----------------------------------------- -=THE COMPLEAT COMPUTER NERD DICTIONARY=- ----------------------------------------- -=By The Quartz=- (C) 1985 DEGPUG TEXT FILES REVISION 2.0 - OCTOBER ----------------------------------- CALL THE HAUNTED HOUSE 415-941-7256 ----------------------------------- INTRODUCTION: I am not a computer nerd and neither are you. We rarley see many computer nerds on the cool bbs's and if we do maybe they're checking out the 'programming boards' and using their real names. But there is a much broader character to which that a computer nerd really is. A computer nerd has as much character for a text file, as shall we say, Matt Ackeret. Thats why this file was written. To explore the nature of those ultra-nerds who would make the guys in Reveng of the Nerds look like the Fonz. We're not putting down this group of people, we're merly making a statement about society. So lets get on with the dictionary, shall we? APPLE - n. A computer company the computer nerd frequently calls to see if "Steve's around." Also the makers of a computer by the same name. AWESOME - exc. A frequnetly over used word in conjunction with the word girl [an AWESOME girl] or an computer [an AWESOME computer] ASSWIPE - n. Those super-jocks who trip and tease a computer nerd at school. Although he has little control over these social delemas, often when talking in the presense of his friends, a computer nerd will refer to a 'jock' as an 'asswipe.' BITCH(1) - n. The latest pretty, blonde, voluptous girl cheerleader that turned a computer nerd down when he asked her for a date. This was the one that took him two years to get enought courage to ask her. BITCH(2) - v. What a computer nerd's mom is when she makes him wear his bike helmet to school especially when she follows him to school to make sure it's securly fastined onto his head. BRA - n. Something which serves no purpose other than that you take it off during sex [that is if you CAN get it off.] BREAST(1) - n. Something a computer nerd is always looking at but can never get. BREAST(2) - n. Something a computer nerd could make bigger to impress all the cheerleaders but he took ADVANCED 80126 PROGRAMMING instead of weight training. BREAST ENLARGMENT - what most of the girls in the school have to impress and delight the football players BUMPTER STICKER - n. If a computer nerd had one of these it would say something like, 'I'd Rather Be Using Turbo Pascal' or 'Have you Hugged your 6502 today?' or 'Steve Woz is really a hacker.' CALCULATOR -n. What a computer nerd is thankful for because without them he'd be using a slide ruler. CIRCUIT - n. What a computer nerd do without this piece of machinery? CHIP - n. Not refering to one of Nestle's. CHOICE - exc. A frequently over used word such the same meaning as AWESOME but not used in the sense of a 'choice girl.' [A choice computer, a choice program] COMMODORE - n. The best computer company - makers of such classics as the COMMADORE PET [the computer a computer nerd first learned to program on] and the VIC-20. COMPUTER - n. Man's greatest achievment besides that of calculator watches COPY - v. What a computer nerd must let the pretty cheerleader that sits next to him do when she forgot to do her homework. CUTE - adj. What you hope that pretty blonde cheerleader in your biology class is thinking you are right now. CRAP - exc. An excalmatory word a computer nerd uses to express supreme despair. Usually used after he get's a 'computer out of memory error' when he just finished typing in that big program from COMPUTE magazine. DANCE - n. A school event which caused more humiliation to the computer nerd than spirit week only it happens every month. A computer nerd goes anyways. DIGITIZER - n. A computer device used to copy Playboy centerfolds. This is so that a computer nerd can get off using the latest high tech equipment. DISK - n. A computer nerd's pride and joy DITCH - v. What a computer nerd's friends did to him that last time they went t.p.ing DOPE(1) - n. A word refering to a computer nerd's little brother when he accidently gets a booger caught in the the shift key so it no longer works. DOPE(2) - n. Something a computer nerd's father would never let him try. ELECTRONICS -n. The art of knowning how to make blue boxes, red boxes and how to make a light turn on across the room to impress your friends. FINE -adj. When he's walking around campus, most of the upperclassman girls are this way to a computer nerd. FOOTBALL - n. What happens every Friday to further mangle a computer nerd's social life. The dumbest invension besides 8 1/2 inch disks because you