                     REAL SYSOPS DON'T EAT QUICHE.
 
                            BY KARL KEMERAIT
 
 
* Real Sysops don't say they're getting a hard drive. They already have 
  one.
 
* Real Sysops have 2400 baud. There are few exceptions.
 
* Real Sysops have a fan on their computer at all times.
 
* Real Sysops turn off their monitor as often as possible.
 
* Real Sysops have their own phone line without 'call-waiting.'
 
* Real Sysops disconnect their computer's speaker.
 
* Real Sysops have a real computer such as an 80386 or an IBM.
 
* Real Sysops turn off the ringer on their telephone.
 
* Real Sysops have a clock card.
 
* Real Sysops don't need a Ramdisk.
 
* Real Sysops don't care if you say that you are putting up
  a board next summer.
 
* Real Sysops avoid 'Chat Mode' as often as possible.
 
* Real Sysops hate it when you call yourself a 'future sysop.'
 
* Real Sysops know that it's not the sysops that make a BBS great; it's 
  the users.
 
* Real Sysops don't post 'new board' messages on every other board in
  town until their board is actually up and running.
 
* Real Sysops laugh when people say things like 'I have your voice 
  number' or 'I am a Fed.'
 
* Real Sysops know that 'phone' is spelled with 'ph' and 'fun' with 'f'.
 
* Real Sysops don't bother to answer the phone when they're using their
  computer because they know the guy will have heart failure and hang 
  up.
 
* Real Sysops don't change the name of their board every month.
 
* Real Sysops don't find it amusing when users leave numbers like:
  CAN-NOT-TELL or *UN-LIS-TED!
 
* Real Sysops don't take their BBS down every five minutes to call a 
  board.
 
* Real Sysops don't post their numbers on every known BBS.
 
* Real Sysops don't leave mail to users begging them to post.
 
* Real Sysops get angry if their boards are crashed.
 
* Real Sysops DON'T think they are God and are better than everyone 
  else.
 
* Real Sysops try to help the new users; not cut them down.
 
* Real Sysops know the difference between a new user and a loser.
 
* Real Sysops don't procrastinate.
 
* Real Sysops aren't hypocrites.
 
* Real Sysops couldn't care less about what some user posts about them 
  on a loser board.
 
* Real Sysops put up a BBS as a service; not an ego trip!
 
* Real Sysops don't get out their handy dandy sector editor and plaster 
  their name and number all over a new game.
 
* Real Sysops take pride in their BBS.
 
* Real Sysops don't care if users leave some obnoxious message 100 times
 in feedback.  They realize that this user just learned how to use 
 macros.
 
* Real Sysops know that it is their decision whether or not to sit in 
  front of the computer all day. They don't care what some idiot says.
 
* Real Sysops know how to spell.
 
* Real boards do not have system errors on every other line.
 
* Real boards use all 80 columns.
 
* Real Sysops make their own ANSI welcome screens.
 
* Real Sysops spend long distance $$$ to find new programs to put 
  on-line.
 
* Real Sysops don't rape local BBS's for files.
 
* Real Sysops answer their E-Mail and Comments.
 
* Real Sysops have USR 9600 HST's instead of Hayes V-Series modems.
 
* Real Sysops HATE the Hayes vs. USR argument.
 
* Real Sysops know that Hayes has the name that they do because of the
  quality of their products.
 
* Real boards don't use plastic modems.
 
* Real Sysops keep their files in separate, logical sections.
 
* Real Sysops have EGA systems.
 
* Real Sysops don't run PCBoard because 'It's the most popular'.
 
* Real Sysops are always on the brink of divorce.
 
* Real Sysops come up with original names for their boards.
 
* Real Sysops are NEVER satisfied with their systems.
 
* Real Sysops offer Zmodem protocol for file transfers.
 
* Real Sysops rarely have any money to improve their systems.
 
* Real Sysops don't mind paying the phone bill month after month, even 
  though they don't charge for the use of the system.
 
* Real Sysops are surprised when they receive donations.
 
* Real Sysops don't tape their glasses back together or use 'pocket 
  protectors'
 
* Real Sysops eyes are always red. Clear eyes indicate you aren't 
  working hard.
 
* Real Sysops hate 300 baud transmission.
 
* Real Sysops dislike uploads of duplicate files.
 
* Real Sysops have a batch file for EVERYTHING.
 
* Real Sysops have only 3 files in their root directory.
 
* Real Sysops have all important programs PATHed.
 
* Real boards aren't PC Pursuitable.
 
* Real Sysops have a second computer to test for Virus'.
 
* Real Sysops have a room specifically for their BBS.
 
* Real Sysops can never find what they are looking for in their computer
  room.
 
* Real Sysops unplug their systems and phone lines during storms.
 
* Real Sysops actually have a personality.
 
* Real Sysops can, upon occasion, talk about something other than 
  computers... but rarely!
 
* Real Sysops hate authors of bad Shareware programs begging for money.
 
* Real Sysops can update users, move files, check E-Mail, and eat pizza 
  all at the same time.
 
* Real boards don't require you to join a conference to see a different
  message.
 
                        <<- I am Alphax the Dark ->>
