/====----------------------------------------------------------------==== / /====--------------------------------------------------------------====\ | | | | | | PPP Presents.. a Bill Smith Phile.. | | | | | | | | P H U N W I T H U S R O B O T I C S | | | | | | \ \====--------------------------------------------------------------====/ / \====----------------------------------------------------------------====/ Compiled on December 25, 1989 BS: "I got my new USRobotics HST 14400 modem today." OT: "How much?" BS: "$280, plus $25 for UPS Red Label shipping." OT: "No way! Was it used?" BS: "No, I scammed it direct from USRobotics, brand new." OT: "How?" So many times I've had this this conversation. Well.. Finally, I've decided to write a phile explaining how you, too, can benefit from the stupidity of USRobotics. First, make sure you have sufficient funding for the modem. If you dont have enough for the modem of your choice (near the end of this phile, there is a listing of current prices), develop your own ways to kick the crap out of a UPS delivery person. (USRobotics sends all modems on either a C.O.D., or personal check-basis only) Note: This scam can be accomplished legally, there is no need to set up any fake names, addresses, etc. No need to bull USRobotics with names. OK, now that you have your money (I assume you want the 14.4k HST, which is $280), next step is for you to call USRobotics. The number to call is 1-800-DIAL-USR (800-342-5877), Monday-Friday, 8am-5pm Central Std. Time (6am-3pm PST). Usually, some lady answers with something like, "Hello, USRobotics." Let her know that your company is interested in becoming an authorized USRobotics dealer, and you want to obtain the req'd. forms. If she does not know what you mean, restate it and say you need the papers to be a reseller. She will then ask for your name, your business's name, shipping address (Use either your home or P.O. Box on this, all that comes at this point is an envelope about 8.75" by 11.5"). I used the PO on this one. OK, now you have this packet a few days later. The one I got had a letter, $25 business rebate, "Seven-Minute Sales Seminar" pamphlet, a big book on the USRobotics Courier line, this thing called "Campaign '89", and a pretty short questionaire on your business. The letter read as follows: Thank you for your interest in our products. We've enclosed the information you requested, along with an overview of our entire modem line, one of the broadest in the industry... Please contact the distributor nearest you to arrange for furthur information or a product evaluation. They can also help you with any other USRobotics products you find interesting. Should you have any difficulty contacting a reseller, please let us know, toll free at 800/DIAL USR (342-5877), in Illinois dial 312/982-5001, as soon as possible. (BS Note: All of USRobotics' 312 NPAs were recently changed to 708.) Next step is to mail the form back to USRobotics. A few days later, call them & ask if your paper has been received yet. Once it has, they should send you back another envelope the same dimensions as the first, this time, stating how you have been made "...an official USR Authorized Dealer." Ooooo Boy.. They continue to state what you are now entitled to, which is along these lines--direct sales referrals, access to closing deals to Fortune 1000 co., access to the dealer hotline (800-292-2988 U.S, and 800-553-3560 Canada) to receive product literature, and continuous updates regarding new USRobotics products and enhancements "...before your customers do..." They send you a copy of the current "Courier" newsletter which has the gold you need...the "Authorized Dealer Demo Program" coupon! (OK, the issue that they sent me was Volume 2, Number 3, and the coupon was blue. If yours has no order form, get ahold of me on a PPP system and I can either fax or mail you a copy of one.. USRobotics cares little what the coupon looks like, the one I sent them was a copy of my original (so I can order another one later as they restrict you to "two modems per location." What that means is, you can get up to two modems with these metal plates near the rear of them that state, "For demonstration purposes only .. Not for resale." And no, it wont just come off without shreading the case. (You can try to be a distributor for a month and order a bunch of cases, but it is much easier to live with the little plaque.) OK.. Now, once you have this form, make a copy of it if you want to ever do this again (assuming you are ordering one now). At the top, it lists: Company Name: (Enter the one listed on the letter of acceptance) Shipping Address: (Enter your HOME, the box will NOT fit in a PO Box) City: State/Province: Zip/Postal Code: Phone Number: (Put your real one, not a BBS) Near the bottom, they show places for your name and title. Write your real name, and put ", owner" or similar. Also, you have to sign it. Big deal.. Put the number of modems you want (up to two total) in the space marked as, Quantity, and then mail it back to USR. If you have questions so far, call USR and ask for either Jim Summers or the USR dealer programs manager. In a couple days, call to see if your order has been received. You may have to ask for the reseller division, I can't remember. Anyways. Ask how long it will be until the order is shipped. If they tell you it could be up to two weeks, ask if you can get it any sooner, & keep bugging them every day. In the meantime, obtain a cashier's check from your local bank in the am'nt needed (my check was for $305.00, $280 plus $25 shipping) and have the bank make it out to USROBOTICS. Keep this check somewhere and let your whole family know where it is, just in case you are gone when UPS arrives (you dont really want to drive to the UPS place, do you?). Good luck with your ventures. Here is the list of current dealer prices: (All are the newest revisions, non-used, and shrink-wrapped): HST Dual Standard..................$520 HST Dual Standard/PC................520 HST 14.4............................280 HST/PC 14.4 (internal)..............280 v.32................................520 v.32/PC (internal)..................520 HST/ix (HST 14.4 w/UNIX software)...430 2400e...............................130 2400/PS w/MNP.......................120 2400/PS w/MNP & software............160 2400/PC.............................150 2400/PC w/software..................180 Shipping: UPS ground.........................$13 UPS blue (2nd day air)..............18 UPS red (next day air)..............25 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ - XopyWRONG (X) 1989 Bill Smith and the PPP/NPA 619 Check out these boards: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ - CAD #1 - Insidious Infusion...........24mnp..HAX HQs...Doctor Dissector CAD #2 - Internal Stack III...........2400...HAX/vms...Dark Helmet CAD #3 - The Fourth Dimension.........2400...HAX/vms...Tak/Scan (Amiga) CAD #5 - Electric Dreams Underground..14400..HAX beta..Bill Smith ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ - And like dd says... "thy freeways are thy friends..."