> Are You a Guy?
> 
> Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient
> 
> 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you
>    are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic
>    friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated
>    device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite
>    supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently
>    eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You
>    decide to:
> 
> a. Present it to the president of the United States.
> b. Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations.
> c. Take it apart.
> 
> 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss
>    the most?
> 
> a. Innocence.
> b. Idealism.
> c. Cherry bombs.
> 
> 3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
> 
> a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for
>    narrow-minded social conventions.
> b. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
> c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only
>    really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons,
>    you have to have him killed.
> 
> 4. What about hugging another male?
> 
> a. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
> b. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. (And even in this case, you
>    should repeatedly shout: "I am just dislodging food trapped in this male's
>    trachea!  I am not in any way aroused!")
> c. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run
>    to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that:
> 
>    (1) He is legally within the basepath,
>    (2) Both of you are wearing protective cups, and
>    (3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause
>        fractures.
> 
> 5. Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to...
> 
> a. ...remember the deceased and console his loved ones.
> b. ...reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
> c. ...tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.
> 
> 
> 6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
> 
> a. A cat.
> b. A dog.
> c. A dog that eats cats.
> 
> 7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and
>    intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her.  One leisurely Sunday
>    afternoon the two of you are taking it easy -- you're watching a
>    football game; she's reading the papers -- when she suddenly, out of
>    the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you,
>    but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your
>    relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to
>    get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future
>    together.  What do you say?
> 
> a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't
>    want to rush it.
> b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly
>    say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and
>    you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
> c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen.
> 
> 8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to
>    spend the rest of your life with her -- sharing the joys and the sorrows,
>    the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and opportunities
>    that the world has to offer, come what may.  How do you tell her?
> 
> a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
> b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and
>    when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars
>    in her eyes, you tell her.
> c. Tell her what?
> 
> 9. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get
>    your three children ready for school.  Your first question to her is:
> 
> a. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
> b. "They're in school already?"
> c. "There are three of them?"
> 
> 10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
> 
> a. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so
>    large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your
>    legs.
> b. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has
>    to be handled with tweezers.
> c. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the
>    garbage regularly in case somebody -- and we are not naming names, but
>    this would be his wife -- is quietly trying to discard his underwear,
>    which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more
>    intimate relationship with it than with her.
> 
> 11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact
>     that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before
>     they finally got to the Promised Land?
> 
> a. He was being tested.
> b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally
>    got there.
> c. He refused to ask directions.
> 
> 12. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
> 
> a. Democracy.
> b. Religion.
> c. Remote control.
> 
> How to Score: Give yourself one point for every time you picked answer
> "c." A real guy would score at least 10 on this test. In fact, a real guy
> would score at least 15, because he would get the special five-point bonus
> for knowing the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.
> 
> 




