F I D O N E W S Volume 17, Number 03 17 Jan 2000 +----------------------------+---------------------------------------+ | The newsletter of the | ISSN 1198-4589 Published by: | | FidoNet community | "FidoNews" | | _ | 1-717-732-6820 1:270/720 | | / \ | | | /|oo \ | | | (_| /_) | | | _`@/_ \ _ | | | | | \ \\ | Editor: Douglas Myers, 1:270/720 | | | (*) | \ )) | DougM@paonline.com | | |__U__| / \// | | | _//|| _\ / | | | (_/(_|(____/ | | | (jm) | Newspapers should have no friends. | | | -- JOSEPH PULITZER | +----------------------------+---------------------------------------+ Table of Contents 1. EDITORIAL ................................................ 1 Is the Doggie Dead? ...................................... 1 2. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR .................................... 3 Fidonews: cut back Volume ............................... 3 3. ARTICLES ................................................. 4 The Sad State of Today's Fidonet ......................... 4 4. COLUMNS .................................................. 5 ECHO TALK - Excuses ...................................... 5 Fidonet-related sites .................................... 7 Friends@Fidonet .......................................... 10 5. NET HUMOR ................................................ 14 Jesus and Moses .......................................... 14 Clinton's Pigs ........................................... 14 6. COMIX IN ASCII ........................................... 16 Cow Circus: Tightrope Walking ............................ 16 7. FIDONEWS INFORMATION ..................................... 17 Masthead ................................................. 17 FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 1 17 Jan 2000 ================================================================= EDITORIAL ================================================================= Is the Doggie Dead? Doug Myers "Is the doggie dead?" asks Roy Reed in email this week. I'm at a loss to answer him. Roy has never put up a BBS, but is a strong contributor to many echoes. I formed a friendship with Roy in the BATPOWER echo, where we still enjoy trading techniques for writing old DOS batch files. Ever since I've known Roy, he's been searching for a BBS... they keep closing down around him. I believe that all the BBSes local to him shut down, and he's been teleneting to get Fido over the last year or so. I'm not sure what prompted his question this time... he may have lost another BBS to Y2K issues or he may have just noticed a decline in traffic in his favorite echoes. But the Doggie will suffer at least a limp paw if Roy can't connect. He perches in the BATPOWER echo and watches the questions coming in. He's written some of the durndest batch solutions to sysop and user problems that I've ever seen, lending a lot of credibility that Fidonet is the place to be for help. Is the doggie dying?" asks Kent Anderson in his article in this issue. Kent isn't in the Fidonet nodelist as he points off of Gary Craine's system, but Kent is, by any measure, a Big Man On Campus due to his moderator activities. Kent spells out the dramatic decline in listed nodes over the past few years, and wonders aloud what it all means. I wonder what Fidonet would be like if Kent hadn't been around to guide the echoes he has. Certainly he's conducive to the doggie's health and well-being. "Will the doggie survive?" asked John Boyer as 1999 drew to a close. John has run a BBS since the 80's, though it's been on auto-pilot for many years. John sent me netmail in December thanking me for being a reliable hub for him, and telling me that his mailer, tosser, bbs, and computer were not Y2K compliant, so he'd be shutting down on December 31st. I don't know if his nodelist segment has been deleted yet as I haven't gotten nodediffs since the new year started, but we're down one. "Is the doggie still barking?" asks Paulette Matthews when I phoned her regarding her system. It stopped responding a couple of weeks ago, and I just wanted to see if she could use some help. Her BBS was an old Renegade version (the last one which supported the 8088). After she upgraded her mother board, though, it was impractical to upgrade her Renegade package without destroying the user data base, so she continued running the old version. Now the BBS won't FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 2 17 Jan 2000 initialize and needs replaced. My guess is that she probably