DYNAMIC UNIVERSAL INDUSTRIES "We make advancements everywhere." INTEROFFICE MEMO To: Mr. Daniel P. Staid Board Chairman Dynamic Universal Industries, Inc. 1234 Headlong Drive Danbury, Connecticut From: Benjamin "Ben" Jackson Sales Trainee Excelsior Staples Office Applications Division Fastening Systems Group Dynamic Universal Industries,Inc. Southern Midwest Office 1000 Commerce Circle Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Subject: Office Renovation Date: October 10,1989 Dear Mr. Staid, There is a recent condition here that I feel requires your immediate attention. It seems that there may be a problem with product compatibility. Please allow me to preface this letter with a few general comments. I have been with the Excelsior Staples division for just over three months. I feel that it is a fine little company and I hope to be able to help it someday achieve and maintain the distinction as Dynamic Universal Industries' #1 profit maker. I realize that you have never heard of me due to my short tenure here. Yet please hear me out. I don't intend to appear as one who complains but I have taken this up with five increasingly higher levels of management and have on every occasion been told, "Why don't you go tell the Chairman of the Board?" The issue at hand has to do with the results of a recent office renovation here at Excelsior, performed from my third through fifth weeks on the job. First I must say that the workmen did an excellent job. The new white ceiling tiles, manufactured by Dynamic Universal Industries' Styrofoam Reproductions Division, accent the existing lighting to its best advantage. The new pine-printed paneling (Dynamic Universal Industries Wood Simulations Division) on the interior petitions adds a sense of dignity and is perfectly accented by the fresh pastel paint (DUI's Interior Chemicals Division) on the remaining cinder block walls. This is all given a feeling of cheerful warmth by the brightly colored Duralast (a new product of our Synthetic Textiles Division) carpeting. And the new restroom fittings (Industrial/Domestic Valve Division), having been made from an advanced new material, are the most modern and impressive I've seen. I'm certain that this is now the most impressive sales office in Oklahoma City, if not the entire Midwest. I will describe my experiences to the best of my ability. Please understand, this is not a quality complaint. Having just completed Dynamic Universal's two-week course on Statistical Process and Quality Control, Prediction, and Assurance, I could not possibly doubt that our quality-related documentation is nothing less than the best of any in the world. The new pastel paint that I referred to before seems to have given off an unusual odor. Actually, many of the office staff appear to have enjoyed it as they wandered through the halls, smiling and talking to themselves in hushed tones. It wasn't until Mrs. Pennysworth, the Executive Secretary, lit a cigarette that anyone began to suspect a problem. She appears to have recovered completely now, thanks to the wig. We did our best to overlook this until the plastic veneer on the new paneling began to bubble and peel off. Our division being the Staple Supplier to the World, we quickly fixed this on our own. But when the ceiling tiles began to shrink and fall down on us at unpredictable moments, there was nothing we could do. Yet the other problem is many times worse. You see, Mr. Staid, the entire office was carpeted, including the restrooms. The new carpet, although quite beautiful, has an extreme tendency to `pick up' static electricity. I was shocked into realization of this upon my first use of the new urinal. On the surface this would seem a small concern, but Mr. Jack Stevens, our Regional Director of Sales, a fine man with over thirty years of service, upon his first experience had to be taken out by ambulance! As a result of this and their own personal experiences, many of our seasoned veterans are taking early retirement. Not only will this hurt our long-term performance but it has become a major distraction. I must tell you that I have witnessed on more than one occasion some of our younger salesmen take a running slide into the Mens' room! As the nearest public restrooms are located in the Shell station two blocks away, our secretaries are now absent more than they are present. Frankly I'm lucky to have gotten this memo typed at all. Should you have the slightest doubt concerning any of this, please honor us with a visit and see for yourself. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Ben Jackson BJ: bj