¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦                                ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ ThE HaX0R bRoThErS NeWzLetTeR  ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ -----------------------------  ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦             By                 ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦      Hax0rWang & |=|4x0r       ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦                                ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦           IsSuE #2             ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦                                ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦

WeLcOmE tWo IsSuE tWo Of OuR /<-rAd NeWz LeTtEr YoU lAyMuRz! yEs WeRe BaCk
aNd In A mAjOr wAy FuX0Rz! sO sIt BaCk AnD rEaD oN cUz We HaVe GoTz SuM 
GoOd oL sToRiEs To TeLl Yo0! HaX0r ThE pLaNeT lAyMoRz!

CoNtEnTz:
uS HaXoRs In MiRc.........................................................1
PhAn MaIl.................................................................2
ToP sEcReT WhItE hOuSe fIlEz We HaX0rEd...................................3
HaX0RiN HeAvEn............................................................4
AnArChY wItH cOwS.........................................................5
HaX0rWaNg InTeRvIeWs DeMoN ByTeZ fRom ThE CyBrIdZ!........................6
MiCr0s0fT uNiX CoMmAnDz!..................................................7
LamuRZ oF dA moNTh........................................................8
hAcKiNg MiCrOwAvEz........................................................9
NeWz U cAn UsE............................................................10
ShOuT oUtZ aNd GrEeTz.....................................................11


HaX0rWaNg In #hackers
------------------------
Session Start: Mon Apr 28 15:44:44 1997
* Logging #hackers to: [#hackers.log]
<HaX0rWang> hEy Fux0rZ
<HaX0rWang> jEW dUMbFuX
<GhostX> WOAH!
<HaX0rWang> FuXInG laMUrZ
*** crypton (~crypton@pn5-ppp-232.primary.net) has joined 
#hackers
<HaX0rWang> CrYpToN iLL hAX yEW
<crypton> hmmm
<crypton> nope
* HaX0rWang iZ ruNNinG mIcrOsofT uNIx
<crypton> lol
<HaX0rWang> itZ kaY wRAd
*** DragonFlame (autonomous@val-ca3-31.ix.netcom.com) has joined 
#hackers
<crypton> prophit u there?
<Prophit> yep
<crypton> did u see what haxorwang has
<HaX0rWang> U LamE FuXiNG faGGotZ
<Prophit> yep
<crypton> he he
<HaX0rWang> iM goNNa BlEW b0x yeW
<Prophit> microsoft unix....fag
<crypton> lol
<crypton> this just gets better and better
<HaX0rWang> iTZ 31337!!!!!
*** Craq_Dead (Craqhorio@spg-as51s06.erols.com) has joined 
#hackers
<Prophit> sup craq
<HaX0rWang> jEw WaNNa FuX wiT mE?
<crypton> wang where'd you come from
<HaX0rWang> Pr0PhiT laME FaG wH0re
<crypton> AOL perhaps?
<HaX0rWang> iLL teLNeT t0 yOr SeRvEr AnD FUXuinG Red B0x YEW
<crypton> hehehehehe
<Prophit> i aint the one usin microsoft unix
<HaX0rWang> iTs LeET
<Prophit> sure
<GhostX> hey does anyone here have a key crack for Confrence 
   Room?
<HaX0rWang> freeBdS aiNT shIT t0 MicroSofT uNIx
*** StealthSquirl (vassago@207.32.54.28) has joined #hackers
<HaX0rWang> GhOSt X u FUxKIn LamEr
<GhostX> hey does anyone here have a key crack for Confrence 
   Room?
<GhostX> shut up
<Prophit> CaN I Be L337 T00?
* HaX0rWang is HaX0rInG PrOhpIT
<GhostX> u r the lamer
<Squirl> hmmmm
<GhostX> think you are kewl
<HaX0rWang> jEw FaGZ
<crypton> hmm no
<GhostX> u suck
<Squirl> hmmm
<Squirl> hey doomd.. Please op me
<GhostX> Jews are kewl u predjiduce bitch
<HaX0rWang> iM 31337
<Prophit> st: get slackware
<Squirl> Can someone ping me
<GhostX> no ur |)|_|/|\B
<HaX0rWang> SqUIL iLL fuXinG MAiL BomB yEW laMEr
<Prophit> oh god
<crypton> jeeeeez
<Prophit> someone plez kick this fucknut
<HaX0rWang> pRoPhiT iM haXiN YeW
<HaX0rWang> iM goNNa UpLoaD GooDTiMES VirII
<GhostX> good
<Prophit> yah...u got the iq of my left nut.....i aint in linux 
   or unix faggot
<crypton> that virus was a hoax
*** StealthSquirl (vassago@207.32.54.28) has joined #hackers
<StealthSquirl> ping me please
<HaX0rWang> jEW dOS FaG
* vi &
<HaX0rWang> hAhAHaHAhA
<HaX0rWang> wh0ReE
<HaX0rWang> I sAw HAcKErZ 50 tiMeZ
<Prophit> HAHAHHAhahHhHAHAHAHAH
<Prophit> HAHAHHAhahHhHAHAHAHAH
<HaX0rWang> JeaLOuS aRenT u?
<HaX0rWang> FaGz IlL HaxRz U ALl
<Prophit> FH U DOne Yet =)
<HaX0rWang> SteAl MaN GeT MiCrOsOFt UniX
<crypton> who else would have thought that Microsoft makes a OS 
   that is made by another company
<channelman> not me
<HaX0rWang> MaN i ThiNK mY mOm Iz HoME
<HaX0rWang> ShE lIkE wILL spANk Me IF sHe FiNDz Me
<Prophit> LOL
<crypton> are u 4 or something
<HaX0rWang> YeW aLL hEArdD oF hAX0r BroTHerZ RiGht?
<HaX0rWang> iM 11
<crypton> nope
<HaX0rWang> MoMMy iS hOmE noW
<crypton> wang red box into me 
<HaX0rWang> i MiGhT tEacH JeW alL hOw TO HaCk oNe DaY
*** ChanServ sets mode: +o vi
<crypton> do u even have any clue what your talking about wang
<HaX0rWang> yEzZ iM a haX0rZ

