half at the waist, cover them with saran wrap and put a piece of masking tape around to hold it down tight. Poke two or three small holes in the plastic with your magic pencil thing. So you can water them later without removing the plastic. Where do you set them. In the sun or partial sun is best, under a flouresent light is good too. Regular incandescent light (bulbs) is too fucking hot. AND ON THE DIRT, OR A TRAY TO CATCH THE DRIPPING WATER of course. Do NOT let them dry out. (if they're too wet mold will form) Get some good lights. High Pressure sodium lights, or metal halide lights work great. Try a 400watt or smaller high pressure sodium or metal halide lighting setup. You can order them from mail order companies cheaper than you can buy them at the downtown electrical supply house. In a pinch, you can line a closet size area with tin foil and stand as many AND AS LONG (long is better) flourescent fixtures everywhere you can. People that grow primo pot indoors use High Pressure Sodium lights, which are those street lights that are orange in color. Or Metal Halide which a few bucks cheaper but just as good probably. Metal Halide lights are white in color but better qulity light than the average street light. Get a light that's 400 watts or less. Use care in constructing a grow room and you would do good to consult good books on the subject by Ed Rosenthal (books by phone berkeley california, call 1-800-infromation operator to get the Books by phone address etc.) Never use regular incandescent light bulbs (regular screw in) those little screw in grow lights they sell at Kmart suck too. Don't waste your money, use flourescents if you can't afford the good stuff. Air ventilation Get a small cheap fan so you always have a small amount of air circulating in your grow area. Air ventilation, safety and other stuff. If you grow indoors with big lights, you need safe air ventilation to suck heat out of the room. Don't blow up your house for christs sake. A thermostat controlled exhaust fan will work. Get one thrrough the mail from a indoor gardening mail order speciality place. There's a good one that's in East Lansing michican, another one in Shepherdsville Kentucky. Light timers. Get ones big enough to handle the power you are using. For growing plants, leave the lights on 24 hours a day. For flowering plants YES! use a timer so it's dark 12 hours and light for 12 hours. Fertilizer Use Rapid-Gro Fertilizer has 3 numbers on the label First number - Middle Number - last number For strong healthy growth when the lights are on 24 hours a day to see how big the plants can get, use a fertilizer with a high first number. 19-19-19 is good. etc. For strong flowers (buds) when the lights are on 12 and off 12 hours, use a fertilizer with a high MIDDLE number. 12-17-12 something like that. Rapid-gro fertilizer has been specially formulated for growing pot plants. This is no secret to pot farmers. They're high middle number fertilizer is called. Bud builders or something like that. Security Need to know basis. People who are stoned always tell their friends about their buddies grow room including location and everything. This is way pot growers are so fucking paranoid, they can't even trust themselves. Don't kill anybody I guess is the rule to follow. If you're a hillbillly ignoramous you probably wouldn't be able to read this though. When to fertilize. Try using regular water one watering and fertilized water the next one. Mix fertilzed water with one giant tablespoon per gallon (milk jug) of water. Water when the soil is dry and begins to crack slightly. Water more when starting small plants. Get them as big as possible. When they start to grow you may have to move them to bigger containers. However you can grow pot using fertilizer in surprising small containers, although they may get a little top heavy after a while. A can of house paint would be an ideal container size. Don't use metal containers though. Wait until they are root bound before transplanting. Avoid transplanting seedlings because they are VERY VERY fragile. Let the plants grow as big as possible giving them as much light as possible. Grow as many as possible. Tell them to BUD YES YES! When you have tons of plants growing like a fucking vietnamese jungle, it's time to bud them. Keep a watch out for buds even before you take them off 24 hours of light and put them on 12/12 light/dark. When you're ready to start buds, the big giant leaves will have started to turn brown and falling off a little bit. Now is the time to put the light timers on 12/12 light/dark and begin to use a high middle number fertilizer. When giant leaves begin to fall off help them off. Save these "sun" leaves to smoke with your drunken buddies. A few days after you adjust the lights to 12/12 and the fertilizer to high middle number, they will start to bud. You are now ready to murder half of your plants. Kill the males. When you notice any plant develop male reproductive organs, cut it down by cutting the trunk at the base with big wire cutters. DO NOT shake the plant, make one clean cut and remove it gently and put it in the bottom of a distant closet on newspapers or something to dry out. Male sex organs on male plants are like little tiny bags that contain polen (plant sperm) that is carried by the winds when the male sex organs get mature or dry out. Carefully check the plants daily. Half the plants will be female. When you think it's time to harvest (don't ask how long, they will tell you) begin with the less beautiful females. Females have beautiful white flowers. Let the healthiest most killer looking females grow as long as possible and harvest VERY slowly starting with the less healthy less big budded females. Short Squat females are best for indoors. Tall is hard to manage. Pot plants range in height from 2 feet (hybrids and central asian) to like 18 feet for good mexican weed. Save a few of the best females for your personal stash. Clip only one healthy bud at a time. Cut the bud up with sizzors and lay it in the bottom of a clean wooden dresser drawer to dry. If you find a seed in your weed PLANT IT! Pretty soon people will come over all the time to bum weed. Kill them if possible. When you run out you will learn who your real friends are. This is for information purposes only (or course) þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ Hey I hope you enjoyed issue one of CYBER_PHUCK Magazine. If you have contributions, questions, comments, or suggestions, or just an insane desire to communicate, I can be reached at the Cyber BBS 513-863-0447 or email at tline@iac.net (no junk mail please!). Head Chef Editor Cyber_Phuck Magazine Damage Inc Ohio See you in space.