needs the patched version of Squish, too. I haven't removed her nodelist segment yet... I'm still a cosysop there from the old days, and I'm overdue to pay her family a visit. It won't be the first time I visited with disks in hand. We'll avoid losing one, anyway. So how is the doggie's health? I've related the condition of a few of the folks I know, only one of which is actually gone. Sitting here, I see some sluggishness in echomail, but I don't know whether it's over Y2K problems or the aftermath of George Peace disconnecting from Fido. One netmail from zone 2 took about sixteen days to get here... but is that a sign that things are fouled up or a sign that they're clearing? I don't really know the state of the doggie... I guess it depends on how we all pull together. ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 3 17 Jan 2000 ================================================================= LETTERS TO THE EDITOR ================================================================= Fidonews: cut back Volume Netmail from Markus Fischer, 2:2410/204 ---------- MF> time flies so fast ... last week we got volume 17 issue 1 of the MF> snooze and now we have volume 18 issue 2 - where has that year MF> gone!? :-) Thanks for spotting this - it speaks volumes of your powers of observation :) ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 4 17 Jan 2000 ================================================================= ARTICLES ================================================================= The Sad State of Today's Fidonet Kent Anderson 1:382.92.6, kand@jump.net For this week's Nodelist.014, statistics show that only 2,877 nodes remain in Zone 1, which comprises the USA and Canada. If we peer more deeply into the list, we find that there are nodes that are: Administrative 37 Hosts 215 Hubs 268 Down 99 Pvt 183 Mail Only 390 This means that in the entire United States and Canada, there are only 1,685 nodes which appear to be BBS's serving users and providing BBS services. The number is dropping by forty to fifty nodes each week. If one considers that only three and a half years ago, there were over 17,000 Zone 1 Nodes, with a proportionate number being full BBS's, it presents a very sad picture for the devotee of echomail and other more local services provided by such systems. The amount of echomail appearing in all echoes seems to drop each week as users are stranded with no point to pickup the messages. 'tis a sad, sad case and it does not appear to have any end except that which appears inevitable. I surely hope that that band I hear in the background is not practising a funeral dirge. ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 5 17 Jan 2000 ================================================================= COLUMNS ================================================================= . -- -- -- -- -- ECHO TALK -- -- -- -- -- . | Food for thought from Fido's echomail. | | Purloined without permission by D Myers | ` -- -- -- -- -- -- - -- -- -- -- -- -- ' Excuses Joe Nicholson 1:202/911 During a period of abnormal echo activity (I was actually getting echoes here briefly), I came across this fine offer in the Zone 1 Coordinator Conference. Extracted from echomail from Joe Nicholson to Clay Tannacore, here it is: -------------------- Don't wait for Y2K! Time is already running out! Move quick on this deal! Hello fellow patriots, militia members, Clinton loathers, UN despisers, 2nd Amendment touters, NWO fighters, black-helicopter monitors, and other conspiracy theorists. As you may or may not know Y2K is coming, along with (suposedly): 1) martial law (or marshall law for some of you) 2) suspension of the Constitution 3) misuse of Executive Orders to give overarching power to FEMA 4) targetting of "militia/patriot" members for false charges by (insert name of law enforcement agency here) 5) introduction of UN troops already training in secret bases to enforce the aforementioned martial law 6) establishment of the New World Order in the form of the One World Government But, as is the case with almost all such grandiose doom and gloom predictions.... IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! So before you hunker in your bunker, turn on your shortwave radios and light your already short fuses, time to invest in the future. Put a down payment on an excuse, alibi, rationale, or other means to explain away why your paranoid rants turn out to be DEAD BANG WRONG! There are loads to choose from! Popular ones include: 1) Our "knowledge" of the conspiracy ensured that it did not happen because "they" knew we'd be ready. 