File : BARRI.TXT Author : Unknown BBS : The Banana Republic BBS 30/07/89 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is the story of Barri, an unusual Banana, a bouncer, a boozer, and a quadraplegic boxer and, his altogether different friend ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I first saw Barri at the pub (he is to be found there most nights of the week, as he is unable to resist a beer, being a bit of a boozer). Barri, although being a quite retiring sort, is occassionally to be found in the midst of trouble at his favourite spot by the bar, this may seem strange as it is not in his nature to be a trouble maker, but rather it is his unfortunate condition, which seems to incite a certain breed of person. People who know, no better, and those who are want to cause trouble (as people the whole world over sometimes do) approach Barri, and mistakenly assuming that this apparently shy Banana, will provide a bit of sport, begin to tease him saying "Hey you, we don't like Bananas sitting near us, that's my air you're breathing!" Barri usually ignores them, but sometimes when pushed beyond his limits, or when forced to by the circumstances beyond his control, he reveals, that he is a bouncer at a local Rhythm and Blues Bar, and having had to learn a craft of self-defence (forced to, somewhat by the very nature of his profession) that he is a boxer. It was, under these circumstances that I met Barri, the boozing (some would even say alcoholic), boxing, bouncer Banana and his altogether different friend. Barri was sitting at his favourite spot near the bar, when I, having spotted him from across the room, came over and introduced myself. Barri was polite, and indicated that I should sit with him, being the very well mannered genial type that he is. He mentioned briefly, as I sat feeling rather awkward, that he was expecting an aqaintance, but that I was more than welcome to join them. Very soon after, we were indeed joined, just as Barri had previously mentioned, by his altogether different friend, a somewhat seedy fellow (which supprised me, for Barri had seemed to me to be a Banana of principles) a dictator of ill-repute. As I sat talking with Barri, and his altogether different friend, I gradually began to piece together bits of his character, and some of the circumstances surrounding his relationship with his altogether different friend, the dictator. Barri had met the dictator, it seems, answering a situations vacant ad in a Soldier of Fortune magazine (although why Barri, this seemingly harmless Banana (quite apart from the fact that he is a boxer) would be reading Soldier of Fortune magazine is beyond me). It seems that the dictator required someone to train a para-military force for a Banana Republic somewhere in the South Pacific, and although Barri mentioned nothing to me, I could tell by a strange gleam in his eye, that there was some part of him that yearned, once again, for the excitement and danger of a combat situation. (It is at this point that I must reveal that Barri, the dictator, and I were actually sitting in an establishment, frequented by the Hells Angels, so perhaps it is this way, that he expressed his desire for danger.) It soon became clear to me that the dictator, was more than just Barri's employer, and I could see as I sat there, in the midst of 250 inebriated gang members, that there was a real bond between these two friends. Barri, began to tell me about his life, and it is indeed a strange tale of excitement, adventure and, at times sorrow (for who amongst us can say that we have truely lived, if our experiences do not contain some sorrow along the way) and I feel that Barri, has in no way finished with his life, it seems as though this point in time is but a small pause in his hectic lifestyle. For reasons of safety, security and, just because of the fact that Barri may be injuried if I repeat some of the comments he made to me, I will have to refrain from speaking of all he told me, however, I can reveal that Barri, has during his life been: a South Seas Pirate; involved in the Arms for Contras deal of the Regan Administration (I believe he actually financed purchases from Mainland China); involved in smuggling refuge Bananas from the Fiji Islands, to Southern Australia, during the recent coup there and, although I only heard a mumbled, broken, whisper I believe he may in fact know something about the strange, even horrific tales, involving that vigilante, the Masked Banana. The time was getting on, the lights around the bar seemed to be dimmer than before, and most of the gang members had departed, but Barri was to reveal to me, in this ever encroaching darkness, perhaps the strangest of his tales thus far. It was during a training jump over the wilds of Papua New Guinnea, apparently, that this strongest of friendships, between the ever likeable Banana, Barri, and his altogether different (even seedy) friend, the dictator (and stranger still was the fact that the dictator seemed even more at home in the increasing darkness, as though his persona was solidifying and becoming more real) was truely forged, in the fires of a common suffering. It seems that, Barri, and the dictator were involved in a training parachute and survival jump over the interior of Papua New Guinnea (one of the only truely untamed jungles, although the Amazon Basin may also lay claim to this title, on the face of the earth) when, their plane was damamged in a tropical cyclone, (trpical cyclones being somewhat more common over Papua New Guinnea (and more violent), than the rest of the Pacific). This cyclone forced them to crash land their plane in the very heart of the wilds of the tiny island. It is here that the proceedings, become slightly confused (whether this is to be atrributed to the late nature of the hour, the amount of alcohol consumed, or the very nature of their experiences, I cannot tell) but it appears that Barri, a Banana of courage, and his altogether different friend, stumbled onto a strange hidden civilization, a remanant of a Japanese infantry division, that was hiding in this remote region, refusing to acknowledge the end of the war, but rather waiting quietly, building up their numbers and their weaponry in preparation for an all out assult on Singapore. I cannot tell what horrors Barri, and the dictator (a rather seedy charcter) endured, all I can say is that when they emerged from the tropical jungle over 5 months later, carrying over a 300 Japanese made cameras, watches, and hi-fi units (and some say that there is even now, a division of the Mitsubishi Coporation of Japan, operating from the wilds of central Papua New Guinnea) that there was now friendship of truely epic proportions, bonding Barri, a boozer (he is first to admit to this very fact), a bouncer, a quadraplegic boxer, a REAL Banana and his altogether different friend, a rather seedy character, the dictator. It was by now, well after 4am (and yet the bar was still open, almost as if it refused to close whilst Barri remained there) and I rose to take my leave. Barri shook my hand warmly, and mentioned that if I should ever pass by the Rhythm and Blues Bar where he bounces, or even the Banana Republic (at which point the dictator smiled and nodded) where he spends much of his time, that I should drop in and say hello. As I walked out the door of the bar, into the cold, dark night I couldn't help feeling that, this night, I had indeed met a unique Banana, that now remains a part of me forever. Oh, and Barri says Hi. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AUTHOR: Unknown (well I'll give you a guess, sometimes called LP) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------