Beware of the following new computer viruses . . . 

Federal Bureaucrat Virus - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
        little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all
        of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
Dan Quayle Virus - Their is sumthing rong with your compueter, ewe
        just can't figyour out watt.
Gallup Poll Virus - Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lost 38%
        of their data 14% of the time (plus or minus 3.5 margin of error)
Paul Revere Virus - Revolutionary virus doesn't horse around.  It
        warns you of impending hard disk attack once if by LAN, twice
        if by C:
Politically Correct Virus - never calls itself a "virus", but instead
        refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."
Right to life Virus - Won't allow you to delete a file regardless of
        how old it is.  If you attemp to erase a file, it requires you
        first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Ross Perot Virus - Activates every component in your system just
        before the whole thing quits.
Mario Cuomo Virus - It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
Oprah Winfry Virus - Your 2000 mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80 mb,
        then slowly expands back to 200 mb.
AT&T Virus - Every three minutes it tells you what great service you
        are getting.
MCI Virus - Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying
        too much for the AT&T Virus.
Ted Turner Virus - Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Arnold Schwarzennegger Virus - Terminates and stays resident.  It'll
        be back.
Government Economist Virus - Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
        software says everything is fine.
New World Order Virus - Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of 
        people really mad just thinking about it.
Terry Randle Virus - Yells "Oh, no you don't!" whenever you choose
        "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
Texas Virus - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve Virus - Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Michael Jackson Virus - Hard to identify because it is constantly
        altering its appearance.  This virus won't harm your PC,
        but it will trash your car.
Congressional Virus - The computer locks up, screen splits eratically
        with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side
        for the problem.
Airline Virus - You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Freudian Virus - Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its 
        own motherboard.
PBS Virus - Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Elvis Virus - Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then self
        destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service
        stations across rural America.
Ollie North Virus - Turns your printer into a document shredder.
Nike Virus - Just Does It!
Sears Virus - Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
        power supply, and a set of shocks.
Jimmy Hoffa Virus - Nobody can find it.
Congressional Virus - Runs every program on the hard drive
        simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish
        anything.
Kevorkian Virus - Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
Imelda Marcos Virus - Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up
        then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it
        all on expensive shoes it purchases throught Prodigy.
Star Trek Virus - Invades your system in places where no virus has
        gone before.
Health Care Virus - Test your system for a day, finds nothing wrong,
        and sends you a bill for $4,500.
George Bush Virus - It starts by boldly stating, "Read my test.... no
        new files!" on the screen, proceeds to fill up all the free
        space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the
        Congress Virus.
Cleveland Indians Virus - Makes your 486/50 machine perform like
        a 286/AT.
LAPD Virus - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your
        PC and erases them in "self-defense."
Chicago Cubs Virus - Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in
        last in the reviews, but you still love it.