*****************************  PhAn MaIl  ***********************************

To: haxor@sinnerz.com
From: root@cert.org
Subject: Final warning

This is your final warning. We are sick of the mail you keep sending us!
No we do not wish to buy a red box! No we don't want to read your articles!
No we don't have naked pictures of janet jackson! Leave us alone!

OuR rEpLy: LeAvE mE aLoNe tHeN lAyMorZ! ItZ pEoPle LiKe ThIs WhO mAkE mE sIcK!


To: haxor@sinnerz.com
From: freakhacker@hotmail.com
Subject: Lame Lame Lame...

You guys are so lame! You think anyone will take you serious? And what the 
fuck is with your programs? They don't even fucking work! Dorks!

OuR rEpLy: ShUt UyP lAyM0R yOu JuSt gOt A sEnD mAiL aTtAcK CoUrTosY oF tHe
HaX0r BrOtHeRz

To: wang@sinnerz.com
From: brandi@slut.com
Subject: Re: d0 YoU GivE G00d HeaD?

Um. Our page is just up for entertainment purposes only. Anymore mail like
this will be considered harrassment and your server will be notified. Thank
You.

OuR rEpLy: SlUt!

To: wang@sinnerz.com
From: president@whitehouse.gov
Subject: Re: wE wAnT dA alIEnZ YoU FaGZ!

Thank you for contacting the President! Your mail will be brought before
some people to be reviewd before being sent to the president. Thank you.

OuR rEpLy: nO nEeD lAyMuR We JuSt GoT dUn HaXoRiNg YoO!

To: haxor@sinnerz.com
From: hacker@hacker.com
Subject: Are you guys real?

Is your page serious? Or a joke? Can you teach me? You do seem elite.

OuR rEpLy: We ArE aS SeRiUs As It CuMeZ, We ArE bIgGeR tHeN tHe cDc!

-----------------------====I hAx0rED WhITeHOuSe!====-------------------------

oK fAGo0T LaMUrZ. I HAxKeD dA whITeHouSe toDAY! cuZ iM so k-RaD. AnYwaYZ
heRe it Iz

Login: buBBa
Password: *
Permission Denied

AlRiGhT aS YeW cAN SeE iT waS fuXkiNG siMPLe!!!!1! aNywAyZ laMurZ iM g0Nna
sh0W jEw aLL wHaT I foUnD!!!!