2) Nothing happened on 1/1/00 so we will get complacent. But 1/2/00, FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 6 17 Jan 2000 look out! 3) The UN troops were ready to march in and take over, but the tanks were driven by men who REFUSED to ask for directions and instead invaded Canada. 4) When we said Clinton was going to declare Martial Law, we meant he'd declare the CBS show the best of the season! 5) That crazy Pope Gregory reset the calendar and threw us for a loop. (Leads into the classic "Papist Plot" conspiracy extension pack. Sold seperately.) 6) Sure it didn't happen at y2k, but we are TOTALLY ready for y3k! 7) The takeover/martial law et. al. really DID happen. This is just the dream, or are we the dreamer? (Lewis Caroll collection available now at www.WackJobConspirayMetaphors.com) 8) The entire armed plot couldn't stop giggling when Clinton said he'd declare himself "dictator". 9) The UN realized that it wouldn't be able to set up a One World Government lead by a guy named "Kofi". and finally 10) WE WERE WRONG FOR CRYING WOLF! Others available. Call for pricing. Yes, you too can be the envy of your militia cell as you explain away the last 18 months (or longer) of paranoid rants that never came to fruition. Dazzle your fellow "patriots"! Amaze "common law grand juries" for hours! Best of all, there is a 0% money back guarentee. If there really IS all this crap crashing down on January 1, 2000, this company and its employees will marched off to the "UN concentration camps". But YOU will have the warm, fuzzy feeling of knowing you are right as you drive a Ryder truck full of explosives into the UN Secretariat building. Isn't that just as good as money? (Especially if you figure the Federal Reserve Notes are not "real' money, and the US is bankrupt, and you can redeem your "straw man" just by following....) So contact us today! Special for the Holidays: Buy one excuse for Y2K not becoming the harbinger of the Apocalypse and we'll throw in one of the following lame explinations at NO extra charge! 1) "Really, honey. This naked woman walked into our bedroom and said 'Sleep with me or I'll die.'" 2) "It wasn't me. It was the dog." 3) "No I am not bitchy because of PMS! Why do you think it is PMS? Do you think every opinionated woman has PMS? Where the hell is my frying pan?" (Note: three day waiting period on acquiring this one) 4) "That was the dog too." Contact us at: (Address erased by Project Echelon) Hurry, supplies are limited! FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 7 17 Jan 2000 ----------------------------------------------------------------- ! = New entries this week ? = not responding ?? = unknown content, doesn't look like fidonet . -- -- -- -- --- -- -- -- -- . | FIDONET-RELATED SITES | ` -- -- -- -- --- -- -- -- -- ' Last update: Jan 15, 2000 FidoNet Homepage: http://www.fidonet.org FidoNews: http://www.fidonews.org [HTML] ftp://ftp.nwstar.com/fidonet/fidonews/ ftp://ftp.sstar.com/fidonet/fnews/ Echomail links: http://www.osirusoft.com/fidoip.html SDS Files: http://fidobbs.dk/download (Web Access to SDS) FTSC page: http://www.ftsc.org/ General: http://owls.com/~jerrys/fidonet.html List server: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/fidonet-discussion Zone 1: http://www.z1.fidonet.org Region 10: http://www.psnw.com/~net205/region10.html http://www.tnl-online.com/andy/rgn10.htm Net 103: http://www.webworldinc.com/club103/ Net 203: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/8687/net203index.html Region 11: http://oeonline.com/~garyg/region11/ Net 2410: http://oeonline.com/~garyg/net2410/ Region 12: http://sparkys.dyndns.org Region 13: http://www.net264.org/r13.htm Net 264: http://www.net264.org/ Net 275: http://www.homershut.net/~mahoover/net275/ Region 14: Net 282: http://www.rxn.com/~net282/ Region 15: Region 16: Region 17: http://www.nwstar.com/~region17/ Region 18: http://techshop.pdn.net/fido/ Region 19: Net 124: http://www.startext.net/np/net124 http://texoma.net/~flv Net 130: http://www.startext.net/homes/net130 Net 393: http://www.chatter.com/~wb/ Zone 1 Elist http://members.xoom.com/echolist/ Zone 2: http://www.z2.fidonet.org ftp://ftp.sstar.com/fidonet/zone2 (Z2 nodelists etc.) Region 20: http://www.fidonet.pp.se (in Swedish) Region 23: http://www.fido.dk (in Danish) Region 24: http://www.swb.de/personal/flop/gatebau.html (German) Fido-IP: http://home.nrh.de/fido/ (English/German) FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 8 17 Jan 2000 Region 25: http://www.literary.freeserve.co.uk/net2502/ Region 26: http://www.nemesis.ie REC 26: http://www.nrgsys.com/orb Region 27: http://telematique.org/ft/r27.htm Region 29: http://www.rtfm.be/fidonet/ (French) Region 30: http://www.fidonet.ch (German) ? Region 33: http://www.fidoitalia.net (Italian) Region 34: http://www.pobox.com/cnb/r34.htm (Spanish) REC34: http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/4552/ Region 36: http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/7207/ Region 38: http://public.st.carnet.hr/~blagi/bbs/adriam.html Region 41: http://www.fidonet.gr (Greek/English) Region 42: http://www.fido.cz ! Net422: http://www.fido.sk (Slovak/English) Region 50: http://www.fido7.com/ (Russian) Net 5010: http://fido.tu-chel.ac.ru/ (Russian) Net 5015: http://www.fido.nnov.ru/ (Russian) Net 5030: http://kenga.ru/fido/ (Russian & English) Net 5049: http://www.n5049.z2.fidonet.org (English/Russian) ?? Net 5085: http://www.fidonet.uz/ (Russian) Zone 3: http://www.z3.fidonet.org Zone 4: Region 80: http://fidobrasil.8m.com (Portuguese) Region 90: Net 904: http://members.tripod.com/~net904 (Spanish) Zone 5: http://www.eastcape.co.za/fidonet/ Zone 6: http://www.z6.fidonet.org Region 65: http://www.cfido.com/fidonet/cfidochina.html (Chinese) Fidonet Via Internet Hubs See also: http://www.osirusoft.com/fidoip.html a @ preceding an individual's name implies a virtual email address. The email is translated as follows firstlast@osirusoft.com will automatically route to the appropriate individual's email. Anyone in this list will also receive routed notice of this feature. In my case, it would still be joejared@osirusoft.com, but you get the idea. Also, as information is provided to me, I will be adding a latency field to each node, which is defined as the maximum time between when the message is received, and when it is sent on to other nodes, or available to be sent onward, defined in minutes. A latency of ! implies that there is an immediate response, and an attempt to deliver immediately after processing, or a "MinuteMail System", as it were. v-email flag firstnamelastname@osirusoft.com | email address or FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 9 17 Jan 2000 Node# | Operator | Facilities (*) | Speed,| Basic Rate | | |latency| -----------+-------------------+----------------+-------+------------ Zone 1 | | | | 10/3 @ Brenda Donovan | FTP,UUE,BinkP | 384K,30| n/c 10/345 @ Todd Cochrane | FTP,BinkP,VMOT | T1,! | n/c 12/12 @ Ken Wilson | FTP | T1 | $24mo. 13/25 @ Jim Balcom | FTP | 56k | $20mo. 103/5 @ Mark Luetger | BinkP | 384k,!| n/c 103/153 @ Michael Box | BinkP | aDSL,!| n/c 103/301 @ Joe Jared | BinkP,FTP | aDSL,!| n/c 103/401 @ Warren Bonner | BinkP | aDSL,!| n/c 105/8 | Russ Johnson | FTP,BinkP,VMoT | 384k | n/c 105/72 @ Larry James | FTP | aDSL | $50/yr 106/1 @ Matt Bedynek | BinkP, FTP | DS-3,5| $5/$15 mo 106/6018 | Lawrence Garvin | FTP, VMoT | aDSL,60| n/c 107/453 @ Jeffrey Estevez| FTP,BinkP,VMoT,UUE| 56k,60| $10 mo. 140/1 @ Bob Seaborn | FTP,BinkP | T3,30 | $5/$16 167/133 | Stephen Monteith | BinkP | 128k+ | n/c 211/417 @ Korombos | BinkP,UUE,FTP | T1 | n/c 218/109 @ Matt Munson | BinkP,UUE | 33.6k | n/c 244/2 | Kari Suomela | FTP,VMoT,BinkP,UUE| T1,! | $25.00/mo 246/160 @ Mason Vye | FTP, UUE | 56K | n/c 271/140 @ Tom Barstow | UUE,FTP | T1 | n/c 280/169 | Brian Greenstreet | FTP | 33.6 | $2mo. 342/3 @ Richard Dodsworth | BinkP,FTP | 128K+ | n/c 395/670 | Arthur Stark | BinkD,FTP | 128k | n/c 396/1 @ John Souvestre | FTP,VMoT | T1,10 | $5/mo 396/45 | Marc Lewis | UUE | 33.6 | $26/yr 2604/104 @ Jim Mclaughlin | FTP,VMoT,UUE | 33.6 | $1mo 2613/404 @ David Moufarrege | BinkP,FTP,VMoT | 128k+,!| n/c 2624/306 @ David Calafrancesco | VMoT | 33.6 | n/c 3613/2 @ jyates@bsdi.ldl.net | UUE | 28.8 | n/c 3632/84 | Robert Todd |FTP,VMoT,UUE,BinkP | 57.6k | n/c 3639/93 @ Ross Cassell | FTP, BinkP |128K+,!