
***************** The Complete Guide Of Monkey Island Insults ****************

     Having trouble with remembering what INSULT goes with which COME-BACK?
Well, have no fear, your prayers are answered!
     Below is a chart showing MOST of the INSULTS used for sword-play on 
Melee Island:


 **INSULT**                         |                  **COME-BACK/RESPONSE**
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
You fight like a Dairy Farmer!      | How appropriate, you fight like a cow.
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
Soon you'll be wearing my sword like| First, you'd better stop waving it 
a shish kebab!                      | around like a feather duster!
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
People fall at my feet when they see| Even BEFORE they smell your breath?
me coming!                          |
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
You're no match for my brains you   | I'd be in real trouble if you ever used
poor fool.                          | them!
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
You make me want to puke!           | You make me think somebody already did!
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
This is the END for you, you gutter | And I've got a little TIP for you, get 
crawling cur!                       | the POINT?
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
I've spoken with apes more polite   | I'm glad to hear you attended your 
you.                                | family reunion.
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
You have the manners of a beggar!   | I wanted to be sure you'd feel 
                                    | comfortable with me.
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
I got this scar on my face during a | I hope now you've learned to stop 
mighty strugle.                     | picking your nose.
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
My handkerchief will wipe up your   | So you got that job as a janitor after
blood!                              | all.
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
I'm not going to take your insolence| Your hemmorrhoids are flaring up again,
sitting down!                       | eh?
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
Nobody's ever drawn blood from me   | You run THAT fast?
and nobody ever will!               |
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
I've heard you were a contemptible  | Too bad no one's heard of YOU at all.
sneak.                              |
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
Have you stopped wearing diapers    | Why, did you want to borrow one?
yet?                                |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of list...

     That is all of the insults I have recorded (for normal fighting) at this
time.  Now, below is a list of POSSIBLE INSULTS and COME-BACKS for the 
Sword-Master.  If a COME-BACK isn't here that you need, do the best you can. 
Think of a good answer and see if it is in your list of responses!


 **INSULT**                         |                  **COME-BACK/RESPONSE**
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
I've got a long, sharp lesson for   | And I've got a little TIP for you, get
you to learn today.                 | the POINT?
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
I've got the courage and skill of a | I'd be in real trouble if you ever used
master swordsman!                   | them.
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
You are a pain in the backside, sir!| Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again,
                                    | eh?
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
My tounge is sharper than any sword!| First you'd better stop waving it around
                                    | like a feather duster!
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
Now I know what filth and stupidity | I'm glad to hear you attended your 
really are.                         | family reunion.  (?NOT SURE?)
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
If your brother's  like you, better | How appropriate, you fight like a cow.
to marry a pig!                     | (?NOT SURE?)
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
My last fight ended with my hands   | I hope now you've learned to stop 
covered with blood.                 | picking your nose.
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
Every word you say to me is stupid. | I wanted to be sure you'd feel 
                                    | comfortable with me.
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
There are no clever moves that can  | ?
help you now.                       | ?
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
I will milk every drop of blood from| How appropriate, you fight like a cow.
your body!                          |
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
My wisest enemies run awat at the   | Even BEFORE they smell your breath?
first sight of me!                  |
------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------
My name is feared in every dirty    | So you got that job as a janitor after
corner of this island!              | all.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of list...

     That is all of the insults I have recorded (for the Sword-Master) at
this time.  I hope all these charts help you.  Happy gaming!!!

     
*******************************> CREDITS <************************************

Monkey Island Game by:           Ron Gilbert
Monkey Island Support Company:   LucasArts: Lucasfilm Games
Insults Written by:              Orson Scott Card

******************************************************************************
