02/00 : napalm - the cia ghetto beanie project v1.0

: how can I get myself a completely free cia beanie? have you ever asked yourself this question? i do every cold winter morning. here at cia we're a bunch of cheap bastards, so when someone asks for us to pay for something, we either refuse, steal it or ghetto rig it ourselves. today we're going to learn how to ghetto convert a dirty old "acid productions" beanie into a completely amazing "cia productions" beanie.

You will need: acid beanie (see step 1), pin and/or small sharp object, nail scissors, thread, needle, tape, glue (sniffable), time, tweezers.

Step 1: you need an acid beanie. we're not sure where to get them, i found this one under my little brother's bed next to his copy of penthouse. if you are not able to find an acid beanie in your own home, we suggest you head out to the closest ski slope and find this kid. beat the living piss out of him. steal his beanie. once beanie is secured, proceed to step 2.

Step 2: now turn your beanie until you find the logo "acid productions" embroidered onto it. there is a tiny little "tm" next to the letter S in "productions", remove this by cutting the thread with nail scissors and pulling the thread out with your tweezers. this voids all trademark and or copyright claims by the original owner.

Step 3: begin cutting and picking at the threads that make up the letter "A", and the bottom part of the D.

Step 4: continue picking and snipping and pulling until you either completely muck it up or manage to clear away the entire "A" and the lower part of the D. remove any remaining threads. you're almost done!

Step 5: grab your needle and thread, proceed to repair any damage caused to the "C", add closing borders to the bottom of the "D", turning it into the much more desireable letter "A".

Step 6: stand back and take a look at your handywork, you've done good kid. now you can proudly wear that once shameful beanie! this simple proceedure can change your life:

check out the REAL PAYOFF here.

BONUS: are you unhappy with the offset "productions"? follow steps similar to above and remove the "PRO", convert the "D" to an "F" for the more humorous title of "CIA FUCTIONS". your friends are sure to get a kick out of that one.

cia ghetto beanie is a joke, no one has ever tried doing this- there is no guarantee expressed or implied that it would even remotely come close to working. acid logo © acid productions blah blah & all that jazz, used under fair use of parody so bite it.