                       YOU MIGHT BE A RED NECK IF ...

Your Front porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs.

There's a stuffed possum mounted anywhere in your home.

The crack in your windshield is longer than your arm and has been
there for over a year.

Your Bicycle has a gun rack.

You own more than three shirts with the arms cut off.

You've ever been blacklisted from a bowling alley.

You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

Your Junior-Senior prom had a day care center.

Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling
the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

The primary color of your car is "Bond-o".

Directions to your house include "turn off at the dirt road".

You know how many bales of hay your car can hold.

Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and no one
notices.

You used your beer money to buy Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

Hail from a real bad storm hits your house and you have to take it to
a body shop to get an estimate on repairs.

Your Family tree does not fork.

You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk
jug in the car.

Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of ketchup.

Your watch band is wider than any book you have read.

Your Brother-In-Law is also your Uncle.

You've ever hit a Juke box with a pool cue.

Your father fully executes the "pull my finger" trick at Christmas
dinner.

The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front tires.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Your job promotion means that the company foots the bill to have your
name sewn on your shirt.

You think Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

You consider your license plate personalized because your father made
it in jail.

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

You think beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

Your wife wore a tank top to the wedding.

You have more than two brothers named "Bubba" or "Junior".

All of your four letter words have two syllables.