can't carry an 8 1/2 disk in your backpack to the library. FRESHMAN -n. The worst school year a computer nerd ever had FRATERNITY - n. A group of guys in college who drink achohol whistle at girls, smoke marijuana and other cool things a computer nerd would never be caught doing GEEK - n. Like a computer nerd but more of a nerd who thinks he's cool. HACKER - n. A computer nerd's hero. Someone who programs and makes money like Steve Jobs. HELL - n. The place where a computer nerd tells that super jock in his class to go to. IBM - n. That captalistic computer company. JOCK - n. Any asswipe who's on the Varsity football team KICK - n. What a computer nerd vous to do after somone trips him. Usually used in conjuction with 'ass' - [kick ASS] LIKE - v. Refering to the computer nerd crush on a girl in the sixth grade [I liked...] LOVE - v. What the computer nerd was dreamed he made to the prettiest girl in school. LUNCH - n. That precious time a computer nerd has between 4th and 5th period when he can work on his program or discuss the latest issue of Byte with the computer teacher. MACHO - adj. How all cheerleaders like their guys [accord. to compu-nerd] [ANT. See Sensitive] MASTURBATE - v. Something a computer nerd's parents told him not to do because he might grow hair on his plams. MODEM - n. What a computer nerd rarely has time for because of tight prgramming. Usually when he's on it, instead of calling the 'in' bbs's he calls RBBS and RCP/M to discuss technical stuff with adult computer nerds. MOTHER(1) - n. a computer nerd's conceiver. MOTHER(2) - adj, n. Refereing to a jock who tripped the computer nerd the other day - used in conjunction with the word FUCKER. [motherfucker] NERD -n. Those guys in Revenge of the Nerds who act funny and laugh weird but in the end get pussy. NERDETTE -n. That butt-ugly girl who follows the computer nerd around and stares at him during class. Though he is flattered because someone actually pays attention to him, he formally rejects her because her chest is probably concave. NEXUS - n. A bbs software the computer nerd uses because 'networks is too hard to modify.' Otherwise a computer nerd would rather write his own software. ORIENTED - adj. A word describing the kind of bbs a computer nerd runs usually refering to something technical. 'A bbs oriented towards CP/M and LISP' PHONE -n. A computer nerd has a separte one of these - one for Data, One for Voice calls and one so Dad can ring on the intercom when its time for supper. PROGRAM -n. What a computer nerd would rather be doing than crusing girls, or other normal 'teenage' things RAD -exc. An exclamatory word which is the most over used word in a computer nerd's vocabulary. Although many other people use this word, a computer nerd will undoubtobly use the word 'rad' as much as a Valley-Girl uses 'like.' RALLEY -n That time when all the people who go to the football games get together and say stupid up-with-school-spirit cheers. REVENGE - v. A computer nerd dreams of this but never has time to do get around to planning it - he's to busy working on his latest program. RUBBER - n. A piece of rubber material used to prevent mini-computer nerd's from appearing although this event is unlikely to occur. SENSITIVE - adj. What all cheerleaders secretly would like thier guys to be. [accord. to Dear Abby] SEX - v. The thing in which computer nerd's tell their computer nerd friends they had. [i had SEX] SLIDE RULE - n. Something a computer nerd's dad carried around in the olden days in place of a calucaltor SPIRIT WEEK - n. An attrocious waste of time where it's supposedly funny to dress up and act like the nerd. However, he never sees this put-down since he's in the computer center during all of Spirit Week anyway. Why bother? STONER - n. Those guys who still listen to Led Zeppelin. TEXT FILE -n. A computer nerd would rather be programming than writing one of these but if he does have time to write text files, it usualyl in the form of some sexual fantasy. ULTRA-RAD - exc. An excalmatory remark used by computer nerd's to describe the computer faire they just went to. VIXEN - n. A voluptuous girl at school who's reportedly had sex with have the guys in the school yet secretly winks at the computer nerd. ZIPPER - n. What a computer nerd forgets to zip after he goes to the bathroom, causing major embarrassment. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= FOR QUESTIONS, COMMETS, ETC concering this dictionary or if you want to add some of your own words, contact me, THE QUARTZ on the HAUNTED HOUSE at 415-941-7256. 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