TrAnScRipTioN oF dA prEsIdeNT taLkIN iMpoRtAnT bUsIneSS oN dA pHoNE! 

Begin-
President Clinton - Jasmine?
Jasmine - Yes hunny? I am here. Are you alone?
President Clinton - Oh yeah baby! And I have Mr. Happy out!
Jasmine - MMMMM that sounds so nice. I'd love to suck your hard cock.
President Clinton - I am stroking it right now. Nothing to worry about either.
Hillary is out fucking the butler again. That dumb slut. But oh well. I have
you and your warm mouth for my cock.
Jasmine - Yes you do baby. I want you to fuck my face.
President Clinton - OH YESSSS OH YESSSSSSS
Jasmine - Push your cock hard into me bubba. You like it when i call you bubba
don't you?
President Clinton - HILLARY? I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE HOME?!?! I am just talking
about bombing russia with Al thats all. Yea just guy things ya know?!?!
Jasmine - Hello? Hello?
Hillary - ALRIGHT WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU YOU LITTLE FUCKING SLUT?
*CLICK*
-End

hEhEhE! AlRighT CheCK ThIS iNFo I GoT aBOuT thE pEntAgoN. iT SeeMz ThAt
theY haVE sOMe AlIEnZ FroM dAt FuKinG CraSh ShiT. AnD EveRyoNE iS HAvinG
GaY orGyZ!!! w00w00!! GeNeRaL BoNeR KeEPz FucKiNG A BaBy AlIEn AnAL!

AnD yOo aLl ThOuGhT tHaT lAyMuR KeNnEdY wAs ShOt bY ThAt GuY rUbY hUh? WeLl
I hAxOrEd OuT tHe TrUtH! SuM bItCh NaMeD jAcKiE o nAsIs fUxOrEd HiZ aSs uP
cUs He WaS mEsSiN aRoUnD wItH SuM mArIlYn mAnSoN cHiC oR sOmThInG lIkE tHat.

We AlSo HaX0rEd OuT bIlL cLiNtOnZ eMaIl AdDrEzZ PrEsIdEnT@wHiTeHoUsE.GoV wErE
In ThE pRoCcEsS oF hAxOrInG oUt GoReZ bUt ItS gOiNg To BeE a WhIlE LaYm0rZ
      
AlRiGHt NoW fOR dA GoOdIEZ! I jUsT
fpihaspfihasfpiahsd=9QUE=129EYU29EHJ39UMU34U3C4-9U-94U12-9C2U
3
AWWW FuckEz My MoMmy IS HOMe ShiT! iM goNNa GeT A bEAtING.. FuX!

*********************========[HaX0RiN HeAvEn]==========**********************

YeS, Us ThE hAx0R bRoThErz DiD hAcK hEaVeN tHe RuMeRz ArE tRuE! We StUmBeLed
AcCrOsS gOdZ DiAl-Up WhIlE bLOo bOxInG. So We WeNt tO tHe tRuStY ReD bOxEd
PaY fOnE aNd hUkEd uP oUr CoMuTeRz. ThE lOgIn ScReEn lOoKeD lIkE tHiS:

Heavens Remote Terminal
Any Attempt to Hack Us will not be tolorated
And in the likes of a hacker, the hacker will
be condemed straight to hell.

Login:

Oh No GoD iS gOiNg tO cOnDeM uS tO hElL! HaHaHa! WeRe To 313373 fOr HeLl! 
GoD iS a LaYm0R. AfTeR sEvErAl AtTeMpTz At HaCkInG tHiS sErVeR wE fInAlLy 
bRoKe tHe CoDe. 

ThE lOgIn wAs GoD aNd ThE pAsSwOrD wAs "nOaH". ItZ bEeN 
cHaNgEd nOw, So dOnT eVeN tRy LaYmUrZ! 

wElL oNcE wE wErE iN, We ChEcKeD oUt tHe TrAsH bIn, LiKe AnY rEaL hAx0r 
WoUlD dO! wE fOuNd NoThInG bUt tRaSh oN MaDsEaSoN cUz tHaT lAyMoR iS tRaSh! 
ThEn We WeNt tO A dIrEcToRy ThAt SaId "WeAtHeR" AnD wE pHrEaKeD oUrSeLvEs 
SoMe RaIn bOoOoOoOoYYYY. 

