Fun for Boring Weekends Thought of and written here by Woody the Log All of these are original ideas which, for the most part, I have thought up(the few that were contrived with my friends I will post) all are illegal, so don't bother reading this if you don't like doing things that violate this country's laws. I'm not going to say I've done any of these for legal reasons, but for the most part, I know they work, don't ask how. Other than that, these ideas are for entertainment purposes only, just laugh. I'm assuming that you are unlike me, in that you would never do anything like these disgusting and inhumane ideas. I hope I'm wrong. Oh, by the way. If anyone else has thought up things similar to these, let me know. I would like talking or typing to you. 1) Telephones--These devices have more uses than hooking up a modem to them. For the first one, get a stereo, if you cannot get one then skip to #3. You're going to have to know a little about electronics, not a lot; if you have ever soldiered a wire, you are fine. Get a phone line, one that will reach from your stereo to a phone jack, with at least one modular connector( the regular kind) attached. At the end opposite the connector, strip the red and green wires, if there are others(usually black and yellow) cut'em off; they have no use for modern phone lines. Take the stripped wires and put them in the speaker output ports on the back of the stereo. If you want to get fancy, you can bridge them mono for more power. Now place a tape, CD, or other form of recorder music in you system, the louder and bassier the better, "Welcome to the Jungle" is perfect, then plug in the phone line, connecting it to the phone system. Go to an extension and dial either a random number or someone you don't like too much. When they answer, ask them if they want to hear your stereo, the only reason for asking is that I have always done it this way. If they decline,keep begging, if they hang up, use your handy redial button until the accent. Now push play with the volume at full and set the phone down, it might spark. The other person's phone will make quite a bit of noise, and it will get very hot. This also, I would imagine, has a devastating effect on answering machines, faxes, or modems. 2) Telephones II- This next telephone idea is a little more dangerous and difficult, a lot more illegal, but a tremendous amount more fun. You have to know a little more about electronics for this gag. The name for this is "Bobby Browning" it involves going to a house, preferably an extremely fancy summer one that is abandoned during the winter, calling an infamous 1-900 # and then leaving the phone off the hook. So, by the time the people return the next spring and get the phone fixed, they will have run up quite a bill.($.75 per minute * 60 minutes * 24 hours * 7 days * 4 weeks * at least 5 months= $151,000- quite a bit...eh??) Now for the more in depth, how to do. You must find the telephone connection box and find, once again, the red and green wires. You must bring a modified telephone with you( one that preferably is one piece, with the dialing apparatus in the handle. Take the phone lines coming out of it and soldier fairly small alligator clips to them, if there are more than two wires, just the red and green) Now simply hook them up to the screws the corresponding house wires are attached to. If there are none, then simply clip it straight onto the wire-you may have to push quite hard. =====WARNING===== ATTACH THEM ONE AT A TIME. I know that phone lines are not supposed to carry much power, but I have been knocked out while trying to attach the wires, I had leather gloves on too. Once connected you will hear a dial tone. If not then fool around with the clips, one at a time. Once you get a dial tone call your 900 number, I have always used Bobby Brown's. Here are some others: Mating Mart: $3.00 a minute:1-900-933-0600. Women's Fantasies: 3:00 a minute: 1-900-933-0700 I should have said this earlier, but once you make your call, you have to connect a 300K resistor between the wires, otherwise you have to leave your phone there---Not wise unless you like paying $150,000 dollars for fun. 3)Ropes- Go in a parking lot( a dark, dark parking lot) with a lot of relatively short(12') pieces of strong but small rope. Simply tie them inconspicuously between bumpers, sideview mirrors--not on the drivers side--, or axles( combinations work out well and be creative). Now find a safe place and watch what happens. 4) Trashcans/Mailboxes- This idea was devised by a friend of mine, Chris(he's not into modeming, so he does not have a handel) but it yields results that will leave most people laughing for days--I'm laughing as I type this. Well anyway, I had to include it. All you do is tie a thin 1/4 inch black nylon rope across a street, between a telephone pole and either a mailbox, preferably an unsteady one, or a trashcan. All I can say is do it, find a nice, well concealed bush,(as far away as possible while retaining vision of the area) break out the popcorn and watch what happens as the laws of physics go to work! 5) Dummies- This is my favorite prank. Not that I have ever done it or anything. Make a dummy- pair of old pants, long sleeve shirt, pillow case, shoes, gloves, and lots of news and tissue paper. It is best to stuff them with the news paper and then sew the gloves to the shirt, the shirt to the pants, the pants to the shoes. Once this is done get three economy size bottles of tomato