=-=-=-= The Realm Of The Rogues =-=-=-= (415) 941-1990 +------------------------------------+ ! ! ! ---> A Guide to Real Gamers <--- ! ! ! ! Written by Fritz Mertens ! ! ! ! 3-15-85 ! ! ! ! Call Haunted House: 415-941-7256 ! ! ! +------------------------------------+ This T-file was inspired by all those Guide to Real Pirates T-files. Thanx guys, and I hope I can do justice to you. The following is a list of what real gamers do or do not do. A lot of what I say should not be done I do anyway. Well, I never said I was a REAL gamer. Games: ----- Real gamers play AD&D. Correlary: Real gamers don't play Tunnels and Trolls. Real gamers don't buy meaningless game systems that will be obsolete next month (Ex. Swashbuckler) Real gamers think AD&D could be better, but play it anyway. Real gamers know that AD&D module "T2" will never come out. Correlary: Real gamers think "T1" sucked big time. Real gamers don't have characters over 18th level, as they don't cheat. Real gamers never play "exactly by the book." Real gamers own all the AD&D books with the "old covers" Correlary: Real gamers don't own a copy of the Fiend Folio. Real gamers have plastic sheets on their characters. Correlary: Real gamers never laminate their character sheets. Real male gamers don't play female characters. Real female gamers aren't female gamers, just girlfriends of male gamers. Correlary: Real female gamers weigh over 200 lbs. Real gamers know Gary Gygax is a jerk. Dice: ---- Real gamers never buy d30's. Real gamers don't buy plain dice. Addition: Real gamers NEVER buy Basic Set dice or Dragon Dice. Real gamers own at least 10d6 for that handy Fireball. Real gamers don't buy d6's larger than 5/8". Exception: Unless they use them for Privateer or as a Cow miniature. Real gamers buy d6's with dots and not with crummy numbers unless in a set. Addition: d6's with numbers always roll low. Real gamers don't buy round d6s. Real gamers don't load dice (unless they are the GM.) Real gamers buy d20's with all 20 numbers, not with 0-9 twice. Real gamers bring all their dice to every game. Addition: Real gamers don't show off their dice. Real gamers always buy dice whether they need them or not. Conventions: ----------- Real gamers go to conventions. Correlary: Real gamers never go to comic conventions. Real gamers run a game at a con so they can get in free. Addition: Real gamers pre-reg if they can't run a game. Real gamers attend Pacificon, Dundracon and Gamescaucass. Correlary: Real gamers never went to Chaoticon, Augacon or Marchcon. Addition: Real gamers used to attend Grimcon. Addition to the addition: Real gamers want to go to Gen Con. Correlary to the second addition: Real gamers never go to Gen Con. Real gamers never play in AD&D/Arduin variant runs. Real gamers always get a hotel room. Addition: Real gamers NEVER commute to the con. Real gamers never play in games with "80%+ kill rate". Real gamers don't pay the absurd prices the hotel charges at the "snack bar". Addition: Real gamers walk across the street to the 7-11 and pick it up for less. Real gamers only watch "Zulu" and "Zulu Dawn" in the movie room. Correlary: Real gamers don't watch "The Dark Crystal". Real gamers get less than 5 hours of sleep a night. Correlary: Real gamers get less than 5 hours of sleep total. Addition to the correlary: Real gamers don't get any sleep at all. Miscellaneous: ------------- Real gamers never have neat rooms where they live. (at least for any length of time). Real gamers don't join the RPGA. Real gamers are GMs as well as players. Real gamers read at least 6 fantasy books a year. Addition: Real gamers have read all the Elric books. Real gamers have been playing for at least 5 years. Real gamers are at least 14 years old. Real gamers paint their own miniatures. Addition: Real gamers never use Testor's paint on their miniatures. Real gamers don't wear pink shirts. Real gamers don't have bumper stickers on their cars that say "I brake for Unicorns" or "Gamers do it with dice". Correlary: Real gamers have bumper stickers that say "Cthulhu Saves" or anything by the AADA. Addition: Real gamers have cars. Real gamers don't wear t-shirts with dragons or unicorns unless they actually own one. Real gamers like Heavy Metal music. Correlary: Real gamers hate Heavy Metal music. Real gamers own computers. Addition: Real gamers own Apples. Addition to the addition: Real gamers own modems. Addition to the addition to the addition: Real gamers own Apple-Cats. Well, that's all for now, hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed typing it in. (Ugh!) If you have any more Real Gamer ideas, please send them to me. That's: F) Fritz L) Mertens This has been an Ed-Co production. (K) 3-15-85 01:31:23 =-=-=-= The Realm Of The Rogues =-=-=-= (415) 941-1990 Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open