ThEn We DeCiDeD tO lOoK At SuM pErSoNaL fIlEz, So We TyPeD iN LaYm0rZ, aNd
wE gOt A vErY lArGe LiStInG oVe LaYm0rZ! HeReZ a LiTtLe eXeRpT

LaYmUrZ:
AdAm- DiS iS dEe FiRsT lAyMuR eVeR, WeE dOnT lIkE hIm HeRe In HeAvEn
EvE- StUpId lAyMuR bItCh AyTe ThAt FuXiN aPpLe!
sAtAn- ThAt lAyMuR fUx0r WeNt dOwN bOoOoYyY!

BeInG a LiTtLe cOcKy wE PhReaKeD tHeM sOmE vIrIi! ThEn We ErAsEd aLl tHeIr 
fIlEz cUz wErE 1337 lIkE tHaT bOoOoOyY! lAyTuR tHaT dAy We ReCiVeD aN eMaIl
bOmB fRoM gOd, OvEr 100 MaIlZ! It wEnT aYs FoLlOwZ:

SuBjEcT: YoO hAx0rEd Us!
FrOm: GoD@hEaVeN.com
tO: HaXoRz@CENSORED.cOm

YoU bIzTcHeZ hAx0rEd Us! 
FrOm
GoD
---------
We TrAcEd tHe MaIl BoMb, aNd FoUnD oUt It WaS fRoM gOd@hEaVeN.com gOd Is A 
LaYmUr, bUt He WiLl GeT hIs cUz wE ArE gOiNg tO cArD hIm!!!! FuX oFf GoD yOu
jUsT mEsSeD wIt tHa WrOnG bOoYzZ! PrEpArE yOuRsElF. (GoD vS. HaX0r BrOtHeRz
wIlL bE cOvErInG iT!)
*****************************************************************************

********************=======[AnArChY wItH cOwS]==========*********************

We ArE nOt JuSt /<-RaD hAx0rZ aNd PhReAkErZ, wE aRe AlSo ExPeRiNcEd WiTh 
aNaRcHy! SuM tImEz We TaKe StIcKs Of DyNoMiTe In OuR tEeChErZ aSs'Z! BuT
ThIs Is aN aRtIcLe oN aNaRcHy wItH tHe hElP oF cOwZ boOoOyY! 
	NoW hErEz a QuEsTiOn fOr YoO lAym0rZ...WhAt Is A bOmB mAdE oUt oF?
YeS iTs MaDe OuT of GaS! AnD wHaT dO cOwS dO aLl ThE tImE? LeT gAs! Do YoO
seE wHaT iM gEtTiNg At? AlRiGhT tHiS iS hOw To MaKe A bOmB oUt oF a rEgUlAr
eVeRyDaY fArM cOw.
FiRsT gO tO yOuR lOcAl fArM (tHe SaMe PlAcE yOo pIk yOuR sHrOoMz!) aNd 
DePeNdInG oN hOw bIg Yo0 wAnT tHe ExPoSiOn yOo pIcK tHe sMaLlEsT cOw (A CaLf)
fOr A sMaLlEr ExPlOsIoN, aNd A lArGe CoW fOr A bIg ExPlOsIoN! In ThIs CaSe
We PiCkEd A sMaLl NeW bOrN cAlF. (DoNt GeT tHeM wRoNg, tHeY lEt JuSt aS mUcH
gAs aS a LaRgE cOwZ)
	NoW gO tO yOr StOrE aNd GeT sUm cOtTon RaGz, aNd SoMe CaRoSyNe tO
dIp ThE rAgZ iN. (We Go To SuPeR fReSh cUz wE pHrEaKeD tHeM sO wE dOnT hAvE
tO pAy)
	TaKe yOuR cOw To ThE dEsTiNaTiOn YoU wAnT tO cReAtE sUm AnArChY, AnD
tAkE yOr CaRoSyNe dIpPeD cOtToN rAgZ aNd StIck ThEm Up tHe cOwS aNaL cAvItY
MaKe SuRe To LeAvE aBoUt 4 InChEz oF tHe rAg HaNgInG oUt.
	NoW lIgHt ThE rAg AnD rUn, 1 MiNUiTe LaTeR yOu ShOuLd hEaR a mOoOoO
aNd An ExPlOsIoN, PeOpLe WiLl Be DeViStAtEd tHaT tHeY hAvE hAmBuRgEr AlL oVeR
tHeM!
	AnD fOr A fInAl ToUcH rUn ArOuNd tHe mUtIlAtEd cOw AnD yElL ANARCHY!
*****************************************************************************


