
 MRS WOOD'S MULE.....IT GOES LIKE THIS;

   MRS. GEORGE WOOD, NOW DECEASED, OF CHOWAN COUNTY, HAD A MULE WHO
WAS NAMED HORACE. ONE EVENING SHE CALLED UP DR. SATTERFIELD IN EDENTON
AND SAID TO HIM, "DOCTOR, HORACE IS SICK, AND I WISH YOU WOULD COME
AND TAKE A LOOK AT HIM." DOCTOR SATTERFIELD REPLIED "FANNIE LAMB
IT'S AFTER SIX PM, AND I'M EATING SUPPER. GIVE HIM A DOSE OF MINERAL
OIL, AND IF HE ISN'T ALL RIGHT IN THE MORNING, CALL ME AND I'LL COME
AND TAKE A LOOK AT HIM."

"HOW'LL I GIVE IT TO HIM?" SHE INQUIRED.     " THROUGH A FUNNEL, "
THE GOOD DOCTOR REPLIED.    "BUT HE MIGHT BITE ME,"  SHE PROTESTED.
"OH FANNIE LAMB--- YOU'RE A FARM WOMAN AND YOU KNOW ABOUT THESE THINGS.
GIVE IT TO HIM THROUGH THE OTHER END."

SO FANNY LAMB WENT OUT TO THE BARN. SHE LOOKED FOR A FUNNEL BUT THE
NEAREST THING SHE COULD SEE TO ONE WAS HER UNCLE BILL'S FOX HUNTING
HORN HANGING ON THE WALL. A BEAUTIFUL  GOLDENPLATED INSTRUMENT WITH
GOLD TASSELS HANGING FROM IT. SHE TOOK THE HORN AND AFFIXED IT
PROPERLY. HORACE PAID NO ATTENTION TO THE GOINGS ON.
THEN SHE REACHED UP ON THE SHELF WHERE MEDICINES FOR THE FARM ANIMALS
WERE KEPT, BUT INSTEAD OF PICKING UP THE MINERAL OIL, SHE PICKED UP
A BOTTLE OF TURPENTINE, AND POURED A LIBERAL DOSE INTO THE HORN.

   HORACE RAISED HIS HEAD WITH A SUDDEN JERK. HE LET OUT A YELL THAT
COULD HAVE BEEN HEARD A MILE AWAY. HE REARED UP HIS HIND LEGS, BROUGHT
HIS FRONT LEGS DOWN, KNOCKED OUT THE SIDE OF THE BARN, JUMPED A FIVE
FOOT FENCE AND STARTED DOWN THE ROAD AT A MAD GALLOP. NOW HORACE WAS
IN REAL PAIN, SO EVERY FEW JUMPS HE MADE, THE HORN WOULD BLOW.

ALL THE DOGS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD KNEW THAT WHEN THAT HORN WAS BLOWING
IT MEANT THAT UNCLE BILL WAS GOING FOX HUNTING, SO, OUT ON THE HIGHWAY
THEY WENT CLOSE BEHIND HORACE.  IT WAS A MARVELOUS SIGHT.
FIRST, HORACE RUNNING AT TOP SPEED, THE HUNTING HORN IN THE MOST
UNUSUAL POSITION, THE MELLOW NOTES ISSUING FROM WITHIN, THE TASSELS
WAVING IN THE BREEZE, AND THE DOGS BARKING JOYOUSLY.

   THEY PASSED BY THE HOME OF OLD MAN HARVY HOGAN, WHO WAS SITTING
ON HIS FRONT PORCH... HE HADN'T DRAWN A SOBER BREATH IN 15 YEARS,
AND HE GAZED IN FACINATED AMAZEMENT AT THE SIGHT THAT UNFOLDED BEFORE
HIS EYES. HE COULDN'T BELEIVE WHAT HE WAS SEEING. INCIDENTALLY, HE
IS NOW A OUTSTANDING MEMBER OF ALCOHOLICS ANOYNMOUS IN A SECTION
OF THE STATE.

BY THE TIME IT WAS GOOD AND DARK HORACE AND THE DOGS WERE APPROACHING
THE INLAND WATERWAY.  THE BRIDGE TENDER HEARD THE HORN BLOWING
AND FIGURED A BOAT WAS APPROACHING. SO HE HURRIDLY WENT OUT AND
UNCRACKED THE BRIDGE.  HORACE WENT OVERBOARD AND WAS DROWNED. THE
DOGS ALSO WENT INTO THE WATER, BUT SWAM OUT WITHOUT ANY DIFFICULTY.
IT SO HAPPENED THE BRIDGE TENDER WAS RUNNING FOR THE OFFICE OF
SHERIFF OF CHOWAN COUNTY, BUT HE MANAGED TO POLL ONLY FOUR VOTES...
THE PEOPLE FIGURED THAT ANY MAN WHO DIDN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
A MULE WITH A HORN UP HIS ASS AND A BOAT COMING DOWN THE INLAND
WATERWAYS WASN'T FIT TO HOLD A PUBLIC OFFICE IN CHOWAN COUNTY.....

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