sauce. This step you can either do at your target or at your home.. I usually do it at home. Take the pillow case and fill it with the tissue paper, then pour one of the gallons of sauce into it. As you walk to your destination the sauce will soak through the material, giving it a "realistic" look. Now just leave the dummy wherever you want: the roadside, a porch, under a car, or, my personal favorite, a portable bathroom, and pour the other two jars of tomato sauce over it. One of the times I did this, fine, I admit I have done it, we left the body in a portable john, at a work site. As it turned out, the workers were on vacation for a week after we left it. The day before they came back we checked our creation; the body was covered with flies and crap. When the door was opened they all swarmed out along with a nauseating odor of rot. Two days later we went back and saw a pair of legs hanging out of a nearby dumpster. The workers were all laughing and talking, they were on break. We asked them about the legs, and all of them fell to the ground with gasps of laughter. Apparently their supervisor had discovered the body the previous day, he had screamed and jumped back, slipping into a mud pool, emptying his stomach while still calling for help.....I guess it was pretty realistic. 6) Bomb- This requires some knoweledge of electronics. No, this is not a real bomb, I would never publish anything about explosive manufacture, placement, or destination in a Weekend Fun Guide. It however does have the effect of a bomb, or one of them. This I thought up with the same friend, Chris, but I perfected it with another person, Mike. Take a piece of grey window calk, heat it up with a torch, and form it into a block. If you know anything about electronics, build a small oscillating LED circuit, build it into a circuit board and stick lots of extra wires, capacitors, and other components that look fancy in it. If that did not make sense, just go to Radio Shack and tell them you want a flashing LED hook it up to a nine volt battery and then rip a circuit board out of an old radio and place it on your lump,. There is a possibility that the people there will not know what a LED is, they do not know much about electronics( this is not to make fun of them all, some people at Radio Shack know a great deal more about electronics than I do, but the majority feel challenged if they have to do anything other than search for numbers); if they don't, send me E-mail about it and I'll give you the stock numbers of the parts you need. Once that is done, hook it up to a 9-volt battery. LEDs do not use much power so if your using one, the light will keep flashing for days. Just leave it somewhere frequented by people, and either watch their reactions or go home and laugh while imagining them. For even more realism, stencil C-4 onto the side. HAVE FUN!!!!!! Until next time Woody the Log ******************************************************************************* ******************************************************************************* More ideas for boring Weekends by Woody the Log Yup, its back. More ideas for the boring weekend. All the same stuff about me knowing nothing about any occasion that stuff like this has been done. But, if you have any comments or suggestions, let me hear 'em. 1) Snakes/Frogs/Worms- Try going to a bait shop and pick up a bunch of worms, or for cheaper catch some frogs or snakes. Put these in a mailbox belonging to a person you don't want to know. Either the mail delivery person or your victim will get one hell of a surprise; if you are lucky they both will. Find a good place of observation, or if you neighbor is the unfortunate victim, your house is a great spot to watch from: he/she will not be able to hear your laughter. 2) Letter Bomb- Make a beeping circuit, or buy a pulsating buzzer from Rad Shack. Just hook it up to a battery and tape the whole thing to the inside of a small cardboard box. Now fill a bag with sand and tape it in the box too, for weight. This done, leave the box in someone's mailbox, on their car, or at their front door. I don't suggest sending it because the postal service will be suspicious of a beeping package. One other note, give it to someone with an imagination; it sucks when they just open it up and look, bewildered, at the beeper. 3) Car Fun- Get a pack of firecrackers, separate them, and tape each individually to the muffler of a car. Make sure the wicks are not quite touching the muffler, if they are the wicks will shrivel up as the metal heats. As the car moves the wicks will constantly be bumping into the ever heating muffler. When the metal is hot enough the wicks will ignite when they hit it. Bang! Especially on new cars, scares the shit out of the people in it. 4) More Muffler Fun- I've found that bananas in the tail-pipe actually works, but I prefer to use duct tape. Just tape the exhaust pipe airtight and the car will not start. Simple but amusing. A few nights ago, a taped car proved to be too powerful for the tape. It still made one hell of a noise though. 5) Even More Muffler Fun- Slap a bunch of dirty motor oil on the muffler and pour the rest into the pipe. Once the tail pipe gets hot, a lot of thick black smoke will start pouring out of it. If the guy or gal stops to check and finds black stuff oozing out, he or she will be scared and will, most likely, hurry to a mechanic. Well, that's it for part II. If you've enjoyed this series, let me know, and I'll write more.