********=====[HaX0rWaNg InTeRvIeWs DeMoN ByTeZ fRom ThE CyBrIdZ!]=====*******
 
HaX0rWaNg HaD a ChaNcE tO iNtErViEw oNe Of ThE mEmBeRz oF tHe CyBrIdZ So He
DiD aNd We PrOvEd ThAt ThIs BiTcH iYs a LaYmUr! JuSt LiKe KeViN mItNiCk!

<Hax0rWang> oK... s0 h0w DiD CyBrIdZ gEt StarTeD?
<DBytez> Well,
<DBytez> shure.
<DBytez> shure.
<DBytez> goto console then hit about,
<DBytez> not much about history,
<DBytez> but what were about,
<Hax0rWang> oK.. wHy YeW bITcHeZ s0 lAmE? I meAn AlMosT aS fuXinG lAmE aS 
  eMMaNUeL GoLdStieN fAGggOT
<DBytez> shure.
<DBytez> Well,
<DBytez> why do you consider us lame?
<DBytez> I mean do you actually know us personally?
<DBytez> and how do you know me?
<Hax0rWang> CuZ.. d0 YeW hAvE mICrOsoFt UniX?
<DBytez> no,
<Hax0rWang> sEE.. LamURz
<DBytez> uhm.
<DBytez> ok.
<Hax0rWang> DiD yOU eVeR pHReAk a GiBsON?
<DBytez> Anyways,
<Hax0rWang> AlMoST lAmE aZ eMMaNUeL GoLdStieN fAGggOT
<DBytez> the gibson doesnt exsist
<Hax0rWang> YeS i Hax0reD oNe OncE
<Hax0rWang> i blEW b0xEd 2600!
<DBytez> Well,
<Hax0rWang> 31337 HuH?
<DBytez> Why must i ask are you waisting my time with such jibberish?
<Hax0rWang> EnOuGH BouT mY lEEtNeZZ.. LeTz tAlK BoUT YouR lAmnESS
<DBytez> Are you extremley bored?
<DBytez> Shouldn't you be doing something constructive?
<Hax0rWang> thIs InTeRvIeW iS f0r Hax0R Br0tHerZ.. iM suRe JeW hEaRd of Uz
<DBytez> no not really.
<Hax0rWang> nO WaY.. wErE oNlY dA moST ELiTE.. WeRd
<DBytez> ok, thank you for waisting my time.
<DBytez> But i will have to call this meeting to an end.
<DBytez> bye,
<Hax0rWang> iM noT dOnE wiT yEw LamUr
<Hax0rWang> NO
<Hax0rWang> oK bY.. uR t0 LaMe... l00k FeR urEsElF in IsSue 2 aT 
  www.sinnerz.com/haxor
*****************************************************************************

**************************MiCr0s0fT uNiX CoMmAnDz!***************************

oK u Un eLiT3 LAmErZ!! DeeZ aRe dA k k00L waYz t0 umMmM dEw COmmAnDz! FrOm
Micf0soFt UniX! DeeZ rUle! YoUr prObaBlY t0 LamE t0 uNdErStaNd eM tHo.

oK aT dA fuXiNg unIx DoS CoNtrOl PaNeL wiNd0w tyPe th3sE thIngZ!

- /dev/0ral/cUmSuCkaBitch 
ThIz WiLL dEleTe alL YouR pOrNoZ! s0 lIke sEE oNe dAy i WaS JeRkN mY wAnkEr
aNd mY mOm caMe iN anD i qUiCklY pHreAkEd ThiS coMManD aNd mY p0rnZ wErE gONe!
BuT unFortUnAtlY shE sTiLL sAw mY waNG! FuXinG laMur MoM!

- rdev wiNd0z
ThiZ wiLL StArT urE haXuR pRogRaM anD haX yOUrSelF iNTo a bLuE bOx.. MaYbe
a UrInE bOx.. soMeTiMeZ evEn a CaRdBoaRD bOx. TiZ c00l-RaD!