| n/c 3651/9 @ Jerry Gause | FTP,VMoT | 33.6 | $3/$6 -------------------------------------------------------------- Zone 2 | 20/11 | Henrik Lindhe | BinkP | ??? | n/c 31/1 | Gabriel Plutzar | BinkP | T1+ | n/c 203/600 | Mikael Karlsson | UUE | 64k | n/c 221/360 @ Tommi Koivula | BinkP,UUE | ??? | n/c 236/205 @ Michael Kaaber | BinkP | ??? | n/c 246/2098 | Volker Imre | BinkP | ??? | n/c 284/800 @ Jeroen VanDeLeur | FTP,UUE | 64k | n/c 292/626 | Filip Ruymen | Binkp, UUE | 128K+ | n/c 292/2003 | Eric Vaneberck | BinkP | 768k | n/c 301/1 | Peter Witschi | BinkP | 768k | n/c 332/807 | Roberto Mascolo | BinkP | ??? | n/c 335/535 @ Mario Mure | BinkP,VMot,UUE | 64k | n/c 335/610 | Gino Lucrezi | UUE | 33.6 | n/c 344/201 | Julio Garcia | BinkP | ??? | n/c 346/3 @ Carlos Navarro | UUE | ??? | n/c 382/100 | Sinisa Burina | BinkP | ??? | n/c 406/555 | Ofir Michaeli & | BinkP | ??? | n/c 406/555 | Marius Kaizerman | BinkP | ??? | n/c FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 10 17 Jan 2000 423/81 | Milos Bajer | BinkP | ??? | n/c 464/4077 | Serguei Trouchelle| UUE | 19.2 | n/c 465/204 | Va Milushnikov | BinkP | 33.6k | n/c 469/84 | Max Masyutin | VMoT | 256k | n/c 480/112 | Adam Sarapata| FTP, VMoT, UUE,BinkP| 128k | n/c 2411/413 @ Dennis Dittrich | UUE,BinkP | 64k | n/c 2446/301 | Lothar Behet | BinkP,VMoT,UUE,FTP | 64K | n/c 2474/275 | Christian Emig | UUE | 64k | unkn 5030/115 | Andrey Podkolzin | BinkP | ??? | n/c 5100/8 | Egons Bush | BinkP | ??? | n/c 5020/1159 | Gennady Kudryashoff | UUE | 33.6 | n/c -------------------------------------------------------------- Zone 3 633/260 @ Malcolm Miles | FTP,BinkP | 64K | n/c 640/954 | Rick Van Ruth | FTP,VMot,UUE,BinkP| 56K| n/c 774/605 @ Barry Blackford|BinkP,VMoT:10023,ifcico,FTP |33.6| n/c -------------------------------------------------------------- Zone 4 905/100 | Fabian Gervan | VMoT,UUE,BinkP | 128k | n/c 902/18 | Javier Tejedor | UUE | 33,6 | n/c -- * FTP = Internet File Transfer Protocol * VMoT = Virtual Mailer over Telnet (various) * UUE = uuencode<->email type transfers * BinkP = front end mailer for TCPIP networks ---------------------------------------------- Fidonet oriented news servers news.osirusoft.com news.tardis.net Fidonet oriented chat rooms. room #fidonet 5PM (PDT 11AM GMT) Sundays irc.isonline.com irc.killaz-r-us.com irc.korombos.org ---------------------------------------------- Please send updates, corrections and suggestions to Joe Jared, 1:103/301, joejared@osirusoft.com, and complaints to jarhead@osirusoft.com . ----------------------------------------------------------------- Friends@Fidonet Ol'WDB wdbonner@pacbell.net I would not normally forward an item as below but I happen to know FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 11 17 Jan 2000 this one is true. I read the entire story of these two friends in a Readers Digest magazine. It made me think of the various incidences in Fidonet over the past few years, which made me feel close to friends in Fidonet I have never personally met. Fidonet is a very special place. It is benevolent to every one equally... at least initially. It is a place you can visit with friends and foes alike. It is nonviolent by it's very nature...physically; but it can be as devastating mentally when misused and abused by malcontents. Sometimes we may inadvertently jump to a wrong conclusion simply because we are in a bad mood, bad hair-day, or whatever. Nonetheless we read into some comment in some echo, that which in another time would have gotten a snicker or a snort, of humor or `so what'; and make it into something NOT! Which brings me to reality about the sensitivities of the personalities in our electronic echoes under the umbrella of Fidonet. Perhaps the healing of all wounds would be the salvation of Fidonet if Fido-friends can forgive each others perceived shortcomings and enjoy the friendliness generated. ---I think this article is worth your time---8<-------------------- One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 12 17 Jan 2000 on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Darn boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach . . . , but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way. Each day of your life is a gift! Don't forget to say, "Thank you!" ---------------------8<-------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 13 17 Jan 2000 Let us make Fidonet a kinder, friendlier place in this new millennium, with new technologies and do it faster and better than ever before. WDBonner ICQ #17773628 ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 14 17 Jan 2000 ================================================================= NET HUMOR ================================================================= HUMOR selected by Ol'WDB Jesus and Moses Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day on Earth. The course they were on had a particularly difficult hole, and Moses