------------ Anarchy Inc. ...Presents... ------------ The Pet Rock Files! From The Prophet's Forum <17> of The Haunted House (415) 941-7256 * Msg by: A Modem User (#014) * Posted: Mon Oct 14 3:40 PM "MY PET ROCK" A thesis by: A Modem User My pet rock's name is George. He is very neat. He is a lovely shade of gray. He listens to my every command, especially "Stay". He does not eat or make messies around the house. When I get mad I throw him at people. He is my buddy. * Msg by: Raat Tank (#306) * Posted: Mon Oct 14 5:10 PM "THEY DO" a BS report by Raat The Reproduction of Pet rocks is difficult, and nearly impossable. It involves two rocks gettin' together and doing 'something naughty'. The first rock (for scientific purposes we call the rocks A and B), rock A, must somehow get on top of rock B. This is usualy accomplished by:- 1.) Your mother cleans up your room and puts the rocks on top of each other, 'so she can dust'. 2.) You are feeling 'excited' and decide to put one rock on top of the other for kicks no I don't think so either 3.) The third and most uncommon is that the rocks roll off the table and land on each other. Then rock A (who is on top) tries and tries to chip himself ( This is done by by rock A moving back and forth on top of B really vigorously ) Once he has chipped himself he will fall off rock B and lie panting on the floor. Rock B, now somehow absorbs the chip of rock A (The scientists of the National Enquirer are still researching how) and then begins 'breakdown' Breakdown: this is what happens after the rock absorbs the chip of the other rock....If ya didn't guess already. after the chip is absorbed it is broken dow into smaller chips by rock B's 'grinder'. The small chips then preceed through rock B's internal pu...cat, (throat clearing sound) and into the rockerus, here the chips begin to struggle up the Rockiducts to reach the Rockary. When and if, the chips get to the Rockary, they then try and break through the Rockcell and if they do (very unlikely 'cause the Rockcell is made of granite) the Rockcell rolls down the Rockiducts and comes to rest in the Rockerus, where it grows and expands. After 2 months the baby rock is shaped and after about 950 grueling months, the baby rock is conceived. This usually causes Rock B to break (or in human terms ..die) If the momma rock dies then baby rock goes to an orphanage and waits to be picked up and carried home. These orphanages are called 'beaches' and 'quarries' in human terms. Baby Rocks reach adulthood in approxiamtely 200 years. >>==-->RT<--==<< * Msg by: The Saracen (#294) * Posted: Mon Oct 14 9:14 PM What is the most interesting, or innovative trick you have pet you're Pet Rock? I taught mine to ATTACK. So far, I haven't used it much, and unfortunately, he still needs a little help in this field. Also, making a Pet Rock ATTACK too much will cause it to chip and maybe get pregnant (as stated in above msgs)...Please use this command with care! there are already enough abandoned Pet Rocks out there! Did you know that many people actually take their Pet Rock, once it is past the 'cute' pebble stage, and set it free in fields or mountanous areas. Some people just leave them on the road. Not only is this dangerous to the poor defenseless rock, but passing cars may suffer, depending on the size of the pet. In closing, let me state...NEVER let a young child go unsupervised around a Pet Rock trained to ATTACK, most children are prone to making the pet rock attack such fragile items as windows, and their best friends...So, remember, a Pet Rock is only as harmful as the one who trains him...Thank You...K-bye Saracen... -BfB- * Msg by: Sir Hydra (#198) * Posted: Mon Oct 14 9:27 PM Sorry, whoever posted that theory on rock reproduction. A more correct and accurate theory: Rocks slowly accumulate dust, from moving air currents. When they get big enough, and are told to "Attack", eventually, they chip (fission). If you leave an abandoned pet rock long enough, it will grow into a mountain, then into a tectonic plate, and eventually, will reproduct massively through lava pressure from the core. Thus, it is not recommended that you leave your pet rock unattended for periods longer then 1 geological era. I hope that's settled the issue. One other thing- yes, you can tell rocks to "attack", but it requires assistance in the form of YOU. Now, should we instigate rock control? Remember: a rock is as dangerous as its owner. On the other hands, if rocks are outlawed, only outlaws will have rocks. Sir Hydra * Msg by: Iz Ugily (#303) * Posted: Mon Oct 14 11:59 PM Don't seem to like me very much, they always try and run away. I guess that they just can't relate to me, I just don't get stoned often enough anymore.. learned all sorts of useful 'tricks'. Not only did I teach him to 'ATTACK' but I taught him to come back by yelling the command 'DICK- HEAD!' It always seemed to work, but he couldn't control his affection. By the way, he and Sandy just had a baby, Pebbles... Iz * Msg by: The Watcher (#313) * Posted: Tue Oct 15 2:38 PM Train your pet rock to Smash, Guard and Dent. Smash: Rocks can do this quite well. I trained my rock (may God rest his soul) to Smash. Whenever I gave the command, he would fall off the shelf or table he was sitting on and smash whatever was underneath. One day, I mistakenly told h him to smash, forgetting that he was on the ledge of a 20-story window. Guard: Another pet rock that I had could do this very well. I kept him around t my desk, and he would guard all those loose papers that were lying around. Un- fortunately, my parental unit decided to clean my desk once when I was on va vacation. Dent: I have trained my current pet rock to dent things. He can put a fairly good-sized dent in an an enemy's car or front door, like he did to the vice- principal's car once. I hear that it cost around $500 to fix that... *={ tW }=* Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open