- 2600.exe 
/<-RaD! ExEcuTeZ yOUr LamE wAnkEr 2600 FaG ArTicLEz.. g00d ShIt iF yoUR
A FuXinG lAmuR. oTheRwiSe PoiNTleSS.

- ForMaT C:
ThIS GiVeZ yOu aLoT oF eLiTe sPaCe! 

- /bash/sUxNuTz
ThIz WiLL hElP yoU haX0r a GiBsON! It woRkZ bY sImUlaTiNG a MouTh SuCKinG thE
giBSoN sYsTeM AdMiN QUeeR! He CumZ aNd HiS PaSsWorD iZ hiDeN iN dA sEmeN!

- ReDbOx.CoM
ThEsE lEEt ShIt DiaLz uP Da LoCaL rEdBoxX s0 y3W CaN pHreAk SoMe /<-/<ooL
paSSw0rdZ! 

- XxX.nEt.SluTz
tHiZ RulEZ!! iTz dA sLut ConNecTiOn! YoU oRdEr uRe oWn FrEE SluTz! ThEY hAvE
faMouS hAx0r SluTz t00! LiKE: EjaCuLatiNg EmMaNuAl, ThE MaStuRbAtInG MenToR,
Er0tiC ErIk Blo0dAxE, kiKnY kEvIn MiTniCK, AnAl AcIdAnGeL and BuStA Nut BrOnC
bUsTeR!!!
*****************************************************************************

*****************************LamuRZ oF dA moNTh******************************

HerE ThEy ArE! dA fuXiNG LAmUrZ!

EmMaNueL GoLdStiEn - DuDe ThiNkZ cUz He RuNz SoMe MaGaZiNe ThAt h3 iZ eLitE!
ThiZ FaGGoT CoUlDnT HaCk heAvEn! PuZZy Wh0rE! I BeT hE nEveR evEN SeEn A
ReD bOX oR ShiT!

sIn - ThIz FuXiNg DoRk GRoUp! AcT aLL EvIl BuT ThEy NeVer HeaRd Of dA EvOl
mICros0fT uNiX! FaG LamUrZ! SuCk A FaT CoCK!

SiR hAxZaLot - WhO ThE fUcK iZ ThiS FAggOt? LamEr BiTCh AsS PuNk! 

CuLt Of Da DeAD c0w - FaGz. ThEy ArE liKe HiCkZ anD FuCk DEaD c0wZ! FuxInG
lAmUrZ! DeEtH VEgGIe Iz A diLd0 HeaD!

GlObAl kOs - ThEY g0T AnAL wArTZ! ThaT mAkeZ eM lAmuRZ!

MaTeRvA - wE sAw dA piCtuReZ oF tHiZ DyKE wItH a GiMP!!! FaG lAmur! NeVEr 
WiLL b3 31337 LiKe Da Hax0R bRoZ!

31337 DewDZ:
Hax0R Br0thErZ! - dUh.. We ArE dA dEfINitiOn oF eLi7E!

GuYz FrOm Hax0RZ dA moVie! - ThEy HacKeD A GiBsOn. NuFf SaiD!
*****************************************************************************

*****************************HaXoRiN MiCrOwAvEz******************************

ToDaY aYs I WaZ hEaTiNg Up My HoT pOcKeT I tHoUgHt tO mYsElF iF tHe mIcRoWaVe
cOuLd Be HaXoReD. So I fIgUrEd oUt A fEw WaYs To HaXoR iT. HeRe ArE tHe ToP
EiGhT WaYs To HaXoR a MiCrOwAvE!

