The Facts About ANUS by Captain Crapp The American Nihilist Underground Society is an organization that applies the philosophy of nihilism to the Houston modem arena. Since most of Houston's boards and users are completely worthless and cause prolonged and violent vomiting on contact, ANUS was formed one night in an alcoholic haze by myself and two other resourceful individuals to combat this growing trend of mediocrity in modeming. ANUS recognizes the following facts about modeming and laws: (1) There is no basis for knowledge or truth over phone lines. Nor is there any application of the rights guaranteed in the first ten amendments to the U.S. Constitution. Also, most Houston sysops wouldn't recognize the truth or a truthful user if one came up and bit them on the ass. Many of them participate in active disinformation campaigns, and fabricate stories to keep their users in a near-catatonic state of blind acceptance. Doubtless Big Brother would have had a Tequila Festival over this situation. (2) Nihilism also calls for a rejection of customary beliefs. ANUS rejects the following beliefs: (a) you can judge a user as bad/good beforehand on basis of age, race or religious beliefs, (b) any user with an open mind is an evil user, (c) Southwestern Bell is our friend, (d) obscenity is evil, (e) anyone who listens to music with distortion or isn't a Southern Baptist Lobotomite (SBL) is also evil, (f) having a penis is a bad thing. ANUS also unilaterally rejects the idea that another GBBS board is a good thing to have around. (3) Currently, there is no purpose or direction at all to having and using a modem in Houston, especially if you call any Apple boards. Sysops are either just idiots, or too restrictive or too paranoid. ANUS is aiming to change this, but currently we have a few suggestions for "responsible modem use": (a) doorstop, (b) micro-waveable plate, (c) nightime bedwarmer, (d) portable sperm bank, (e) frame it and hang it in the bathroom, and (f) have a good game of frisbee with it. In the grand tradition of nihilists past, ANUS believes in the use of any means possible to obtain objectives, whether considered moral and right by Houston's sysops or not. Basically, since most of these people have nothing to say, there is no point in listening to them. ANUS would also like to make another point - the definition of a munchkin, or "munchie" as used in local slang. See also "m0e." munchie, n, (muunchee) - a user who consistently attempts harm, ill will or stupidity on a bulletin board system. These people are usually inexperienced, but occasionally you will actually find one who just likes to try and destroy something good, open-minded, and unconventional. Onfortunately, Houston is filled to overflowing with both kinds. munch, v, (muunch) - to commit acts cognizant of a munchie (see munchie) or to do something incredibly stupid or immature. See also Skeeve-0. However, Houston sysops have interpreted the above definitions to mean any user with either opinions differing from those of the sysop, or a mind that is more open the the sysop's in addition to the two classical definitions above. In essence, anyone the sysop doesn't like or wants to pick on is automatically termed a "munchie." ANUS prefers the more enlightened definitions of "gremlin" and "loser," since these are more descriptive and let you know if the guy is malicious or just stupid. To show our defiance of Houston's sysop-cliches and their accompanying useless organizations and propaganda, we set up a board dedicated to being offensive and supportive of free speech and other forgotten rights. Numerous births of cows were reported among individuals branded with large "L"'s on their forehead ("losers"). Houston sysops banned our ads. But, as a result, Houston's modem community grouped itself into an organization separating the conservative idiots ("buttheads") from the rest of us. Needless to say, we're quaking in our boots, since we really don't need or care about their organization or their boards, so we're content to watch them make fools of themselves. In the meantime, ANUS has a bevy of ongoing projects guaranteed to make modeming in Houston at least more interesting than it used to be, and hopefully more worthwhile. If you are interested in becoming an ANUS member, get into contact with Chromatic Death or Captain Crapp/Crude on a decent Houston board. Chances are we'll be there. Captain Crapp ANUS 09/04/89