TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE XMAS AND ALL THRU THE HOUSE X THERE WERE EMPTIES AND BUTTS LEFT AROUND BY SOME X LOUSE X AND THE BEST X QUART I'D HID BY THE CHIMNEY WITH CARE HAD BEEN SWIPED, BY SOME BUM WHO'D DISCOVERED IT THERE. MY GUESTS ALL HAD LONG SINCE BEEN XX POURED IN THEIR BEDS TO WAKE X IN THE XXXX MORNING WITH GOSH XX AWFUL XX HEADS XX MY MOUTH FULLX OF XXXX COTTON HUNG DOWN TO MY LAP XXXXX BECAUSE I WAS DYING FOR ONE XX XXX MORE NITECAP.XXXXXXXXXX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX XXX X XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX X XXXXXXX X XXXXX O O X X X X XXX OOO OOO X X X X X X X XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX X X X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX X X X XXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX X X X WHEN THROUGH X THE NORTH WINDOW THERE X CAME X SUCH A SMELL, I SPRANG TO MY FEET X X TO SEE WHAT THE HELL, AND WHAT TO X X MY WONDERING EYES SHOULD SHOW UP XX X BUT EIGHT BLOATED RAINDEER HITCHED X X TO A BEER TRUCK WITH A LITTLE OLD XX X DRIVER WHO LOOKS LIKE A HICK- BUT I X X SAW IT WAS SANTA AS TIGHT AS A TICK X XXX STAGGERING ONWARD THOSE EIGHT XX XX REINDEER CAME WHILE HE HICCOUGHED AND BELCHED AS HE CALLED THEM X X BY NAME XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX X XXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X XXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX ON SCHENLEY XXXXXX- XXXXXXXXXXXXX -----XXXXXX ON SEAGRAM XXXX XXXXXXXXXX WE AIN'T GOT ALL NIGHT XXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX XX XXXX X XXX XXXX X XXX XXX X X XX X XX X XXXX X XXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX------------------ X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX---- YOU TOO HAIG - HAIG XXXX- ------------------------XXXXXX AND YOU TOO XXXX X XXXXXXX BLACK - WHITE XXXXX X XXXXXX XX X X XXX X XXX X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X XX XXX XX SCRAM UP ON THIS XXXXXXXX X ROOF GET THE HELL XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X OFF THIS WALL GET XXXXX X GOING YOU DUMMIES XXXXXX X WE'VE GOT A LONG XXXXX HAUL XXXX XX XXXXX SO X XX XX UP XXXXXX -ON- XX X THE X XXXX X ROOF X XXXXXXX WENT THE X REINDEER AND XXXXXXXXXX TRUCK BUT XXXXXXXXXXX A TREE BRANCH XXXXXXX HIT SANTA XXXX BEFORE HE COULDX X DUCK AND THEN IN A X TWINKLING I HEARD XX X FROM ABOVE A HELL OF X X A NOISE THAT WAS NO X X X COOING DOVE XXXXXXXXXX X X X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X X X SO I PULLED IN MY HEAD AND XXXXXXXXXXXXX I COCKED A SHARP EAR DOWN XX XXX THE CHIMNEY HE PLUNGED LANDING X X X SMACK ON HIS REAR - HE WAS XXXXXX X X X DRESSED UP IN FURS NO CUFFS ON HIS X X X PANTS XX AND THE WAY THE GUY SQUIRMED X WELL I GUESS HE HAD ANTS XX HE HAD X PINTS - QUARTS IN THE SACK ON HIS X X BACK AND A BREATH THAT'D BLOW A FREIGHT X TRAIN RIGHT OFF THE TRACK X HE WAS CHUBBY X AND PLUMP AND HE TRIED TO STAND RIGHT XXXXX X BUT HE DIDN'T FOOL ME HE WAS HIGH AS A KITE X X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXX XXXXXX XXXX XXXXXX XXXX XXX XXXXXXX XXXXXX XXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX XXXXXXXX XXXX XXX XXXXXXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXX XXX XXXX MERRY XXXXXXX XXXXX CHRISTMAS XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX YOU RUM DUMS XXXXX X XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXOTXXXXX XXXX X XXXX X X X XXXXXX XXXXX XXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX XXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX XX HE SPOKE NOT A WORD BUT WENT XX X XXXXXXXXXXXXXX X STRAIGHT TO WORK - AND MISSED HALFX XXXXXXXXXX XXXX XXX THE STOCKINGS THE PLASTERED OLD JERK XXXXXXXXXXXXX XX XXXXX XTHEN PUTTING FIVE FINGERS TO THE END OF HIS NOSE XXXXXXX XX XXXX XXX THAT HE TRIPPED ON A CABLE AND SLID ON HIS FACE XXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXX BUT I HEARD HIM BURP BACK WHEN HE PASSED OUT OF SIGHT XX XXXX XXXX MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU RUM-DUMS NOW REALLY GET TIGHT XXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X X XXX XX X XXXXXXXX X X X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X X XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU RUM-DUMS AUTHOR UNKNOWN