expressed his doubts that Jesus could make the shot over the water. "Ah no, Moses, I think I can do it," explained Jesus. "I've seen Arnold Palmer make this shot, and if Arnold Palmer can do it, then so can I." Moses rolled his eyes and let Jesus try. Sure enough, the ball splashed into the water. Moses parted the water for Jesus, who went in to retrieve his ball. Jesus, however, was not ready to give up. "I know I can do this, Moses -- I've seen Arnold Palmer do it, and if he can do it, then so can I." True to form, however, Jesus' ball ended up back in the water. Moses parted the water, and Jesus went in to retrieve the ball. "Look, Jesus," said Moses. "Try again if you like, but I'm not parting the water for you again." "Fair enough, Moses," said Jesus. "But you know, I've seen Arnold Palmer make this shot, and if Arnold Palmer can do it, then so can I." Once again, Jesus' ball was in the water. Jesus proceeded to walk upon the water to get it. Another group of golfers came up behind Moses and saw Jesus walking on the water. "Holy Cow!" one of them said to Moses. "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?" "No," said Moses, rolling his eyes. "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Clinton's Pigs Thanks to Roy Reed rcreedv@juno.com As the President is getting off the helicopter in front of the White House,he has a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir." The President replies: "These are not pigs, these are authentic FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 15 17 Jan 2000 Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea." The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and replies, "Nice trade,sir." ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 16 17 Jan 2000 ================================================================= COMIX IN ASCII ================================================================= / / * (__) / \ ( OO / \---\___/\_|\=/> | \===/> | /______/ / _________\\_\\_____/____________________ ^ ^ / / / Cow Circus: Tightrope Walking ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 17 17 Jan 2000 ================================================================= FIDONEWS INFORMATION ================================================================= Masthead + -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- FIDONEWS STAFF - -- -- -- -- -- -- -- + | | | Editor: Douglas Myers, 1:270/720, DougM@paonline.com | | Webmaster: Jim Barchuk, jb@fidonews.org | | Columnist: Joe Jared, 1:103/0, jarhead@osirusoft.com | | (Fido Via Internet Hubs column) | | Columnist: Warren D. Bonner, 1:103/401, wdbonner@pacbell.net | | (Warren uses the pen name "Ol'WDB") | | Humor: Roy Reed, rcreed@juno.com | | | + -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- + + -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - EDITORS EMERITI - -- -- -- -- -- -- -- + | | | Tom Jennings, Thom Henderson, Dale Lovell, Vince | | Perriello, Tim Pozar, Sylvia Maxwell, Donald Tees, | | Christopher Baker, Zorch Frezberg, Henk Wolsink | | | + -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- + "Fido", "FidoNet" and the dog-with-diskette are U.S. registered trademarks of Tom Jennings, P.O. Box 410923, San Francisco, CA 94141, and are used with permission. Fidonews is published weekly by and for the members of Fidonet. Fidonews is Copyright (C) 2000 by Douglas Myers, though authors retain rights to their contributed articles. Opinion expressed by the authors is strictly their own. Noncommercial duplication and distribution within Fidonet is encouraged. Authors are encouraged to send their articles in ASCII text to Douglas Myers at one of his addresses above. The weekly edition of Fidonews is distributed through the file area FIDONEWS, and is published as echomail in the echo FIDONEWS. These sources are normally available through your Network Coordinator. The current and past issues are also available from the following sources: + -- -- -- -- -- -- - FIDONEWS AVAILABILITY - -- -- -- -- -- -- + | | | Freq FIDONEWS @ 1:270/720, 1:140/1, or 1:396/1 | | ftp://ftp.sstar.com/fidonet/fnews/ | | ftp://ftp.nwstar.com/fidonet/fidonews/ | | http://www.fidonews.org | | email subscription: majordomo@fidonews.org | | (subject: help body: list) | | ftp mail: ftpmail@fidonews.org (subject: help) | | | + -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- + FIDONEWS 17-03 Page 18 17 Jan 2000 -----------------------------------------------------------------