#8) PrEsS tHe bUtToN sEt TiMe, aNd If ItZ 5:00 SeT iT tO 6:00! 
#7)Go NeXt DoOr AnD fInD a CaT oR sUm KiNd Of SmAlL aNiMaL, AnD hEaT oN hIgH
fOr aBoUt 5 MiNuTz, iTz /<-RaD wHaT hApPeNz NeXt
#6)LeAvE tHe ExPlOdEd cAt (Or SmAlL aNiMaL) iN tHe MiCrOwAvE uNtIlL a PaReNt
oR gAuRdIaN cOmEz To FiNd iT, aNd TeLl ThEm ItZ jUsT aN oLd hOt PoCkEt!
#5) TaKe ThE mIcRoWaVe (wItH tHe ExPlOdEd cAt) bAcK tO tHe sToRe In WhIcH yOu
pUrChAsEd It, AnD tElL tHeM yOu GoT a DeFeCtIvE oNe!
#4) HoOk YoUr BleW bOx UyP tO iT aNd PhReAk It!
#3)Un-PlUg It aNd WhEn An UnSuSpeCtInG MiCrOwAvEr tRiEs To MiCrOwAvE hIs hOt
pOcKeT hE wIlL bE sCAreD cUz iTz BeEn HaXoRed!
#2) StIcK mEtAl ObJeCtZ iN iT

AnD tHe NuMbEr OnE tHiNg tO hAx0r yOr MiCrOwAvE iZ tO:
#1)On AlL MiCrOwAvEz tHeRe Is A lItTlE nObBy tHaT wHen OpEnEd It AuToMaTiClY 
ShUtS oFf tHe rAdIo AcTiVe StUfF fRoM eMmItInG iNtO tHe AiR. TaPe ThAt LiTtLe
NoBbY DoWn tHeN sEt ThE mIcRoWaVe On HigH fOr 4 hOuRz WiTh ThE dOoR tO tHe
mIcRoWaVe WiDe OpEn ThEn LeAvE aS yOuR FaMiLy MeMbErZ aLl BeCoMe tWo HEaDeD 
mUtAntZ aNd HaVe BaBiEs ThAt JoIn ThE LOA.
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************************** NeWz jEW CaN YeWZ! *******************************

March 1, 1997 - HeaVeN haS beEn HaCkEd! Da EliTe LamuR GoD iZ StuMpEd! s0
h3 biTcH slAppEd jeSUs anD blaMenD HiM!

March 17, 1997 - CuLt 0f dA deAd c0w CauGhT GaNg BanGiNg ChelSY CliNToN!
PhOtoZ oF hEr CuM CoVeRD FaCe ComInG s00n!

March 18, 1996 - ItZ haPPeND agIaN! SoMEoNe HacKEd EmMaNuel GolDsTienZ AnaL
CaviTY... ThEy MuSt LiKE daT sTaNkY ShIT!

March 20, 1997 - MenToR MAdSeAs0n MaIlBomBeD HiS GrAnDmOthEr CauSeiNG hEr t0
OrGaZm anD haVE OrGyZ anD CuM oN hEr LooSE SaGGy CliT! MaDSeAsoN SoOn LiCked
iT uP Th0!

March 24, 1997 - GloBaL k0s gOt HaCKeD by PhIbEr AcID.. WhEn AsKeD ThIEr 
OpInIoNZ thEy COmmEntEd "We called his mom and she spanked him then gave all
of us free blow jobs... it all worked out well in the end".

March 28, 1997 - LorD SomMeR g0t HiS lEfT TeStiClE RemOVeD.. s00N t0 bE 
rEplAcED bY a MoNkeY TesTiClE!

March 33, 1997 - AcIdAnGEl BuStEd FoR pHreAK BomBiNg OkLaHoMA! SoOn MaDe NeW
FreInDz BubbA anD SeTh WhiLE iN JaIL!

DeCeMbeR 25, 1997 - SaTaN CAuGhT BuTT fuCkInG aN eLF wHiLE ShE BleeW RuDolpH!
He SaID It HelPed HiS nOSe GloW!
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ShOut OuTz AnD gReEtZ
----------------------
AoL- FeR sUpPlYiNg UyS tHoSe /<-rAd AcCoUnTz
ThE eLiTe LeGiOn Of HaCkErZ-YoO gUyZ roOl KeEp Up DeE gUd WoRk
kApTiN cRuNcH- We DoNt KnOw hOo yOo ArE bUt YoUr CeRiAl RoOlEz
JoLt CoLa- ThE oFfIcIaL hAxOr BrOtHeRz BeVeRaGe
H-MaStEr-ThE mAsTeR oF mAiL bOmBiNg! MoVe OvEr MaDsEaSoN!
mAlHaVoK-fOr BeInG sO lAyMe sO wE cAn MaKe a FoO oUt Of yOo
LoRd SoMeR- He MaDe Us WhAt We ArE tOdAy

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